Draft! (Not Just Beer): It's Green Again

Winter 2010 Tournament Results...

Semis Game 1:

Slackers 13
GoodFellas 9

Semis Game 2:

ELE La Calle 4
Green Monsters 18

Championship:

Slackers 10
Green Monsters 23

Week 5 Recap: Outta Monkey References

Lama likes that all of Amman Softball League plays with Chad's balls.

Canardlys 26 Nomads 9 Before we celebrate recap Canardlys' season sweep over the Nomads, the Slogs would like to extend a warm thanks to Chad "The Imam" Bowen for finding, buying and carrying all those softballs for us to use. And now... Holy mother of a baboon's red butt, can you believe Canardlys just swept the Nomads? The first game was a narrow 7-6 win, but this game...brutal. Due to budget cuts at the Slogs, we couldn't send a correspondent to cover the game, but we hear Canardly Tamara Hawatmeh was still talking about that awesome, barehanded catch she made for an out against the JoSox a couple weeks ago. And it was awesome. In fact, it's awesomeness was only exceeded by its deliciousness. Question: Do the Canardlys, who also have Tamy "Stitch" Goudian, have the best tandem of women in the league? It's hard to argue against them. We hear that Nomad Omar Massarweh went 0-3 with two strikeouts and six errors. However, this could not be independently confirmed. What we can confirm is that Zaki Ibrahim continued his diving ways, but this time into the warm waters of Sharm El-Sheikh. Happy Anniversary to Zaki & Ghadeer. There is also a rumor floating around that Jawad Dabbas has abdicated the captaincy of the Canardlys and control of the team now rests in the hands of Maher Abu Arja. Someone please give us the scoop. As always, if either team has a recap, email it & we'll add it here. Up next week for both teams: The JoSox, who play a doubleheader. Slackers 23 Nomads 7 Some Jordan Derby. The Slogs will save the new trophy for the next game, in the hopes that it'll be something worthy of the work of art that is the new Jordan Cup. The Slackers have outscored the Nomads 61-23 in two games. Sheesh. So the Nomads were swept in their doubleheader. To be fair, they were shorthanded, having to enlist the help of some Canardlys just to round out a roster. Still, the Slackers just keep winning. That's a league-high five-game winning streak by the Slackers, if you're scoring at home. Or if you're scoring on the beach in Sharm. Or in a villa in Kursi. Some good news for the Nomads: Unlike their last three games, the Nomads will not have to suffer a penalty for missing an umping assignment. Thanks for showing up, guys. Up next week for the Slackers: The Camels. Camels 4 JoSox 28 "This is more like it." - Kevin Rowlson, JoSox "We need to practice." - Saif Barhoum, Camels Note: Type in italics is Jeff Sillin's. Regular type is mine. Today, fans at the ALLA complex witnessed the JoSox commit one of the goriest, more horrific mass Camelcides in the recorded history of the Levant. The JoSox were out for blood, revenge, pain. We managed to keep our cool on the Slogs, and even in the stands. But there was no doubt: We wanted this one, badly. The Camels were a different team this week. Apparently we thought it was against the rules to field the ball if it was below our knee caps. We will have to read the rules to confirm. The big problem was obviously our bats. There were strikeouts, popups, double plays (grr). While camels do not need much water to survive, they usually require a minimum of four at-bats per week to avoid bouts of depression. The big problem for the Camels was the JoSox defense. Those strikeouts, popups and delicious double plays didn't happen on their own. Our D made them happen; the Camels were just nice enough to play along. The Camels only got 31 at-bats in 7 innings, getting a miniscule 12 runners on base, for a .387 average -- the lowest for a Sox/Monsters opponent since winter '07. That's 1.7 baserunners per inning. You won't score runs when you trot out that 0.7 of a baserunner. For the Sox, we had 53 plate appearances in only 6 innings. 35 got on base, with 4 sac flies (all RBI). That's a .714 clip (35-49), our highest team average since hitting .811 last summer...against the Camels/Trojans in a 32-8 win. Even if we had played good defense, the JoSox were slapping line drives every which-way. I don't see how we make up 29 runs on this day. Speakin' about hitting: Zac Bonifas, Tom & John Manning, Eric Atkins and Ali Lejlic each had at least 4 hits. Add to the list our 10th hitter, Katie Domian, who went 4-5 with 3 runs and a couple RBI. Every JoSox got at least one hit and one RBI and one run scored. At least. Eric led the way with 6 RBI, while Ali scored 5 runs. For the Camels, Jeff Sillin, Aaron Bouchane and Mazen Nimri each went 2-3. Mohammad Zalatimo went 2-2 and pitched well. Guess who only got on base because he took a walk? Laith Barhoum. That's right, the plagiarist himself, the supposed Anti-Slacker and condemner-in-chief of all who draw walks. He was 0-2 before his last at-bat. He had to walk just to see what reaching base was like in this game. Nancy. (Have at him, Slackers!) With a score of 28-4, surely the JoSox had a whole mess of walks themselves. Nope. The JoSox walked exactly zero times. None. Nada. Zip. 35 for 49 and no walks. Our green hat's off to Z-Man for droppin' us some hittables. I hope that three minute speech you gave after the game while we were standing in line waiting to shake your hands was inspiring for your team, cause it sure was for me. Next game, you can expect a Haka Dance. When you lose, you have to watch the other team celebrate. Get busy winnin', or get busy watchin'.

