Monsters Slouch Towards Slogway Park

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
W.B. Yeats - The Second Coming

Green Monsters 21, Hit Squad 20

It's Holiday time, and your Slogger is feelin' apocalyptic. When an Amman Softball League team flies in a player from another country to play in one game against their hated rivals, you know the end is near. And when that player hits three home runs, including one out-of-the-park shot, and nearly carries his team to victory, you might as well assume that the end has already come.

Larry Martin dropped in from Baghdad, on his way back home to the US, making his dramatic return to ASL with those taters. All three of his Hit Squad rounders were hit at, near, or above my wife, the lovely Brooke Sartawi. Why so mean, Larry? Brooke did have the last laugh, though, as her team won, with Monsters shortstop Dan McEwan going 5-for-5 with 4 runs and 6 RBI's. [Disclosure: I'm the Monsters co-captain, so I'll keep the game "commentary" to a minimum.]

Hit Squad were up 6-5 after the 1st inning and 12-7 after three. The Green Monsters went on a 14-2 run in the 4th & 5th to take a 21-14 lead, before holding on for the 21-20 win. Some key performers included Hit Squad's Ali Lejlic (4-4, IPHR) and Greenie Tom Manning (5-5, 2 3B's). Green Monsters are now tied for first place, while Hit Squad drop into a tie for third.

Hit Squad co-captain Mark McPherson is trying to get Larry back in town for the Tournament in March. The Monsters are all for it, but how funny would it be if he did move mountains to return, only to have that day's games get rained out? The over/under on the level of Funny is currently "Very," so place your bets.

Larry Martin and Nuri Al-Maliki, beer league buddies.

Larry tried to teach softball to his Iraqi counterparts, but I'm not sure they got it. Here are Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Al-Maliki's Top Ten Softball Tips:

10. Split your softball team into three autonomous teams; kill each other.
9. Send your players to a softball training camp. When they return, kill them.
8. Send 10% of your roster to other teams, thus driving up their cost of living.
7. Buy a Mercedes for each of your players, then claim poverty and have the other teams pay your entry fee.
6. Replace 1st base with a land mine. If your base coach gets hurt, blame Iran.
5. When one of your players reaches 2nd base, issue a statement claiming victory is at hand.
4. When he's thrown out at 3rd, blame Syria.
3. Allow your fans to rush the field during the game and attack your opponent with bats. But to show you're really a good sport, allow each attacker to carry only one bat.
2. Claim your opponent's score is exaggerated because the scorekeeper cannot possibly know the reality of of how softball affects you.
1. If all else fails, blame Kurret al-Qaeda.

One Win, Two Win, Red Win, Blue Win...and 'Roid Rage

Where do they come from? I can't say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.
Dr. Seuss - One Fish Two Fish

4U2NV 24, Trojans 23 (7 Innings)

4U2NV celebrate their first win with some...fruit juice and granola.

What a fantastic game. When a handful of Bling Bling's players broke ranks and created the Trojans, with the rest of the Blingers regrouping to form 4U2NV, an instant rivalry was born.

It was a back-and-forth nailbiter, with Saif Barhoum's defectors holding on to a 21-18 lead going into the bottom of the 6th inning. Team Envy would not be denied, though, and they rallied to tie the game and force that extra inning.

As they had all game, the Trojans rose to the occasion behind the bats of Laith Masri and Laith Barhoum, re-taking the lead, 23-21, before giving Envy their at-bats. All week, the Gheereh bunch emphasized patience and plate discipline. That strategy paid off with walk after walk, including captain Neal Zureikat being forced home with the winning run on Ball Four.

Kevin Rowlson filled in for absent Envy pitcher King Khaled. The Trojans were good sports about it. But then Kevin got hurt, and Santa/Freak Shukri Saleh stepped in. The Trojans protested, offering to allow Shuk to pitch, but not bat. All or nothing were the choices they were given, and being good sports, they went with all. But as co-captain Laith Barhoum said, "One player shouldn't have made the difference."

And it wasn't just that one player. 4U2NV's women, Tamara Goudian with her stellar outfield defense, and Suzy Sawalha and Maha Swais with their disciplined bats, all played great games. For their part, the Trojans have one of the best female players in the league in Wajiha Husseini.

During the post-game celebration, 4U2NV's co-captain Jawad Dabbas delivered a clasic line at the expense of his fallen foes: "The Trojans are so ineffective, they should change their name to the Morning After Pills."

It could have been worse, though, as the Trojans could have gone with a different brand:


Given the options, I'd say Trojans were the right choice.

Nomads 18, Slackers 15

This would have been the space where details of the game were provided, but there is some disturbing news breaking right now. Shukri Saleh, last season's Home Run Champ (and ASL's career HR leader), has been included in a special addendum to the Mitchell Report.

When reached for comment, Shukri denied the allegations and challenged the accusers to test him. "They just want to take down the champ," said a defiant Shuk. "Test me. I'll give blood samples, hair, poop, whatever you want."

So confident of his skills, Shukri offered to swing a wooden bat from now on--while in handcuffs.

In the most damning part of the report, Shuk's former personal trainer, Manfookh Abu Adallat, is quoted as saying, "If one of his teammates sniffed Shukri's armpits, that player would fail a steroids test. That's how 'roided up he is."

