Tuesday, July 31, 2007

SlogsCenter Epic: Nomads-Traitors

I wouldn't leave y'all hangin'--now that the offending parties have vowed to change their ways. Here's the extended version of SlogsCenter, and it's all about the Nomads and Traitors. Even if you're not a fan of either team, you should check out the clip. Lots of great defense. Congrats to the Traitors on a great win. I have a feeling they may run into the Nomads again soon. Special thanks to Melissa Manning for the terrific pics and Maher "Zambrano" Abu-Arja for crawling out of bed to shoot some video. Enjoy.

To enhance your viewing experience, let the clip load all the way before watching. You'll enjoy the soundtrack more.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Bian Pao: Week 7 Goes Boom

The blaring horns, ubiquitous fireworks and general euphoria that started early Saturday might have seemed like a natural reaction to the Traitors' big win over the Nomads on Friday, but we're not that big just yet. It had a little to do with Iraq's soccer team winning the Asia Cup by defeating Saudi Arabia in the final. (We have confirmed that the US National Soccer Team was standing by to rescue the Saudis from the Iraqis once again, but the refs wouldn't go for it.)

Anyway, Iraqi fans should not celebrate in such a loud manner unless the other team is executed after (or preferably, during) the game. Call me old-fashioned.

Bigger than either the Asia Cup or Traitors-Nomads were the
Tawjihi Celebrations. For those unfamiliar with local customs here in Jordan, the Tawjihi Celebrations mark the time between when students stop cheating and plagiarizing in high school and the time they start cheating and plagiarizing in college. Typical displays of joy include:

-Applying firm pressure on the car horn until the battery dies.
-Being unreasonably optimistic about your financial future.
-Setting off fireworks (Note: indoors).
-Seeing which person can peck the other's cheek the most times before switching your sexual preference.
-Drinking shot after shot of
Mafraq's tap water until you soil your pants.

Enough about Tawjihi and Soccer. Let's talk about the other games. You know, the ones which matter.


Alberto Asks the Stars to Say Hello to His Li'l Friend

Tooth + Mallet + Jack Daniel's = Play Ball.

Alberto Santiago returned to Slogway Park after his horrific injury, and he helped his Beats to an easy win over the Stars, who Karma continues to punish for not cleaning up their infant's dugout mess.

Alberto's stint on the disabled list consisted of the time it took him to walk out to his car after the incident last week, where he took a mallet and pounded that tooth back in its place. He then let out a grunt of satisfaction, guzzled some Jack Daniel's, cracked his neck, and returned to the field. Total time: three minutes. The Nomads were just lucky that the episode took place so late in the game. He wanted back in.

Sluggos Get Help, Spank Bling Bling

It took seven weeks, but The Greatest finally hit the Slogs.

Perhaps it was done in a drunken stupor, but Bling Bling had the Sluggos on the ropes before the game even started. Caught short-handed, the Sluggos requested to have another team's player fill in on their team. Bling said OK. Then they saw who the player was: the Beats' Javier "Gunny" Diaz. Bling thought twice. Yvette Martin promised to have Gunny bat only as a lefty. Bling said OK.

This decision was like agreeing to fight Muhammad Ali in his prime, but only if he promised to limit his punches to your face. The Sluggos rolled, and the Blingz cost themselves that precious first win.

Crowd in Awe at Silent Slackers. So Where's Willy?


The Slackers assess Willy's absence.

A handful of Eagles were off hobnobbing with Hollywood's elite, so the Slackers had a pretty easy win on Friday. This game had major implications for the tournament, because if the two second-place teams stay where they are in the standings, the Slackers would get the #3 seed, while the All-Blacks would have to settle for #4.

The Slackers were so well-behaved, even the Team Mom was flabbergasted. Apparently, they've identified the culprit in their temper tantrums as Walid "Willy" Abu Hassan, who was missing from the game. If that's how they really feel, then co-conspirator (and the guy who was let off the hook), Rocky Abushaar, should send him a big bouquet of flowers and a tall stack of Luigi's pizzas.

Traitors Whup Nomads, Clinch Tourney's Top Seed

There's your highlight reel.


The Traitors beat the Nomads on Friday, 15-7. After the top of the 3rd inning, the score was Nomads 6, Traitors 5. But the rest of the game was all Orange, all the time.

The win, when combined with their defeat of the Sluggos later in the day, gives the undefeated Traitors (8-0) the Long Division title and the #1 seed for the tournament. The Nomads are a half-game up on the Eagles for the lead in the Division of Labor, with the top team there taking the #2 seed.

I had planned on posting a whole mess of pics and video highlights from this game, but deleting rude messages took too much time. I will not reward those who cannot win with class, and I will not allow anyone to destroy with negativity and divisiveness what we've worked hard to build. Talk to your captain, Traitors.

End of post.

UPDATE:

From Kevin Rowlson, Captain of the Traitors:

I would like to take this time to publicly apologize to my teammates and everyone else for the comments I made. (Mude has already deleted the post.)