Week 5 Preview: Cloned Ape = Rematch

In Softball, men don't walk. They swing like apes.

9:00 AM Canardlys @ Nomads Umps: 3 Slackers Note: The first 3 batters in the Nomads lineup will be automatic outs in the bottom of the 1st inning. (This is for missing their umping assignment for JoSox @ Camels on July 3.)* Rematch week kicks off with the Canardlys looking for back-to-back wins against the Nomads. Will Jawad Dabbas's screaming ways alienate his teammates or accidentally lead them to another win? 10:45 AM Slackers @ Nomads Umps: 1 Canardly & 2 JoSox Note: The first 3 batters in the Nomads lineup will be automatic outs in the bottom of the 1st inning. (This is for missing their umping assignment for Canardlys @ Slackers on July 3.)* The Nomads start game 2 of the Jordan Derby in the hole, losing 3 outs and the Black Hole that is CF Zaki Ibrahim. MIA: Massarweh's leadership. All of ASL is holding its breath to see if the Slackers will actually swing their bats. 12:30 PM Camels @ JoSox Umps: 3 Nomads The Camels, led by the bat (and mouth) of Jeff "Goldilocks" Sillin, are brimming with confidence after last week's defeat of the JoSox. They look to make it two straight, while the Sox hope to make enough adjustments to squeak by with a win.

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Still time to vote in the Nomads poll (upper right, in the green sidebar). Email suggestions for next week's poll, which will start Saturday. *The 3-out punishment for missing an umping assignment was put into effect after a unanimous captains' vote on Saturday, June 6, 2009.

Week 3 Preview: Party Like A Shaved Ape

9:00 Canardlys @ JoSox (Umped by 3 Slackers) Teammates in partying, foes on the field. A few hours after this game, Canardlys 1st baseman Chad "The Imam" Bowen and the JoSox #1 fan, Lama Saqr, will hold their engagement party. With members of both teams invited, there may be fallout from the game. I'm thinkin' fisticuffs. I'm thinkin' mayhem. Yes, Mr. Milkshake, there will be blood. *** 10:45 Nomads @ Slackers (Umped by 3 JoSox) The Jordan Derby. The teams are set to play three times this season, with the team that wins at least two games having the honor of taking home the brand new prize. The new "trophy" won't be revealed until there's something on the line, which will be their next game. What will be revealed, however, are the Nomads' new uniforms. I'm sworn to secrecy, but I'm telling you, we are going to have a lot of fun with this. *** 12:30 Slackers @ Camels (Umped by 3 Nomads) The Slackers are spreading rumors that the Camels will forfeit this game. We haven't seen that tactic yet, but if you're scared to play a team, like the Slackers quite obviously fear the Camels, then there is a smarter play. Convince the other team that your team won't show up. Then your opponents won't show up, and you'll come out of hiding to claim the forfeit. Is this what you signed up for, Ash? *** "I didn't get to vote" was sent to me by a couple people, so I'm extending the Bash Mude poll (upper right, in the Green). A new poll will be published on Saturday. Trash-talking may now commence. Or not. I really don't care what you degenerates do.

