Eagerly Losing Everything

Hey, you degenerates!

Greetings from Ohio, home of $15 cases of beer and the sexy bodies that drink them. In a related item: How many 250-pound women can you fit into a size small halter top? Every damn one of them, apparently. Also a related item: They're f&*#ing called SKINNY jeans, you fat f&*%ing f&#ks.

I really need to go on a crash diet. I already feel myself verging. We don't want to verge, people. Never, ever verge.

I believe there's something of a softball season going on out there, yes? How's that working out for all y'all? Shut up. Don't answer that. I will tell YOU how it's working out...

Around The Horn's magic number is 1, meaning either one more win by them or one more loss by the Embassy, and they clinch the Tournament's top seed. Around The Horn's next game just happens to be against the winless and forfeit-happy ELE. Vegas is refusing to make odds.

For the Embassy to get the top seed, they need to win all three of their remaining games and have Around The Horn lose both of their remaining games. So it realistically looks like a three-way race for the second seed, because...

The Slackers & GoodFellas have been eliminated from the race for the top seed, but they both are alive for #2. All of this will work itself out, most likely by the end of this Friday's games, as the Embassy is taking on both GoodFellas and the Slackers.

ELE is locked in at #5 for the Tourney. That's 11 games and zero wins over the span of (almost) two seasons for the Sponsored Ones. Drink up, kids. My next case of $15 beer shall be guzzled in your honor.

IMPORTANT: Updated-revised-typed-and-PDF'd Rules(!) & an up-to-date schedule/results table can now be downloaded in the Downloadables section of this blog. If you can't find the Downloadables section, please click here.

Here's what you'll be doing this Friday...

July 23:

9:00 AM: ELE @ Around the Horn (Umps: Embassy)
10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
NOON: Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

Enjoy it. Anyone want to chime in with early predictions? Anyone...?

PS: Declan started walking last week.