Sometimes I act without thinking of what the consequences will be as long as it makes me feel better at the time, and I am sorry for that. I sincerely hope that if anyone who saw the post and took any offence to it can find it in their hearts to forgive me.

SO: We'll have SlogsCenter highlights and some of Melissa Manning's excellent game pics later today some day soon. -Mude

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Practice Post

Today through Thursday, August 2nd. Name, Team, Day, Time & Field. In the comments. No complications.

"The Hurt Locker" (Movie) Looking for UN Types

The Hollywood movie currently filming in Amman is looking for United Nations-type men for roles as extras. Filming is this Monday. You'll be wearing a suit and looking all official. They're looking for men in their 30's and up. If you look anything like Gary Bonifas, you're so in. (But other, less pretty people are welcome, too.) You can email your pic to Lara Atalla at lara.atalla@gmail.com (or call her at 0777.555.007). Please do so ASAP, because, again, filming for this scene is this Monday, July 30. And the team is still in need of extras, both male and female, to play various speaking and non-speaking (both paid) "extras" roles. Western-looking, 18-45, soldierin' people. Get in touch with Lara today. You won't regret it. (Note: The Amman leg of filming for this movie will run through September 12, 2007.)

Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Biggest Game of the Year...So Far

BREAKING NEWS:
Alberto Santiago will be back tomorrow...playing!

Ziggy and Schwa grew close over the past week.

It’s late, I know. I was out of town. Also, Ziggy and Schwa were upset about it, and it’s hard to write one of these previews without creatures who actually know the game. Also, I’m lazy.

It's going to be the hottest gameday of the season. If you're reading this, thank you for dropping in and being a loyal Slogger. Your reward is this urgent plea to hydrate all day long. If you're not reading this, then you won't know that I don't care if you drink water or not. Here's what the kittens have to say about Week 7 at Slogway Park...

Nomads (5-1) @ Traitors (6-0)
Time: 9:00 AM
Temp: 90°F/32°C
Wind: From NW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Yvette

Ziggy and Schwa agree: The Traitors’ depleted lineup and age will finally catch up to them. (Remember, these are the cats' words, not mine. But I happen to agree.) The only question in the minds of the Vegas Felines is whether or not Shukri can hit one out, despite winds which will be blowing straight in from center. First the Nomads will rattle the Traitors, then they’ll beat them. Nomads by 6 runs.

Traitors (6-0) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time:
10:30 AM
Temp: 94°F/34°C
Wind: From NW shifting to from WNW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Maher

Ziggy: This will be a letdown game for the Traitors—and some revenge for the Sluggos. The Traitors have spent all week firing shots at the Nomads, forgetting all about the Sluggos. That is some serious disrespect. Ali Lejlic and Chris Hattayer are back for the Sluggos, and the Traitors will learn a lesson. Despondent over their loss to the Nomads and still seemingly unaware they're playing a double-header, the Gatorades will let one slip away...and they'll pretend not to care.

Schwa: Even though she left me alone in this house with the Evil White Cat for five days, I’m going with Mrs. Mude’s team. The Traitors will find a way to overcome the injuries and missing players to pull off the win, but it'll be a wake-up call for them.

Bling Bling (0-6) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time: Noon
Temp: 97°F/36°C
Wind: From WNW, 9 MPH/14 KM
Umps: Beats

Ziggy: I can’t pick the Sluggos to beat the Traitors and not Bling Bling. Captain Yvette Martin and crew have been working 'round the clock to reload, and it’ll pay off against the Shinies.

Schwa: Dumb Ziggy. Blingbeefers are so due. It’s the upset of the season, and I’m calling it: Bling Bling gets in the win column this week. Cap'n Neal is back, they've finally got another chick, er, woman, and just about every player on the team has improved over the course of the season. [Note: The boycat's chauvinism is not endorsed by the Slogs, but it is enjoyed.]

Stars (1-6) @ Beats (1-6)
Time:
1:30 PM
Temp: 100°F/38°C
Wind: From WNW shifting to from W, 11 MPH/17 KM
Umps: Eagles

Ziggy and Schwa love paisans: Greg Ambrosio, the Beats’ winter co-capo, made some threatening remarks to the guy who feeds us beef snacks. But it turns out they’re cousins. The Beats will turn it around and will win two out of their final three games.

Eagles (5-2) @ Slackers (4-2-1)
Time: 3:00 PM
Temp: 102°F/39°C
Wind: From W, 12 MPH/19 KM
Umps: Nomads

Ziggy and Schwa have exercised their right to withhold comment due to a possible conflict of interest.


Now you can plan your day. (Hooray, meteorology!)

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Traitor Nation Is Born, Quickly Rejected By Own Mother

Dennis Merdian has an ouchie. That ball is evil...and hungry.

In Jeff Coupe's last game as a Traitor, he helped his team beat the Stars and fathered "Traitor Nation." No word on who the mother is, though, as she apparently wants nothing to do with the whole ordeal. Here's Jeff and his daughter Hannah, setting things straight and saying goodbye...