Week 1: Too Loud, Man...Too Loud

"The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven..." - Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap

A long time coming: King pitches to Jeff in the first game of Summer '09

Question: If Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Bratislav Smearpapsa were to argue with a game official about a particular call, would all three get the same treatment from that official? Answer: Who the hell is Bratislav Smearpapsa? Exactly. Rookies & Unknowns need to establish themselves and their reputation in the league in order to build the rapport necessary to OPEN THEIR FREAKIN' MOUTHS to any umpire. Then, if you rooks want to talk to an ump about a call, pay your dues long enough to become a captain. Until then, zip it. We play by a set of rules that have been voted on, item by item and line by line, by the captains of this league. The rules were not found under a sanniyeh of mansaf or revealed to someone in a wet dream. We all came up with them, together. I beg all of you to look here in the comments section for more. And for the love of falafel, read the damn rulebook as soon as you can spare four minutes in between downloading porn and cursing my name. The games... AF11 12 Trojans 20 AF11, which is last season's Bezzig & Lezzig renamed to reflect the team's current openness in mating habits, renewed their rivalry with their cousins, fellow Bling Bling descendants the Trojans. Inspired by the solid tandem of Tamy "Stitch" Goudian and former Nomad Tamara "Look Up" Hawatmeh - and the suddenly and inexplicably improved bat of Maher "The Choreographer" Abu Arja - captain Jawad "Spiked Coffee" Dabbas and his band of merry marauders jumped out to an 8-0 lead. Recognizing the need to inspire his team, Trojans co-cap Laith Barhoum got his Chuck Norris on. Instead of catching a relay from his outfielder, Laith wanted to catch it in his mouth to prove to his team that anything is possible. Ball 1, Chuck Norris 0. Eleven stitches later, Laith would rest easy in knowing that his brother, Saif, and 'mates like Jeff Sillin, Aaron Bouchane and that Rory dude, rallied and took the game. Special Note: AF11's 1B, Chad "The Imam" Bowen, pulled off something that nobody in ASL's history has been able to do: He got Lama Saqr to attend a morning game. I guess it helps that they're newly engaged. Congrats, kids. Just take a hint from the tenor of Friday's game and be careful how many ASLers you invite to the wedding. We like to destroy. Slackers 22 JoSox 23 Looking to avenge their loss in last season's championship game, the Slackers found themselves in a 19-7 hole after four innings. No problem when you have bats like they do. Led by cap Karim Barghouti, outfielder Nader Qushair and pitcher Omar Nimri, who combined to go a perfect 14-14 from the plate, the Slackers put up 4, 4 and 7 runs in the last three innings. And they held what looks to be a potent JoSox offense to exactly zero runs over that span. 22-19, Slackers lead, going into the bottom of the 7th and final inning. Gary Bonifas led off the inning with a single, and Justin Hiester knocked him in with a triple. Steve Mancuso sent him home with a double. 22-21, Slackers clinging to the lead with no outs. Mike O'Leary, the potential winning run, then singled to put runners on 1st and 3rd. Still no outs. The very next batter, David Lopez, calmly took one of Omar's patented cloud-scrapers and smoked it. Steve trotted home, followed by a hustling Mike. Ballgame. Special Note: The Slackers' Nader Qushair has been one of the best players in this league for six seasons now. It's my opinion that he's the most underappreciated player in ASL's history. Noobz 10 Nomads 11 The Nooobz are made up of brand new players who want to learn the game and have some fun. Instead of placing them on established teams, where they would see little or no playing time in our fiercely competitive league, we decided to spin them off and give them the attention they deserve. So every week, the Noobz will have a practice day with some of the league's players and coaches, where they will learn to hit and field and run the bases. Each Friday, they will play in a simulated game against one of the league's teams. In exchange for the "easy win" and valuable scrimmage time, the league team will also help in the development of these new players by working with and coaching the Noobz during the game. But, if the league team does not show up with enough players to field a team, then the result goes down as a forfeit. You really don't want that. Some special stuff for Noobz games: 1. League teams are capped at 5 runs per inning for all innings. Noobz have no limits in all innings. 2. League teams bat with the standard 3 outs. Noobz bat around for the first two innings, then go to 3 outs per inning. If the Noobz have less than 10 players, then outs are counted with the first league player's at bat (see #3). 3. The Noobz will be combined with players from other teams to form a full squad. Any player, regardless of his/her team, who wants some extra practice is encouraged to join the game. Players who can help coach and teach the Noobz are also needed to join up. 4. The goal here is to help the Noobz learn the game and have fun. Take it easy on them and always be in teaching mode. If you're reading this and want to learn the game of softball, please send an email to ASL (from the Contact info in the sidebar).

