Monsters Slouch Towards Slogway Park

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
W.B. Yeats - The Second Coming

Green Monsters 21, Hit Squad 20

It's Holiday time, and your Slogger is feelin' apocalyptic. When an Amman Softball League team flies in a player from another country to play in one game against their hated rivals, you know the end is near. And when that player hits three home runs, including one out-of-the-park shot, and nearly carries his team to victory, you might as well assume that the end has already come.

Larry Martin dropped in from Baghdad, on his way back home to the US, making his dramatic return to ASL with those taters. All three of his Hit Squad rounders were hit at, near, or above my wife, the lovely Brooke Sartawi. Why so mean, Larry? Brooke did have the last laugh, though, as her team won, with Monsters shortstop Dan McEwan going 5-for-5 with 4 runs and 6 RBI's. [Disclosure: I'm the Monsters co-captain, so I'll keep the game "commentary" to a minimum.]

Hit Squad were up 6-5 after the 1st inning and 12-7 after three. The Green Monsters went on a 14-2 run in the 4th & 5th to take a 21-14 lead, before holding on for the 21-20 win. Some key performers included Hit Squad's Ali Lejlic (4-4, IPHR) and Greenie Tom Manning (5-5, 2 3B's). Green Monsters are now tied for first place, while Hit Squad drop into a tie for third.

Hit Squad co-captain Mark McPherson is trying to get Larry back in town for the Tournament in March. The Monsters are all for it, but how funny would it be if he did move mountains to return, only to have that day's games get rained out? The over/under on the level of Funny is currently "Very," so place your bets.

Larry Martin and Nuri Al-Maliki, beer league buddies.

Larry tried to teach softball to his Iraqi counterparts, but I'm not sure they got it. Here are Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Al-Maliki's Top Ten Softball Tips:

10. Split your softball team into three autonomous teams; kill each other.
9. Send your players to a softball training camp. When they return, kill them.
8. Send 10% of your roster to other teams, thus driving up their cost of living.
7. Buy a Mercedes for each of your players, then claim poverty and have the other teams pay your entry fee.
6. Replace 1st base with a land mine. If your base coach gets hurt, blame Iran.
5. When one of your players reaches 2nd base, issue a statement claiming victory is at hand.
4. When he's thrown out at 3rd, blame Syria.
3. Allow your fans to rush the field during the game and attack your opponent with bats. But to show you're really a good sport, allow each attacker to carry only one bat.
2. Claim your opponent's score is exaggerated because the scorekeeper cannot possibly know the reality of of how softball affects you.
1. If all else fails, blame Kurret al-Qaeda.