Dennis Merdian, pitcher for the Stars, took a bullet off his shin, courtesy of Justin "Get Some" Hiester. Dennis is a tough man, and he wouldn't give any Traitor the satisfaction of seeing him hurt. He stayed in the game and played well. (But I have the feeling his wife had to hear a lot of whining later that night.) To his credit, Justin felt awful about the whole thing and offered to pay all of Dennis' tuition fees for grad school.

The bruise on Dennis' shin had barely turned purple before Kevin and Brooke began trading small arms fire with Omar Massarweh of the Nomads, with whom they have a breakfast date next Friday to determine which of the two teams truly rules the regular season. Ziggy and Schwa will be all over that preview. In the meantime, have at each other right here.

Nomads Top Beats, Eye Traitors

Some good news for the Beats: They get the honor of having the SlogsCenter Highlight of the Week. Here's Nomad Shukri Saleh, getting oopsed up between 3rd and home...




The rest of the game was brutal, and I'm not just talking about the score. The Nomads topped the Beats to set up a showdown for league supremacy against the undefeated Traitors next Friday, but the real story was the injury suffered by the Beats' Alberto Santiago.

On a single to right field, Alberto had just passed first base when the laser of a throw came in. Alberto wasn't aware of the throw, which was rather unusual for an outfield single, and it met his mouth. The sound of the impact was sickening, and the scene afterward was a bloody mess.

Freeze, re-use, enjoy? I don't think so: Alberto's recovered tooth.

The good news is that our crack archaeologists found the tooth in the sand and Alberto had it put right back in (Note: Not at the field). A few stitches in his lip, and he'll be back on the field in no time, donning his Yankees cap and giving his opponents hell. And in his honor, the Beats put up an impressive six runs in the final inning.

The right-fielder who threw the ball, known here only as Li'l Massarweh, had his name sent by the US Embassy to Homeland Security. He is now atop the Most Wanted Terrorists list. Good luck getting back to school in the States.

Be careful out there, Sloggers. It's a mad. mad world.

Blame It on the Falafel: Eagles Sweep Double-Header

Ben Roberson fled Jordan after his Falafel Coup succeeded.

Take some chickpeas, herbs and spices. Ball 'em up. Deep fry. Consume.

Then suffer the consequences.

That's what happened to several Stars and all of the Sluggos on Friday, July 20th. The two teams were scheduled to play against the Eagles in the All-Blacks' double-header, but the copious amounts of falafel which the missing players scarfed down the night before gave the hosts an easy sweep. The wins put the Eagles just a half-game behind the Division of Labor leaders, the Nomads, with three weeks to go in the regular season.

Reports are sketchy at this stage, but we have confirmed that one overzealous Sluggo went outside in the early morning hours to "air himself out," only to blast off to Uganda. Surviving him are six distraught teammates and one ringing cell phone.

Furthermore, our sources inside the Amman Stock Exchange reveal to us that one Eagle, Ben Roberson, is the silent (but deadly) majority owner of Abu Jbara Restaurants. It is no coincidence, therefore, that Eagles captain Tom Manning announced Ben's abrupt departure from Jordan. We like Ben's tactics, and we like his hair, so we'll just wish him good luck in his new life on the run.

BlingNation Scares the Shout Out of Slackers

Bling Bling showed glimpses of their potential against the Slackers.


The women of Bling Bling are a mysterious bunch. As best as we can tell, there are four of them, but only one has bothered to show up every week, and that's Susanna Sawalha.

The inability to play with 10 fielders--and that automatic out for missing a woman--probably cost Bling Bling a win last week against the Beats, and it certainly was a factor in their Week 6 matchup against the Slackers, at least early on.

Bling came out swinging in the first inning and bloodied some Slacker lip with five runs, actually holding a lead through two innings. The stellar play of Blingtosser Saif Barhoum and some lively bats put a real scare into Bargo's Screamin' Burtuqalis.

The Orange never really got into a rhythm until the final inning, when they put the game out of reach with 11 runs. Bling could have used some help from those missing players, especially the women, one of whom had the excuse of a dead car, while another was apparently still drinking from the night before. The third was helping her neighbors make kubbeh.

And through all these tough times, where is the Blingcaptain, Neal Zureikat? We have it on good authority that he's in Orlando, waiting on his custom-fit Mickey Mouse hat to arrive.

Your Looks Got You Far: Now Be In A (Real) Movie

Time's running out for you to be in a real movie, not just these silly little SlogsCenter highlights. Here's the announcement: The company behind the movie The Hurt Locker is seeking interested men and women, ages 18-45, to play soldiers of different armies (U.S., Poland, Australia, etc.) and diplomats in a positive film that attempts to humanize all sides of the situation in Iraq. Filming is taking place right here in Amman. Casting is for paid speaking and paid non-speaking extras to work at various dates between July 22 - Sept 12, in scenes with Hollywood actors and under the direction of Kathryn Bigelow, director of Point Break, Strange Days, K-19, and other films. For more information, please email Lara Atalla at lara.atalla@gmail.com, or call 0777.555.007. [Please note the corrected email address.]