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Next week's game schedule will be published on Sunday, June 14. We'll have the full season schedule later in the week.

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For the week of June 14-20, reserve your team's practice time in the comments section of this post.

We're There: Tourney Time, Part 1

Here's an update (unrelated to the Slackers-JoSox game) for all the fans of the Leech. If you like it, I'll make it a regular Slogs feature. You can vote at the top of the column on the right side.

Slackers 7 JoSox 15 The tie is broken. There was much venom. Venomy, venomous venom. Slackers and JoSox finished the regular season tied for first place, and the tiebreaker was to determine Tournament seeding. (A best-of-three coin flip, as agreed on by the captains, determined the home team for this game.) The Tourney schedule is at the bottom. Here are your game notes for Slackers-JoSox: 1. Batting Out Of Order If an infraction is discovered immediately after a batter completes his appearance...any advances or scores due to his action are nullified, he is removed from the bases if he reached, and the proper batter is called out...and the batter that follows the proper batter who was declared out will come to the plate. If the infraction is discovered during a plate appearance (that is, a pitch has been thrown to the current batter)...there is no penalty, but the situation is rectified--the proper batter comes to bat and assumes the improper batter's current count. (LINK) 2. Leading Off A base runner may not leave the base until the bat makes contact with the ball. If the base runner leaves early (after the pitcher is on the rubber for one second but before contact is made), the umpire will declare "no pitch" and the base runner will be called out. If a runner leaves his base during a swing and the batter misses, that runner is out. (LINK) Tournament Schedule (Friday, August 15, 2008): 9:15 AM - Play-In (5) Bezzig & Lezzig @ (4) Trojans 10:45 AM - Semis 1 (3) Nomads @ (2) Slackers 12:15 PM - Semis 2 (5/4) Play-In Winner @ (1) JoSox 2:15 PM - Championship Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Is Home Team

Load Up On Canned Goods

The End of Days is nearly upon us. It must be.

Nomads 24

JoSox 12

No choke job this time. It was all Nomads, from beginning to end.

The Nomads jumped all over the JoSox, right from the start, building an 11-3 lead after two innings and never looking back. The JoSox dugout exhibited none of the confidence of the teams' earlier meeting, when the Sox put up 16 runs in the 5th inning to steal a comeback win. As such, there was little panic in the 'Mads, as they held a commanding 21-7 lead after five.

Batting cleanup and driving his team's offense, Nomads' centerfielder Zaki Ibrahim went 5-for-5 with 5 runs and 5 RBI. Nice day. From the two-hole, third baseman Khaled Rihani went 4-for-4 with 4 runs and 4 RBI, including a sacrifice fly.

