Umm…Somebody wanna go get that ball?

In his first game back with the Beats, Javier “Gunny” Diaz went Quadrangular. And it wasn’t one of those cheap, single-and-advance-to-home-on-errors home runs, either.

No, it was a Roy Hobbsian light-buster that forced ASL to tear away a bunch of old ladies from their sewing machines. They kindly laid out all of their tape measures end to end to give us a distance of 330 feet. That’s the longest in ASL history.

Ball Go Far

Eiad Zoubi, outfielder for the Traitors, didn’t even bother putting out his cigarette* to give chase.

Your footnote: Kevin “Orange Shoelius” Rowlson, victimized pitcher. At least his team won the game. Traitors 21, Beats 12.

* With Eiad as our inspiration, we proudly announce Argilahs in the Outfield Café. If you’d like some coffee, tea or ice-cold beverage to go with your smokes while playing the outfield, just give us a holler. And of course, argilahs come in a variety of flavors. Note: An argilah is a shishah, or hubbly bubbly, or (tobacco) hookah.

So that’s what kissing your sister is like…

Brother killing brother for the profit of another
Game point: Nobody wins
- “Empire” by Queensryche

Cain kills Abel

One step. That was the difference. One more step, and Laith Abushaar would have scored the winning run. As it happened, though, he was thrown out on a perfect relay and tag at home. So the Slackers and Sluggos tied, 25-25, after 8 grueling innings of playing in near-100-degree weather.

We won’t harp on the “Slack on Slack violence” that seems to plague the Burtuqalis, but it is worth mentioning. The step that Laith needed wasn’t lost because he was slow, or tripped, or ran out of gas. It was his hesitation, for just a second, that cost his team the game. Slackers’ 3rd base coach Walid Abu Hassan was sending him all the way. But the runner hesitated because his entire dugout disagreed with Walid—vocally. Laith heard the screams, stutter-stepped, then went for it.

Had his team kept quiet and let the coach do his thing, the Slackers would still be celebrating a rousing victory. They came back from 8 runs down in the bottom of the 6th to force extra innings, then held the Sluggos scoreless for two innings. Not easy to do. Some may hold the winning run at 3rd with only one out, but the way that game was going, I would have sent Laith home, too.

Update, 7:38 PM: I'm really upset about this whole tie thing. Just look at the standings, in the upper-right of the main page. No symmetry. How is an artiste supposed to abide? You have nice, neat columns everywhere else, and then BOOM, like a big, boiling, oozing zit on a pretty girl's face: this result ruins it all.

Nomads Blank Stars; Eagles Take Shine Off Bling

There were a couple of blowouts in Week 2. The Nomads had their way with the Stars, and the Eagles easily handled Bling Bling. Shukri Saleh went yard for the 'Mads, then the Eagles' Tom Manning unveiled a pitch that was so good, it may be illegal. Aside from efficient offenses for both winning teams, the Nomads and Eagles displayed the same tough defenses which dominated their Week 1 game. Blingtopia and the Stars scored less than a broke Trekkie does. The bright note, though, was the positive attitudes the Stars and Bling Bling demonstrated. The two teams joined ASL to have fun, and they didn’t let anything bring them down. Cheers for that, and a big personal thanks from me.