Friday, July 20, 2007

Rehearse First, Perform Better: Practice Slots Here

If you wish to improve your performance on the field, try diggin' on some practice. In the comments section of this post, please leave us with: Your name Your team The day you want to practice The time you want to practice The field you want (small/upper or large/lower) This post is good for Saturday 21/7 through Thursday 26/7 only. Please (please?) don't leave an anonymous comment. Ziggy may have been declawed, but Schwa will tear your heart out. And eat it. If you want to leave a cute message to show everyone how clever you can be when you're stoned, do it in a different post. (Note: If you are not a "boggler," find someone who doesn't think the interweb is the Devil to assist you.)

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Easy Money: Vegas Fe-Lines Love Week Six

Ziggy and Schwa take a nap after making their picks.


Slackers at Bling Bling
Time: 9:00 AM
Temp: 80°F/27°C
Wind: From WSW, 7 mph/11 km
Umps: Nomads

Ziggy: I'd love to see Blingity get on the plus side, but I'm betting against them.
Schwa: Where's my &^$%!&# beef, you @#^*!@* Slackers? (Maher needs a chick!)

Beats at Nomads
Time: 10:30 AM
Temp: 84°F/29°C
Wind: From WSW, 9 mph/14 km
Umps: Slackers

Ziggy: I have a good feeling about the Beats, now that they've tasted victory.
Schwa: I had that feeling, too. But it's buried in litter now. Never go against the 'Mads.

Sluggos at Eagles
Time: Noon
Temp: 87°F/31°C
Wind: From WSW, 10 mph/16 km
Umps: Stars

Ziggy: If the Sluggos can field a team, they'll win. Early money is on the Eagles.
Schwa: Win it for Orrince!

Stars at Eagles
Time: 1:30 PM
Temp: 89°F/32°C
Wind: From WSW, 12 mph/19 km
Umps: Traitors

Ziggy: The Stars Vandals will not avenge that humiliating defeat from Week 3.
Schwa: They would have to launch a thousand crusades to get any satisfaction after that.

Traitors at Stars
Time: 3:00 PM
Temp: 90°F/32°C
Wind: From W, 13 mph/21 km
Umps: Eagles

Ziggy: Should we execute that 7afartali who vandalized the dugout, or just torture him?
Schwa: Both. And let's eat his gizzard, too.

You should listen to the winds.

Stars Bring The Filth, Lose to Sluggos

The Stars lost to the Sluggos last Friday. It was Orrince's last game, and it was another blowout. There's your recap. Now on to more interesting developments.

That's nice. We're all very proud of you.

That one would lay a false claim to the monarchy in this country is a discussion for some other time. Let's stick to the act itself:

Vandalizing Amman Little League Association's complex is downright disgusting. You live in this country. Please don't bring more filth into it. ALLA offers sports for kids (and now adults) at very reasonable prices. Please don't bring your filth into its grounds. Khaled, the ALLA guard, does not get paid to clean up after you. Please don't bring your filth to him.

I have a recommendation: Get that cleaned up and looking like it was never there.

For the rest of the recaps from Friday the 13th's games, clickity here.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Slackers Yell, Nomads Swell: Jordan Cup Wears Red

The Nomads won the Inaugural Jordan Cup after beating the Slackers.

Here’s the way this game went: Shukri Saleh kept driving in Omar Massarweh, the Barghoutis kept pace for the Slackers, H.R.H. Princess Iman al-Hussein’s Nomadic speed impressed the infielders, and the Orange’s improved outfield wowed everyone. And it was tied 6-6 after four innings.

While the Slackers yelled, they were outscored 8-0.

But then the Slackers started to vocally plot each other’s murders, and the Nomads jumped on the chance and scored eight unanswered runs to take a 14-6 lead. When the Slackers finally stopped yelling at one another, they managed to score five runs in the bottom of the sixth, but it was too little, too late. The First Annual Jordan Cup goes to the Nomads after their 14-11 win.

It’s still unclear whether the ‘Mads rise to the occasion or play down to their competition. Their showdown with the Traitors on the 27th and the rematch against the Eagles during the final week will answer all the questions. As for the Slackers, never have so many been in so great of a need for so much Valium.


Beats Snag A Win, End Hunger Strike

The Beats can finally be called winners. Not that we were calling them losers or anything. It's just been tough to watch, that's all. But they did lose on Friday. (I'm just sayin'.) In the first game of a double-header, the Slackers got out some frustration from the Jordan Cup game and feasted on some Beats Meat. In the second game, against a quickly improving Bling Bling team, the Beats did just enough to win. Of course, they were helped by the automatic out Blingball had to take every time their missing female's turn came up in the batting order, but a win is a win. The tying runner should have been up to bat with two outs in the top of the 6th inning, but that auto-out ended the game right there. When it was pointed out to Blingcap Jawad Dabbas that his team may have won the game had they fielded the required two women, his response was classic: "That's the story of my life. I always need just one more woman." The good news for Beats captain Marikay Satryano is that her team finally let her have a meal. Here she is, breaking her fast...