Tamara Hawatmeh (far left) and Ghadeer Ibrahim (2nd from right) went from baking to hitting.

In what turned out to be the game's turning point, the JoSox were hoping to induce a double play and limit the damage caused by the Nomads' 2nd inning barage. With two on and one out, Nomads catcher Tamara Hawatmeh came up clutch with a single, which proved to be just the start of her terrific day: 3-for-4 with a run and 3 RBI. Ghadeer Abujudeh-Ibrahim didn't have quite the same day, but she did her part in the 2nd by getting on base and keeping the rally going.

Nomads shortstop Omar Massarweh went 1-for-5 with 2 RBI, but he did manage to get on base regularly, courtesy of 3 JoSox errors. Massarweh also committed three errors on defense, with a fourth error coming on a little A-Rod-style vocal interference from Sox' Ash Samawi. (Omar requested to have his stats in big games published. Careful what you wish for.)

Bezzig & Lezzig Get Swept, Party On

Trojans 21

Bezzig & Lezzig 2

Bezzig & Lezzig 9

Slackers 22

Let's not dwell on the negatives too much. Yes, B&L were swept by the Trojans and Slackers in their doubleheader. The Spitters could have taken a forfeit by the late-rising Trojans. (Insert joke here about a team named after a condom whose players cannot get up when it matters.) But Bezzig & Lezzig put on their Good Sports t-shirts and allowed their foes an extra 20 minutes to assemble their team.

But you know what? Who cares. Proof is in the pic below...

Bezzig Lezzig lost the day, but won the weekend.

Week 4: Loudmouths Lose

We've talked about Karma around here before.

After one post on these Slogs elicited 80 comments (not including the deleted ones), it appeared that we Sloggers were headed down a dark, dank, dangerous tunnel (Note: Nothing to do with Madonna), the other side of which runs on trash-talking and erotic humor rather than timely hitting and solid defense.

But ultimately, this league runs on Karma.

The blabbering going on within those four-score wit-bombs was basically an ugly threesome. (Note: Imagine the mom from Throw Mama From The Train getting it on with Steve Buscemi and Kathy Bates. There, I just saved you 45 minutes of going through all those comments.) The Nomads started it, Bezzig & Lezzig replied, and the JoSox jumped in. Rinse, repeat.

Ain't no sandwich like a Buscemi sandwich.

Guess which teams lost their following games? Yup. All three teams represented in the insultathon went home losers. Some would argue that they left home losers, too, but that's not what our loved ones keep telling us. (Shame/Disclosure: Three captains were involved, myself included. Cyanide, get in my belly.)

Slackers 21, JoSox 11

Having lost nine straight games to the various teams housing this season's JoSox, the Slackers mainlined iced coffee, snorted foul line chalk, traded some insults amongst each other, put on their Orange mesh, and started hitting.

Scream Leader Walid Abu Hassan went 2-3 with 5 RBI, while Nadim Kayyali and Yazan Barghouti each hit 3-4 with 3 RBI. But the real story was the bottom of the Slackers' order: Laith Abushaar, Tania Jordan, Nada Samawi and Nader Qushair combined to go 10-11 with 10 runs scored. (The girls were a perfect 6 for 6.)

On the JoSox side, Jeff Coupe and Shukri Saleh tried to keep up, with a total of 8-8, 5 runs and 5 RBI. The score was 10-9 after three innings, but the Slack Attack outmuscled the Sox, 11-2, down the stretch.

Since their first season in the league, back in Summer '06, the Slackers have been among the elite, even though they have not won it all. Strictly a family affair, the Orange feature brothers & sisters, husbands & wives, cousins & lifelong friends. They've never recruited or accepted another team's player and always give everyone regular playing time. Ziggy & Schwa have the feeling that Karma has been watching and will soon reward the Slacker Way.

