BREAKING NEWS:
Ziggy and Schwa grew close over the past week.It’s late, I know. I was out of town. Also, Ziggy and Schwa were upset about it, and it’s hard to write one of these previews without creatures who actually know the game. Also, I’m lazy.
It's going to be the hottest gameday of the season. If you're reading this, thank you for dropping in and being a loyal Slogger. Your reward is this urgent plea to hydrate all day long. If you're not reading this, then you won't know that I don't care if you drink water or not. Here's what the kittens have to say about Week 7 at Slogway Park...
Nomads (5-1) @ Traitors (6-0)
Time: 9:00 AM
Temp: 90°F/32°C
Wind: From NW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Yvette
Ziggy and Schwa agree: The Traitors’ depleted lineup and age will finally catch up to them. (Remember, these are the cats' words, not mine. But I happen to agree.) The only question in the minds of the Vegas Felines is whether or not Shukri can hit one out, despite winds which will be blowing straight in from center. First the Nomads will rattle the Traitors, then they’ll beat them. Nomads by 6 runs.
Traitors (6-0) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time: 10:30 AM
Temp: 94°F/34°C
Wind: From NW shifting to from WNW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Maher
Ziggy: This will be a letdown game for the Traitors—and some revenge for the Sluggos. The Traitors have spent all week firing shots at the Nomads, forgetting all about the Sluggos. That is some serious disrespect. Ali Lejlic and Chris Hattayer are back for the Sluggos, and the Traitors will learn a lesson. Despondent over their loss to the Nomads and still seemingly unaware they're playing a double-header, the Gatorades will let one slip away...and they'll pretend not to care.
Schwa: Even though she left me alone in this house with the Evil White Cat for five days, I’m going with Mrs. Mude’s team. The Traitors will find a way to overcome the injuries and missing players to pull off the win, but it'll be a wake-up call for them.
Bling Bling (0-6) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time: Noon
Temp: 97°F/36°C
Wind: From WNW, 9 MPH/14 KM
Umps: Beats
Ziggy: I can’t pick the Sluggos to beat the Traitors and not Bling Bling. Captain Yvette Martin and crew have been working 'round the clock to reload, and it’ll pay off against the Shinies.
Schwa: Dumb Ziggy. Blingbeefers are so due. It’s the upset of the season, and I’m calling it: Bling Bling gets in the win column this week. Cap'n Neal is back, they've finally got another chick, er, woman, and just about every player on the team has improved over the course of the season. [Note: The boycat's chauvinism is not endorsed by the Slogs, but it is enjoyed.]
Stars (1-6) @ Beats (1-6)
Time: 1:30 PM
Temp: 100°F/38°C
Wind: From WNW shifting to from W, 11 MPH/17 KM
Umps: Eagles
Ziggy and Schwa love paisans: Greg Ambrosio, the Beats’ winter co-capo, made some threatening remarks to the guy who feeds us beef snacks. But it turns out they’re cousins. The Beats will turn it around and will win two out of their final three games.
Eagles (5-2) @ Slackers (4-2-1)
Time: 3:00 PM
Temp: 102°F/39°C
Wind: From W, 12 MPH/19 KM
Umps: Nomads
Ziggy and Schwa have exercised their right to withhold comment due to a possible conflict of interest.
It's going to be the hottest gameday of the season. If you're reading this, thank you for dropping in and being a loyal Slogger. Your reward is this urgent plea to hydrate all day long. If you're not reading this, then you won't know that I don't care if you drink water or not. Here's what the kittens have to say about Week 7 at Slogway Park...
Nomads (5-1) @ Traitors (6-0)
Time: 9:00 AM
Temp: 90°F/32°C
Wind: From NW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Yvette
Ziggy and Schwa agree: The Traitors’ depleted lineup and age will finally catch up to them. (Remember, these are the cats' words, not mine. But I happen to agree.) The only question in the minds of the Vegas Felines is whether or not Shukri can hit one out, despite winds which will be blowing straight in from center. First the Nomads will rattle the Traitors, then they’ll beat them. Nomads by 6 runs.
Traitors (6-0) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time: 10:30 AM
Temp: 94°F/34°C
Wind: From NW shifting to from WNW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Maher
Ziggy: This will be a letdown game for the Traitors—and some revenge for the Sluggos. The Traitors have spent all week firing shots at the Nomads, forgetting all about the Sluggos. That is some serious disrespect. Ali Lejlic and Chris Hattayer are back for the Sluggos, and the Traitors will learn a lesson. Despondent over their loss to the Nomads and still seemingly unaware they're playing a double-header, the Gatorades will let one slip away...and they'll pretend not to care.