The Traitors: Lonely At The Top

"I'm smart! Not like everybody says, like dumb. I'm smart and I want respect!" -Fredo Corelone, The Godfather: Part II "...or I'll tear his arms off." -Jeff Coupe, Traitors Shortstop, July 13, 2007 The Traitors rose up to a major challenge and established themselves as the team to beat this season. Schwa the Boycat predicted a tight, low-scoring game with lots of fly balls becoming martyrs in the stiff breeze. He was correct. Justin Hiester, Jeff Coupe and Ash Samawi each scored twice for the Gatorades, and Brooke Sartawi chipped in another. On the Eagles side, Tom Manning and Andrea Brusseau crossed the plate in the 7-2 Traitors win. Here are a couple of highlights, including a hello to New Zealand from the Eagles' Matthew Perry...and a worm-burnin' round trip by the Traitors' Justin Hiester. BREAKING NEWS: You can tell which Traitors are new to winning by looking in the comments section of this post. Some just are not satisfied with having a stacked team and simply being undefeated. They want everyone to worship them, too. Why not? There will be a Traitors Worship Service held at 8:30 AM every Friday, as long as they are on top. After entering the clubhouse, take the hallway on your right, then enter through the second door on your right. (You can "drop off" your donation there at any time.)

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Fresh, Hot Practice

Reserve your practice times for July 14-19 right here. Leave your name, team, day, time and field in the comments section of this post. If the slot you want is already taken, please don't take it. (A slot is only taken if it's mentioned here, in the comments.)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Inter-Division Play Heats Up With Vegas (Fe)Lines

Ziggy (bottom, girl) and Schwa (boy) disagree a lot this week.




Culture Appreciation Game: Stars at Sluggos

Time: 9:00 AM
Temp: 76/24
Wind: 10/16
Umps: Mude & Kevin

Schwa’s Pick: Nobody appreciates Arab culture like the Sluggos.
Ziggy’s Pick: …but Abu Mitchell works in Zarqa! Stars win.

Battle for Jordan: Nomads at Slackers

Time: 10:30 AM
Temp: 79/26
Wind: 12/19
Umps: Sluggos

Schwa’s Pick: On Orange! On Slackers! Now give me some beef.
Ziggy’s Pick: Mmm..Swarthy Nomadic men in shorts. Win it for Jordan!

One More Miracle, and We’ll Qualify For Sainthood: Slackers at Beats

Time: Noon
Temp: 83/28
Wind: 12/19
Umps: Nomads

Schwa’s Pick: I won’t pick the Slackers again until I get my beef!
Ziggy’s Pick: No Miracles, but lots of sand. Advantage Slackers.

Someone Has To Win: Bling Bling at Beats

Time: 1:30 PM
Temp: 86/30
Wind: 14/22 (Note: Always from the West, left field to right field.)
Umps: Traitors

Schwa’s Pick: Did you say Beefs? Oh, no? Beats? OK then, Beats.
Ziggy’s Pick: A tie is out of the question. Beats will romp.

Game of the Week: Eagles at Traitors

Time: 3:00 PM
Temp: 87/31
Wind: 15/24
Umps: Beats

Schwa’s Pick: With those strong winds blowing in from left to right, both teams will see their power negated. This game will come down to which team’s outfielders can best judge fly balls. The Eagles have young legs patrolling their outfield, but the Traitors lawnkeepers are the best in the league. Traitors will win a close, low-scoring game.

Ziggy’s Pick: When did that purring hairball get so smart? I agree with the squeaky little boycat about the importance of outfield defense, but I think the Eagles’ speed and their ability to hit to all fields will translate to victory for the Blackshirts. It will be a close, hard-fought game, and I predict a lot of whining.

Trivia Time: How Does A Lawyer Bill This?

Warning: If you're easily offended by violence, politics or religion, then please go fix yourself a snack while the rest of us enjoy ourselves. I got the following clip from Uncle Chris, who got it from a personal injury attorney in Colorado. I won't mention the lawyer's name, because I don't want him to sue me--or worse, bite me while I'm snorkeling. Watch the clip and get the trivia question at the bottom. When all was said and done, the driver felt he did not receive what was promised to him, so he hired the aforementioned Colorado attorney to sue God. My question to you: Should he win the lawsuit, what will be the lawyer's fee for the case? Hint: His fee is based upon a 1/3 contigency fee structure. Answer in the comments section of this post, please. One answer per person. Relatives of the Slogger-in-Chief and those sleeping with him are finally eligible.

My Wife Beans Me (And Bling Crushes The Traitors)

Last Friday, some of the Polyphonic Blingtones joined half the Nomads and Slackers to watch Tessio beg to be let off the hook. (You know, for old times’ sake.) The Gatoradin’ Traitors were in town, so a game had to be played. Orrince, YAM, Kristin, Gunny and I jumped over to BlingNation. The battle was afoot.