Slackers 21, Nomads 16

After dispatching the JoSox, the Slackers found themselves in the position of playing for first place. Their opponents, the Nomads, were looking to climb from 4th into a tie for 2nd place.

Things appeared to be going the Bedouins' way, as they jumped all over the Slackers to the tune of a 15-4 lead midway through the game. But these are the Nomads, who have been known to blow big leads before--often.

The Slackers remembered who they were playing and put on their patented Orange Crush, finishing the game on a 17-1 (!) tear for a 21-16 triumph, sweeping the toughest double-header any team has faced this summer and confirming that they are the team to beat this season.

Don't believe that last statement? Smoke this: Down the stretch in their two games, the Slackers outscored the JoSox and Nomads by a combined score of 28-3. Twenty-eight to three.

There's a new hammer in town, people, and it's painted Burtuqali. The Nomads, meanwhile, remained in 4th place, while the JoSox dropped to 2nd. Slackers will play Nomads for the rubber game of the Jordan Cup (August 1, will not directly count in the standings) and finish the regular season against the JoSox (August 8).

Trojans 10, Bezzig & Lezzig 9

Searching for their first win of the season, Bezzig & Lezzig found themselves in a tight game with their rivals, the Trojans, who led 3-0 after three innings.

Co-captain Maher Abu Arja took time from pounding the sand with his leg cast and opened up his copy of the ASL rules. Huh, both teams are allowed to hit. And hit they did: 9-3 Bezzig lead midway through the 5th inning.

Trojan co-captain Laith Barhoum then calmly called a timeout and, in a very civil manner, inquired of the league coordinator as to the possibility of there being even a chance that his team might be within the rules if they responded to B&L's offensive outburst. Laith? Offensive outburst? Really?

Given the green light, the Prophos put up four runs in the bottom of the 5th and shut down the Spitters in the top of the 6th inning. Just prior to their final inning turn at bat, the Trojans purchased some carousel tickets. And around they went: Walk, single, walk, single, walk. Two runs in, game tied at 9, and the bases loaded for Saif Barhoum.

Saif can bench press around 250 lbs*. He is one of only a handful of ASL players with true home run power. What's sexier than a walk-off grand slam to beat your most hated rivals? A walk, that's what. Because a walk is the smart play in that situation. And Saif is a smart guy, so he did walk in the winning run, giving his team a 10-9 win and sole possession of 3rd place in the standings.

Unfazed, Bezzig & Lezzig hocked a loogie and headed down to their official team headquarters (Captain Jawad Dabbas' farmhouse in the Jordan Valley) to celebrate. Abu Jeep and his team went all Biblical Locust Plague on anything with an alcohol content, guzzling and swimming until the wee hours of the morning. A couple of their fans joined them (Note: Brooke and I), strictly to document the happenings in a professional and unbiased manner.

*250 lbs. (about 114 kg): That is the exact weight of the woman who knocked on my door the other day, claiming to be starving and begging for my used shoes, so she can sell them to buy food. When I offered her food instead (Note: I am a shoe whore), she turned her back on me and got back in the elevator. It's not like I offered her bacon. Sheesh.

Still trying to get the Buscemi Sandwich out of your head? Good luck with that.

