One Win, Two Win, Red Win, Blue Win...and 'Roid Rage

Where do they come from? I can't say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.
Dr. Seuss - One Fish Two Fish

4U2NV 24, Trojans 23 (7 Innings)

4U2NV celebrate their first win with some...fruit juice and granola.

What a fantastic game. When a handful of Bling Bling's players broke ranks and created the Trojans, with the rest of the Blingers regrouping to form 4U2NV, an instant rivalry was born.

It was a back-and-forth nailbiter, with Saif Barhoum's defectors holding on to a 21-18 lead going into the bottom of the 6th inning. Team Envy would not be denied, though, and they rallied to tie the game and force that extra inning.

As they had all game, the Trojans rose to the occasion behind the bats of Laith Masri and Laith Barhoum, re-taking the lead, 23-21, before giving Envy their at-bats. All week, the Gheereh bunch emphasized patience and plate discipline. That strategy paid off with walk after walk, including captain Neal Zureikat being forced home with the winning run on Ball Four.

Kevin Rowlson filled in for absent Envy pitcher King Khaled. The Trojans were good sports about it. But then Kevin got hurt, and Santa/Freak Shukri Saleh stepped in. The Trojans protested, offering to allow Shuk to pitch, but not bat. All or nothing were the choices they were given, and being good sports, they went with all. But as co-captain Laith Barhoum said, "One player shouldn't have made the difference."

And it wasn't just that one player. 4U2NV's women, Tamara Goudian with her stellar outfield defense, and Suzy Sawalha and Maha Swais with their disciplined bats, all played great games. For their part, the Trojans have one of the best female players in the league in Wajiha Husseini.

During the post-game celebration, 4U2NV's co-captain Jawad Dabbas delivered a clasic line at the expense of his fallen foes: "The Trojans are so ineffective, they should change their name to the Morning After Pills."

It could have been worse, though, as the Trojans could have gone with a different brand:


Given the options, I'd say Trojans were the right choice.

Nomads 18, Slackers 15

This would have been the space where details of the game were provided, but there is some disturbing news breaking right now. Shukri Saleh, last season's Home Run Champ (and ASL's career HR leader), has been included in a special addendum to the Mitchell Report.

When reached for comment, Shukri denied the allegations and challenged the accusers to test him. "They just want to take down the champ," said a defiant Shuk. "Test me. I'll give blood samples, hair, poop, whatever you want."

So confident of his skills, Shukri offered to swing a wooden bat from now on--while in handcuffs.

In the most damning part of the report, Shuk's former personal trainer, Manfookh Abu Adallat, is quoted as saying, "If one of his teammates sniffed Shukri's armpits, that player would fail a steroids test. That's how 'roided up he is."

Speaking of Shuk's teammates, was that 'Roid Rage by Nomads captain Omar Massarweh after he was called out at 3rd base against the Slackers? Omar could not be reached for comment, but a source close to him opined that it was not very likely.

"I wish Omar were on steroids," said the source, on condition of anonymity. "When he goes to a healthy restaurant, he dips the lettuce in mayonnaise. I doubt he's juicing."

When a third Nomad was linked to steroids, he seemed at first to confess. The player, who will not be mentioned because he was exonerated by a proctologist, was asked if we was "on the 'roids."

"Aywa, mazboot," he replied. "Walla hal bawaseer gatlatni."