I’ll spare you the suspense. Bling Bling won this game. Were it not for the small technicality of Bling’s forfeit, you would all see a big fat “1” in the Traitors’ loss column. It was a blowout. We stopped keeping score after it was 27-0 in the 3rd inning.

Kinzi over at "my treasure" is digging up ideas on “how playing sports together can enhance your marriage.” She was kind enough to link to the thrilling, back-to-back Taweel homers, but I’m here today to speak the truth—not some four bag fantasy.

My wife plays for the Traitors, and she was patrolling second base during this game. I hit a grounder and Brooke tried to turn two. She threw one of her laser throws that went wide and hit me in the leg…five feet after I was safe at first. It left a nasty bruise. How’s that for an enhanced marriage?

Perhaps Brooke did this in retaliation for an incident that occurred during the previous inning. She hit what looked to be a single to left, but being a Traitor, she tried to take the extra base against a weaker opponent. Manning first base in my manly manner, I stopped her. She put up a fight. I carried her back to first. (Told ya I'm manly.)

You see, Brooke’s family has entrusted me with her safety. Second base is dangerous. It’s out there in the middle of nothing, all square and white and dusty. I did not want my wife to fall victim to some nefarious plot. So I saved her and brought her back to the taupe-level security of first base. See what a good guy I am?

Not only did I get rewarded for my heroic deed with a beaning, but one of Brooke’s teammates later added insult to my injury. Traitor Dwaine Childs mustered all his strength and rolled a soft grounder to YAM at third, who made a perfect throw. Knowing he was meat at first, Dwaine, channeling A-Rod, actually slapped the ball out of my hand, earning the nickname Slappy McDwaineRod. Of course, Brooke thought it was funny.

So what do I do to enhance my marriage now, people? Drawing on my threat to exercise my right to simultaneously keep four wives, Brooke came up with an idea for a bumper sticker. The words are hers, and the design is mine. If sports don’t bring you closer, try making fun of each other. It works for us.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Inter-Division Games That Were Played

Leave Your Little James Alone: It's Tessio Time!
There's only one Tessio.


Tessio from The Godfather (or maybe some other guy) grabbed all his CDs and went to Petra last weekend. He played other people's music through some speakers and a whole mess of Arabs and foreigners paid to listen. From what I hear, everyone was on in ecstasy the whole time.

Which brings us to the Nomads and Sluggos. Some Nomads decided to hang out with Abe Vigoda, while the Sluggos showed up to play softball. Sluggos won, and it wasn’t close.

Orrince and Omar Massarweh got into a heated discussion about the game, and their comments had to be deleted. The Slogs do not tolerate talk of each other’s naughty parts, especially between two men.

Stars Picked Off, Not Ticked Off

Tuck that shirt in Abu Mitchell -- the Ump's watchin'!


With my reputation as the Rules Enforcer, the highlight of the Slackers-Stars game was the Stars runner at first being "tagged out" during a courtesy runner switch. The ump hadn't quite called time yet. And the out was actually upheld. Man, that's harsh...and unprecedented. Was Karma watching?

The Slackers are now undefeated in their sexy new uniforms (and beautiful matching hats). The Traitors' Kevin is jealous. He was overheard asking the Slackers where they got those hats. This might get ugly.

For the Stars, they continue to have fun, and they must be looking forward to the re-match against Bling Bling on August 10. But at least the Taweels, Reem and Saed, can claim the SlogsCenter Highlight of the Week for the Twinklers.

Beats Close, but No Argilah

One of the Beats left his glasses behind...in disgust?

Down two runs, with two men boys on and no outs, in the bottom of the 6th inning, the Eagles' Gary Bonifas came through with...what should have been an out. But his high fly to shallow right turned into a single, then a double, then a triple...and finally, a walk-off four-bagger. So Karma was watching, after all.

Such is life in the Beats camp these days. They had battled the Eagles valiantly for what should have been their first win of the year. But it wasn't meant to be.

Here's some advice from your Uncle Mude: Do not mess with the Beats. Most of them have diplomatic immunity. That means they can kill you and, like, totally get away with it. Someone please let them win so we can all live in peace.

Green Monsters' 'Princess' Is A Mama


After 11 1/2 hours of labor and some three weeks before the due date, former (and future?) Green Monster Jennifer AuCoin and her husband Steve LaBelle welcomed their first child, Simon Micheal LaBelle, into the world. He was born at 4:05 PM on July 7, 2007. (Yup, a 777 kid.)


Simon is healthy and so is Jennifer. But I'm worried about Steve. Congratulations to the Corner Beauty and her family from everyone at Amman Softball League!

Peace Corps & JICA Get It On


While you were soaking your aching muscles in hot water last Friday, a softball game broke out at Slogway Park. The fine people of JICA (Japan International Cooperation Agency) and the Peace Corps got together for an exhibition game.

Even though it was only an exhibition, both teams had some fine ball players on the field. Word is, a few Amman Softball League teams are actively recruiting them.