Speaking of Shuk's teammates, was that 'Roid Rage by Nomads captain Omar Massarweh after he was called out at 3rd base against the Slackers? Omar could not be reached for comment, but a source close to him opined that it was not very likely.

"I wish Omar were on steroids," said the source, on condition of anonymity. "When he goes to a healthy restaurant, he dips the lettuce in mayonnaise. I doubt he's juicing."

When a third Nomad was linked to steroids, he seemed at first to confess. The player, who will not be mentioned because he was exonerated by a proctologist, was asked if we was "on the 'roids."

"Aywa, mazboot," he replied. "Walla hal bawaseer gatlatni."

Week 2 Results: Tighty Whitey Edition

Your humble Slogger has to get in a better mood. I'll add more details as soon as that happens, and hopefully some of it will be amusing. It was a day full of great, tight games, with the lowest combined margin of victory for three games in our five-season history. Green Monsters 21, Hit Squad 20 Nomads 18, Slackers 15 4U2NV 24, Trojans 23 (7)

Week Two Preview: Old Friends Meet Again

It's Rivalry Week, kids. Three games, three opportunities for absolute mayhem. 10:00 AM - Green Monsters @ Hit Squad (Umps: Slackers) The two teams share a common ancestor in 2005's Intruders. Renamed the Green Monsters the following summer, several of the current players from both these teams won that season's championship together. The next season, the Monsters essentially split into three teams: the Beats, along with the Sluggos--who lost the championship game to (you guessed it) the Green Monsters. The Sluggos and Beats are in the arms of History now, with Hit Squad being the latest team to try to knock off their distant Green cousins. We hear that ringers are being flown in from all corners of the globe. It'll be intense, for sure. 11:30 AM - Slackers @ Nomads (Umps: 4U2NV) The Jordan Derby pits Amman Softball League's two best teams with all-local roots--and easily the highest collective blood pressure in any game you'll see this season. The first game between these impassioned rivals was tight until the Slackers lost control of their emotions and gave the game away. But the Slackers have to be wondering if the Nomads have looked past this game. With all the trash talking going on between the 'Mads and a team they're not even playing this week, have the Bedouins already chalked this one up as a win? 1:00 PM - Trojans @ 4U2NV (Umps: Hit Squad) Of all the possible scenarios going into this season, I don't think anyone could have predicted that Bling Bling would split into two teams. But they did, and there is now some bad blood between the Trojans and 4U2NV. Trojans captain Saif Barhoum, himself a Blingvet, hand-picked a few former teammates and, along with brother and team screamer Laith, put together a new team. This left the other Blingers sad and homeless. That is, until Neal Zureikat put together 4U2NV, a team with great potential and women who can seriously play the game. And now they're all trying to burst the Trojans bubble.

Week One Results: Blood Follows Rain

A couple of massacres during Week One -- and a nice comeback that needed an extra inning before it reached the FDA-recommended internal cooking temperature. DEC. 8, 2007: Nomads 30, 4U2NV 2 Hit Squad 19, Trojans 14 (7 innings) Green Monsters 33, Slackers 11 A few notes: * 4U2NV does not exist just for you to envy. They exist for you, too, Nevada. * Them Nomads look tough. Last year's home run champ was freakin' pitching for them. * The Trojans could not protect a lead. Punsters, have fun in the comments section. * Hit Squad has heart. On such a large team, great things will happen if the pecking order is decided by game skills. * The Slackers just want to say: Yil3an abu umm jamal sittek fi sitteen surmayeh! * The Green Monsters have reloaded. Come get us.

Let's Beat Up On Each Other, Eh?

We had some fun with the preseason exhibition warming up crap, but it's time the games counted for something. Amman Softball League will kick off regular season play for the Winter League this Saturday, December 8th. Here's your schedule: 10:00 AM: Nomads @ 4U2NV (Umps: 2 Trojans) 11:30 AM: Hit Squad @ Trojans (Umps: 2 Nomads) 1:00 PM: Green Monsters @ Slackers (Umps: 2 Hit Squad) PLEASE show up with competent people to umpire when it's your turn. This is your league. ---------------------------------------------- The revised rules, team registration form and the rest of the schedule are all available for you to download in the Slogs Downloadables, in the green sidebar on the right of your screen. From the new rules, which were approved by all the captains, comes the following nugget: Warm-ups: We’re having none of it between innings. Please switch quickly and be ready to play. The schedule for warm-ups, using the small field, breaks down thusly: •Game 1 (10:00 AM): Visitors get small field prior to game time; Home may use big field. •Game 2 (11:30 AM): Visitors get small field from 10:00-10:40; Home from 10:40-11:20. •Game 3 (1:00 PM): Visitors get small field from 11:30-12:10; Home from 12:10-12:50. •Game 4 (2:30 PM): Visitors get small field from 1:00-1:40; Home from 1:40-2:20. This is crucial for managing our limited game time. Please do not bring balls out to the infield between innings. Little League is having some baseball activities on Fridays this month, so the big field will not be available for practice on those days. You may, however, use the small field on any day, provided you reserve a spot in the comments section of THIS POST, which will be valid for THIS WEEK. Cool? (There will be a practice reservation post every week.) NOTE: On behalf of Mark, Hit Squad has the small field for practice this Friday, Dec. 7, from Noon-2 PM. Everyone else, please use the comments section. And another thing: Teams may add an extra Extra Hitter this season. If you use two EH's, at least one must be a female. Finally: Please read the rules.