Inter-Division Play Heats Up With Vegas (Fe)Lines

Ziggy (bottom, girl) and Schwa (boy) disagree a lot this week.

Culture Appreciation Game: Stars at Sluggos

Time: 9:00 AM
Temp: 76/24
Wind: 10/16
Umps: Mude & Kevin

Schwa’s Pick: Nobody appreciates Arab culture like the Sluggos.
Ziggy’s Pick: …but Abu Mitchell works in Zarqa! Stars win.

Battle for Jordan: Nomads at Slackers

Time: 10:30 AM
Temp: 79/26
Wind: 12/19
Umps: Sluggos

Schwa’s Pick: On Orange! On Slackers! Now give me some beef.
Ziggy’s Pick: Mmm..Swarthy Nomadic men in shorts. Win it for Jordan!

One More Miracle, and We’ll Qualify For Sainthood: Slackers at Beats

Time: Noon
Temp: 83/28
Wind: 12/19
Umps: Nomads

Schwa’s Pick: I won’t pick the Slackers again until I get my beef!
Ziggy’s Pick: No Miracles, but lots of sand. Advantage Slackers.

Someone Has To Win: Bling Bling at Beats

Time: 1:30 PM
Temp: 86/30
Wind: 14/22 (Note: Always from the West, left field to right field.)
Umps: Traitors

Schwa’s Pick: Did you say Beefs? Oh, no? Beats? OK then, Beats.
Ziggy’s Pick: A tie is out of the question. Beats will romp.

Game of the Week: Eagles at Traitors

Time: 3:00 PM
Temp: 87/31
Wind: 15/24
Umps: Beats

Schwa’s Pick: With those strong winds blowing in from left to right, both teams will see their power negated. This game will come down to which team’s outfielders can best judge fly balls. The Eagles have young legs patrolling their outfield, but the Traitors lawnkeepers are the best in the league. Traitors will win a close, low-scoring game.

Ziggy’s Pick: When did that purring hairball get so smart? I agree with the squeaky little boycat about the importance of outfield defense, but I think the Eagles’ speed and their ability to hit to all fields will translate to victory for the Blackshirts. It will be a close, hard-fought game, and I predict a lot of whining.

Trivia Time: How Does A Lawyer Bill This?

Warning: If you're easily offended by violence, politics or religion, then please go fix yourself a snack while the rest of us enjoy ourselves. I got the following clip from Uncle Chris, who got it from a personal injury attorney in Colorado. I won't mention the lawyer's name, because I don't want him to sue me--or worse, bite me while I'm snorkeling. Watch the clip and get the trivia question at the bottom. When all was said and done, the driver felt he did not receive what was promised to him, so he hired the aforementioned Colorado attorney to sue God. My question to you: Should he win the lawsuit, what will be the lawyer's fee for the case? Hint: His fee is based upon a 1/3 contigency fee structure. Answer in the comments section of this post, please. One answer per person. Relatives of the Slogger-in-Chief and those sleeping with him are finally eligible.

My Wife Beans Me (And Bling Crushes The Traitors)

Last Friday, some of the Polyphonic Blingtones joined half the Nomads and Slackers to watch Tessio beg to be let off the hook. (You know, for old times’ sake.) The Gatoradin’ Traitors were in town, so a game had to be played. Orrince, YAM, Kristin, Gunny and I jumped over to BlingNation. The battle was afoot.

I’ll spare you the suspense. Bling Bling won this game. Were it not for the small technicality of Bling’s forfeit, you would all see a big fat “1” in the Traitors’ loss column. It was a blowout. We stopped keeping score after it was 27-0 in the 3rd inning.

Kinzi over at "my treasure" is digging up ideas on “how playing sports together can enhance your marriage.” She was kind enough to link to the thrilling, back-to-back Taweel homers, but I’m here today to speak the truth—not some four bag fantasy.

My wife plays for the Traitors, and she was patrolling second base during this game. I hit a grounder and Brooke tried to turn two. She threw one of her laser throws that went wide and hit me in the leg…five feet after I was safe at first. It left a nasty bruise. How’s that for an enhanced marriage?

Perhaps Brooke did this in retaliation for an incident that occurred during the previous inning. She hit what looked to be a single to left, but being a Traitor, she tried to take the extra base against a weaker opponent. Manning first base in my manly manner, I stopped her. She put up a fight. I carried her back to first. (Told ya I'm manly.)

You see, Brooke’s family has entrusted me with her safety. Second base is dangerous. It’s out there in the middle of nothing, all square and white and dusty. I did not want my wife to fall victim to some nefarious plot. So I saved her and brought her back to the taupe-level security of first base. See what a good guy I am?

Not only did I get rewarded for my heroic deed with a beaning, but one of Brooke’s teammates later added insult to my injury. Traitor Dwaine Childs mustered all his strength and rolled a soft grounder to YAM at third, who made a perfect throw. Knowing he was meat at first, Dwaine, channeling A-Rod, actually slapped the ball out of my hand, earning the nickname Slappy McDwaineRod. Of course, Brooke thought it was funny.

So what do I do to enhance my marriage now, people? Drawing on my threat to exercise my right to simultaneously keep four wives, Brooke came up with an idea for a bumper sticker. The words are hers, and the design is mine. If sports don’t bring you closer, try making fun of each other. It works for us.