A Peace Corps guy in a Red Sox shirt and an entire team from the country that brought us Daisuke Matsuzaka and Hideki Okajima. Fantastic.

Nevermind the score. Check out some clips...




Evan Usler of the Peace Corps summons the power of the Red Sox for a Grand Slam.




JICA players cheer on their teammates.




JICA's Akinori Okada dances to the beat.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

SlogsCenter: Reem & Saed Taweel Homer for the Stars

Reem Amireh-Taweel and Saed Taweel, her husband, went yard (sorta) in back-to-back at-bats in the bottom of the 2nd inning. Their victims were the Slackers. Yes, this is the second straight week that the Slackers have been on the wrong end of the Highlight of the Week. How do they keep doing it? Teamwork, baby. But hey, the Orange won the game, and that's all we care about.

All the SlogsCenter Highlights shall be gathered HERE

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Friday, July 6, 2007

Practice? We talkin' 'bout practice?

***UPDATE, July 12 @ 3:30 PM: Reservations here are closed. Check back on the HOME PAGE early Saturday morning (July 14) to reserve your team's practice day & time for July 14-19. Each week will have a new practice post. Let's open up practice slots for the next week. Both fields are available every day, Saturday through Thursday, and at any time. To reserve your spot, leave it in the comments of this post. First to comment, first served. One day per customer, please. Please ID yourself & your team, as well as which field you want, on which day, and for what time slot. We'll have one of these up by every Friday going forward. This way, you don't have to hunt me down or wait for an email response. Just drop in and see what's available.

***
The standings have been updated through July 6th's games. (Look to the right, in the green bar, below the Video Highlight of the Week. See?)
***
Over the next day or two, we'll have a lot to cover from Friday: Our first week of inter-divisional play; lots of video highlights; Ziggy & Schwa's picks... And The Peace Corps Softball War of 2007: Japan vs USA
***
Stay tuned. (Actually, don't stay tuned. Go away & come back later.)

Monday, July 2, 2007

Sleeping Stars shaken, not stirred

Abu Mitchell Al-Zarqawi’s cell was still sleeping at 9:00 AM last Friday. They probably didn’t have much of a chance anyway, as 007 himself was keeping an eye on the Stars’ captain and shortstop.


John Manning, your new 007, spies Pat Hillman.


The dapper spy employed Q’s latest gadgetry to foil his foes:

* A diabolical device that stealthily moves first base progressively farther from home plate as a Stars runner approaches.

* A leather-attracting magnetic-type thingy which draws the ball to the Eagles bats, then quickly repels it on contact, resulting in muchos hittos. (How do you say “hits” in Spanish?) Screw it, darbat iktar.

* White-hot dust made from nuclear waste that’s placed inside the hitters’ shoes, forcing the Eagles to take extra bases, even in the last inning of a blowout.

When confronted about his team’s use of technology to vanquish their rivals—and to explain what became of his pledge to start nine newborn babies against the Stars—Eagles’ captain Tom Manning shot back with a look of disbelief on his face:

“You would actually have me put white-hot nuclear waste inside a baby’s booties? What kind of a man are you?”

Abu Mitchell was last seen walking off the field, somehow still smiling. This may explain how he’s able to recruit so many people to his cause. The man oozes charisma and positivity, even when he’s grumbling about the infidels.

Ain't nothin' gonna get us down: The Stars always shine.


Will the Eagles continue on their roll, or are paybacks in their future?

Hey, I've lost my stutter. It's gone. I can speak.

Revenge!
- K-k-k-Ken

Beat the beats, the beats you beat
The only thing harder's the smell of my feet

- “I’m The Man” by Anthrax

Revenge is a dish best served after it simmers for 119 days.

Everything went the Slackers’ way on Friday, as they avenged last season’s collapse against the Beats. As promised, they didn’t kill themselves by issuing walks and didn’t kill each other by…well, not killing each other.

Laughing off the Traitors' lame attempts at using orange in their uniforms, the Slackers unveiled their new threads with style--and a new commitment to teamwork and a mostly chilled out attitude. The Beats showed up in their Goodwill best, having threatened Winner's with a surgical airstrike after botching their uniforms order. (I'd stay away from the Jabr Complex if I were you.)

Speedy Daniel Rubenstein scores in the 1st inning for the Beats.


This was a tight game early on, 7-4 in favor of the Slackers after three innings. But a scoreless top-half of the 4th for the Beats, followed by a ten-run Slackers outburst in the home half, effectively put the game out of reach.


And they looked good doing it: Slackers tolerant after win.


The women of the Slackers kept rallies going on offense, as is their habit, and played effective defense. On the other side, Gunny Diaz continued to make his case for League MVP, driving in teammates Todd Cyril and Rofelio Grinston with his sixth-inning triple. (In case you hadn't noticed, that's our video highlight of the week. Much more of that going forward.)

Beats capitana Marikay Satryano is tired of losing, but she kept it all in perspective by reminding herself that this is all being done for a great cause. Will shaking up her lineup cure her on-field blues?