Schwa: Even though she left me alone in this house with the Evil White Cat for five days, I’m going with Mrs. Mude’s team. The Traitors will find a way to overcome the injuries and missing players to pull off the win, but it'll be a wake-up call for them.
Bling Bling (0-6) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time: Noon
Temp: 97°F/36°C
Wind: From WNW, 9 MPH/14 KM
Umps: Beats
Ziggy: I can’t pick the Sluggos to beat the Traitors and not Bling Bling. Captain Yvette Martin and crew have been working 'round the clock to reload, and it’ll pay off against the Shinies.
Schwa: Dumb Ziggy. Blingbeefers are so due. It’s the upset of the season, and I’m calling it: Bling Bling gets in the win column this week. Cap'n Neal is back, they've finally got another chick, er, woman, and just about every player on the team has improved over the course of the season. [Note: The boycat's chauvinism is not endorsed by the Slogs, but it is enjoyed.]
Stars (1-6) @ Beats (1-6)
Time: 1:30 PM
Temp: 100°F/38°C
Wind: From WNW shifting to from W, 11 MPH/17 KM
Umps: Eagles
Ziggy and Schwa love paisans: Greg Ambrosio, the Beats’ winter co-capo, made some threatening remarks to the guy who feeds us beef snacks. But it turns out they’re cousins. The Beats will turn it around and will win two out of their final three games.
Eagles (5-2) @ Slackers (4-2-1)
Time: 3:00 PM
Temp: 102°F/39°C
Wind: From W, 12 MPH/19 KM
Umps: Nomads
Ziggy and Schwa have exercised their right to withhold comment due to a possible conflict of interest.
Now you can plan your day. (Hooray, meteorology!)
12 comments:
Bling Bling!!!
if we win tom, I'll run naked in the field!
Uh-oh.
Would the threat of having a camcorder in my possession during and after your game spare us this celebration?
Good luck!
no respect I tell you... None....
Oh well... let's see what mude and his pussy cats have to say tomorrow....
I just want to say that on August 10th, we will be having the last game of the regular season against the Slackers... 6 of them will be missing due to vacations, and I ask anyone interested in joining them for a an effort to defeat us (barring we dont lose next week) to please let them know....
Der Kommissar approves of EZ's plan. Bring your nations together with the Slackers and see if you can down the unsinkable Traitors.
Am Ready to join the slackers in a humble attempt to beat the steroid driven traitors.. Coomish i believe after watching the barry bonds saga you should think about testing those traitors!! i think most if not all would fail!!
Traitors, we coming to get you.
Thanks, Hangover Helper. Who are you, and why can't you leave your name?
I think his name is 4 tylenols and a glass of water
Dear Hangover Helper,
Thank you for your offer to join the Slackers, you are more than welcome to join, but maybe next season.
We would also like to take a step back and thank the big ez for his kind, considerate selfless act to get the best players from our other 7 'mediocre' teams in the ASLA to join efforts and take a hack at the almighty traitors, a team in which each player was hand-picked with the holy mission to win the tournament (with the exception of those two poor benchwarmers who seem to have been trapped inside the gates of traitor dugout hell and have yet to participate in the grace of traitor victory). Allow us our fellow weaklings on your behalf to accept this (mis-)match, but not on Slacker time on August 10, rather in an all-star game to be scheduled by DER KOMMISSAR, aka Gabriel of ASLA, guardian angel of the traitors at a time of HIS choosing.
As for 12pm August 10, all are more than welcome to come and taste the sweet revenge as an all-orange stake pierces through that giant traitor ego.
Yours humbly,
The Slackers
Nice job, Kevin.
This kind of classless garbage has gone on long enough, All comments will now be moderated. (Meaning they won't show up until they've been reviewed.) That's a really lame way of doing it, but there's little other choice left now. Talking trash is one thing, but personal attacks and swearing fall into an entirely different category.
KEEP IT CLEAN...and keep your fantasies of having your body parts kissed by OTHER MEN to yourself. (Or post them in the appropriate "alternative lifestyle" message boards.)
humble traitor,
will you have enough players to field a team? I would hate for you "sweet revenge" to end up being a forfeit...
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