Regular Season Ends

ELE (Forfeit)
GoodFellas

Slackers
ELE (Forfeit)

Around The Horn 10
Embassy 6

The official Tournament schedule will be posted soon.

Note: If you're not going to field a team on a given day, please have the courtesy to let your opposing captain (and Kevin) know. Not asking for much more than very basic manners.

Results from July 23

ELE 6
Around The Horn 13

GoodFellas 20
Embassy 11

Embassy 6
Slackers 20

Notes:

- Around The Horn have clinched the top overall seed for the Tourney.
- The Slackers have clinched the #2 seed.
- The Embassy crew & GoodFellas have the same record at 3-4, but GoodFellas own the tiebreaker due to the head-to-head record (two games to none). The Embassy can still get the 3rd seed, but they have to beat Around The Horn next week and have GoodFellas lose to ELE. Any other result, and GoodFellas end up as the #3 seed.
- As mentioned before, ELE is locked in as the #5 seed.

Here's what's coming up...

July 30:

9:00 AM: ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
10:30 AM: Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
NOON: Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):

9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 ELE @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Slackers
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Around The Horn*
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home
*NOTE: #1 Seed can choose which Semis time slot to play.

Eagerly Losing Everything

Hey, you degenerates!

Greetings from Ohio, home of $15 cases of beer and the sexy bodies that drink them. In a related item: How many 250-pound women can you fit into a size small halter top? Every damn one of them, apparently. Also a related item: They're f&*#ing called SKINNY jeans, you fat f&*%ing f&#ks.

I really need to go on a crash diet. I already feel myself verging. We don't want to verge, people. Never, ever verge.

I believe there's something of a softball season going on out there, yes? How's that working out for all y'all? Shut up. Don't answer that. I will tell YOU how it's working out...

Around The Horn's magic number is 1, meaning either one more win by them or one more loss by the Embassy, and they clinch the Tournament's top seed. Around The Horn's next game just happens to be against the winless and forfeit-happy ELE. Vegas is refusing to make odds.

For the Embassy to get the top seed, they need to win all three of their remaining games and have Around The Horn lose both of their remaining games. So it realistically looks like a three-way race for the second seed, because...

The Slackers & GoodFellas have been eliminated from the race for the top seed, but they both are alive for #2. All of this will work itself out, most likely by the end of this Friday's games, as the Embassy is taking on both GoodFellas and the Slackers.

ELE is locked in at #5 for the Tourney. That's 11 games and zero wins over the span of (almost) two seasons for the Sponsored Ones. Drink up, kids. My next case of $15 beer shall be guzzled in your honor.

IMPORTANT: Updated-revised-typed-and-PDF'd Rules(!) & an up-to-date schedule/results table can now be downloaded in the Downloadables section of this blog. If you can't find the Downloadables section, please click here.

Here's what you'll be doing this Friday...

July 23:

9:00 AM: ELE @ Around the Horn (Umps: Embassy)
10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
NOON: Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

Enjoy it. Anyone want to chime in with early predictions? Anyone...?

PS: Declan started walking last week.

Scores & Schedule Update - Through Week 5

Kevin Rowlson is back in the HKJ to get all you degenerates in line. He is Acting Commish. Call him Boss.

Here's your complete results & schedule update. The current standings are at the top of the green sidebar, on the right of this page. Take small bites & chew thoroughly...

June 18:

Embassy 9
Around The Horn 18

GoodFellas 8
Slackers 18

June 25:

Around The Horn (WIN)
ELE (FORFEIT)

Around The Horn 14
GoodFellas 11

Slackers 7
Embassy 8

July 2:

Around The Horn 11 (Kissed Own Sister)
Slackers 11 (Also Kissed Own Sister)
     (Final - Played 8 Innings)

ELE 8
Embassy 32

GoodFellas 26
ELE 8

July 9:

Embassy (FORFEIT)
GoodFellas (WIN)

Slackers 20
GoodFellas 14

ELE 6
Slackers 19

July 16:

Embassy (WIN)
ELE (FORFEIT)

GoodFellas 9
Around the Horn 25

Slackers 9
Around the Horn 15

July 23:

9:00 AM: ELE @ Around the Horn (Embassy)
10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
NOON: Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

July 30:

9:00 AM: ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
10:30 AM: Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
NOON: Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):

9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 Seed @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Seed
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home

Schedule - Rest O' The Way

Game times, as usual, are 9:00 AM, 10:30 AM & Noon.
(Umping assignments are in parentheses.)

July 16:
Embassy @ ELE (Around the Horn)
GoodFellas @ Around the Horn (ELE)
Slackers @ Around the Horn (GoodFellas)

July 23:
ELE @ Around the Horn (Embassy)
GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

July 30:
ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):
9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 Seed @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Seed
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home

REVISED July 9 Sked

July 9:
9:00 AM - US Embassy @ GoodFellas (2 Slackers)
10:30 AM - Slackers @ GoodFellas (2 ELE)
Noon - ELE @ Slackers (2 GoodFellas)