The next meeting between the Beats and Slackers will be on July 13th at noon. Next week, the Slackers drop in on the Stars, and the Beats say hello to the Eagles.

Don’t mess with the bull, young lady. You’ll get the jalapenos.

This wasn’t the game anyone thought it would be. After an inning-and-a-half, the score was tied at one. One Traitor was then heard saying, “We’ve got ourselves a game.” But another Traitor dug deep into the Rules of Softball and discovered that the object of the game is to score runs while preventing the other team from doing the same.


Close game early: Ali Lejlic nails Ash Samawi at home.

And so an eight-run 2nd inning, followed by six in the 3rd (with nothing much in between for the Sluggos) was pretty much all it took for the Traitors to snap up an unexpectedly easy win. With it, the Gatorades took early control of the Long Division.



Swing-and-a-miss: Orrince's hat is cool.

Oh yeah, the call. Prior to the game, the ump (Note: ‘twas I) gave pre-game instructions to the pitchers and captains of both teams. He told them to yell and scream all they wanted, to ridicule the ump as they saw fit, and not to hold back their emotions. The only line in the sand was to not interfere with calls made by the umps. Just don’t make calls, not from the dugout, defense or base coaches. Those calls will be overturned and will go against you for interfering.

Wouldn’t you know, in the bottom of the 4th, your Uncle Mude found himself leaning against Dante’s Furnace. Brooke Sartawi (Note: my wife) failed to get back to first in time and was doubled up on a fly ball. That should have been the third out of the inning, but someone (I’m not saying it was Orrince) yelled “Out!” from the Sluggos dugout before the base ump could make the call.

Not even close: Brooke Sartawi would have been out at first.

Why me? Anyway, the inning went on. (But it would’ve been nice had the Traitors been good sports and just given up an easy out.) The three runs the Traitors put up in that inning had no effect on the game, as the Sluggos themselves stated. Later that night, however, I could hear a bunch of guys at a poker game insulting every member of my family, in vivid detail, from clear across town. Guys, leave my maternal great-great-uncle out of this, eh? The only thing he associated with “soft ball” was labaneh.

After the game, but before the Mude Haters Poker Club convened, I witnessed an event that changed me forever. Sluggo Orrince fed his baby daughter a jalapeno. She cried and cried. He laughed and laughed. Why would he do this to his own adorable baby? Because he can. I will never cross him again.

On a lighter note, here's Kevin Rowlson, taking his punishment like a, um...man...sorta:

Stranded Nomads seek the company of Wilson

An eyewitness said this game definitely gave the fans in the stands their money’s worth. (It’s free admission…get it?)

The good news for Bling Bling is that they kept the game surprisingly close. The impending arrival of their uniforms should make up the difference in future games, because it’s all about how good you look out there.

Aside from the first inning, the Nomads stranded a steaming heap of base runners, failing to take advantage of their many scoring chances. They may think they got an easy win, but others are looking at this game as having exposed some serious chinks in the Tribe’s armor. Are the Nomads merely playing down to their competition, or are they a flawed team?

Next week, the Sluggos, who will be very angry, will answer that question when they face Massarweh’s ‘Mads. Ziggy and Schwa have been burning the phone lines to their bookies, with the smart money on the Sluggos.

Here's some game action from the first inning, with the bases loaded for Shukri Saleh:

Blinger left scratching his head after Shukri's deep fly ball scores four runs.

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Unveiling of the trivia prize: The winner gets to have his or her team’s batters’ first plate appearances accompanied by the song of their choice, to be played over the PA system. Just like in the majors. We’re big time now, people.

The rest of the teams will have a chance to bid for the same musical treatment later, as part of our ongoing fundraising efforts. (In other words, please don’t take advantage of this on your own.)

Last week's trivia question was correctly answered by Dan Crawford, guitarist for the musical sensation The Hamptons. (Perhaps you’ve heard of him.) Correctly identifying the Beatles as the connection (details at bottom) between June 27th’s six posts didn’t really win Dan the prize, as he doesn’t have a softball team. So I’ll reward him with giving the public a look at his beloved Lucy:



This week’s trivia question is far too easy, because we want to give away the prize. Similar to last week, name the connection between the posts. Hint: All you have to really do is look at the headlines. Handicap: You can be pretty vague and still get it right.

One answer per person. Relatives of the typist and those who sleep with him are not eligible. Please answer in the comments section of this post. If a non-player wins, he/she will pick the team who gets the prize.

Details on the Beatles-Posts Connections:

* Remember to let her into your heart: From the song "Hey Jude," referring here to Maryam
* But when you talk about destruction: From "Revolution," referring to Abu Mitchell's fatwa
* Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you…The Beats: Change "Beats" to "Beatles" and you've got Ed Sullivan's 1964 intro
* Of all these friends and lovers: From "In My Life," referring to the many connections between the two teams
* I’ve got blisters on my fingers: From "Helter Skelter," referring to all the words I typed
* Still they lead me back to the long, winding posts: From "The Long and Winding Road," referring to the connections between the posts, and leading you to the trivia question