Rivalry Week: Kinder, Gentler

If you're not a good sport going forward, you may very well be ejected from the game. This is absolutely serious. There will be zero tolerance for arguing & shouting matches. Be civil, please. 10:00 AM JoSox @ Slackers (Umped by Nomads) Temp: 27°-29°C (81°-84°F) Winds: 13-15 km/h (8-10 mph), from West** To completely demean myself by bringing Bon Jovi into the Slogs, only the names will change. Whether it's the Green Monsters, Traitors, or JoSox, the Slackers know who their rivals are. The Green Traitor Sox have won nine of the ten games, with the Slackers managing to snag only the first meeting. Schwa Says: JoSox are living dangerously with all those fly balls. Ziggy Says: Slacker Serenity Sabotages Sox. Oh, and meow. Summer '06 July 21, 2006 (Wk 5): Slackers def. Green Monsters* July 28, 2006 (Wk 6): Green Monsters def. Slackers* Winter '07 Feb 23, 2007 (Wk 4): Green Monsters def. Slackers* Mar 9, 2007 (Wk 6): Green Monsters* def. Slackers Summer '07 June 15, 2007 (Wk 1): Traitors* def. Slackers Aug 10, 2007 (Wk 9): Traitors def. Slackers* Aug 17, 2007 (Tourney Semis): Traitors* 13, Slackers 6 Winter '08 Dec 8, 2007 (Wk 1): Green Monsters 33, Slackers* 11 Feb 9, 2008 (Wk 6): Green Monsters* 19, Slackers 15 Mar 14, 2008 (Tourney Championship): Green Monsters* 16, Slackers 7 11:30 AM Nomads @ Slackers (Umped by JoSox) Temp: 29°-31°C (84°F-88°F) Winds: 14-18 km/h (9-11 mph), from West** It seems like just yesterday that the first Jordan Cup Derby was played. This will be Version 5. The Nomads lead 3-1 all-time. The Slackers started the last meeting with only nine players, and the difference in the outcome was one ten-run inning by the Nomads. Get your aspirin ready. Schwa Says: Break a leg, Massarweh. Ziggy Says: In three places. Summer '07 Jul 13, 2007 (Wk 5): Nomads 14, Slackers* 11 Winter '08 Dec 15, 2007 (Wk 2): Nomads* 18, Slackers 15 Mar 7, 2008 (Wk 10): Slackers* 22, Nomads 21 Summer '08 June 27, 2008 (Wk 2): Nomads* 22, Slackers 13 1:00 PM Bezzig & Lezzig @ Trojans (Umped by Slackers) Temp: 32°-33°C (89°-91°F) Winds: 18-19 km/h (11-12 mph), from West** Last summer, there was a team called Bling Bling. While calling them terrible is an insult to Ivan, they did manage to win one game...by forfeit. Somehow, that one win was split into two teams last season. The Trojans are back for sloppy seconds their second season, continuing to provide safe pleasure for ASL, while last season's 4U2NV squad caught a case of the evil eye and is now known as Bezzig & Lezzig. All-time series is tied at one. Schwa Says: If Bezzig's full roster shows up, they'll be tough to beat. Ziggy Says: Jeff Sillin, Saif Barhoum, Aaron Bouchane. Yikes. Winter '08 Dec 15, 2007 (Wk 2): 4U2NV* 24, Trojans 23 Mar 7, 2008 (Wk 10): Trojans* 18, 4U2NV 12 * Home Team ** Winds from the West blow from left field toward the Clubhouse

Craziest Day In ASL History

WARNING: Some of this post is Adult Swim. To the easily offended, please go away.

Maher Abu Arja gave it his all.

Such a grand post title, but the men & women of this league sure as heck justified it on Friday, July 11, 2008. This marvelous day deserves a record-breaking entry.

All three games featured last-inning comebacks. That's never happened before. Even more remarkable was that in all three games, it was the visiting team which came back and won. Roll film...

JoSox 24, Nomads 14
(Disclosure: I am the captain of the JoSox.)

Wait, Uncle Mude. That doesn't look like a close game! I never said "close games" -- I said "comebacks." But this game was close early, with the JoSox clinging to a 6-5 lead heading into the bottom of the 4th. That's when the Nomads flexed some desert muscle and piled up nine runs. Nine of the ten-strong bedouin batters reached base in the frame, with brand-new papa Eiad Zoubi doing so twice. The Green Sox of Jordan could only respond with two runs, but held the 'Mads scoreless in the bottom of the 5th. 14-8, Nomads lead, after five.

And that was when the hammer remembered it was the hammer, and the nail remembered it was the nail. Working from the top of the order in their 6th and final inning, the first nine JoSox batters reached base, then the first out came, then it was back to the bases-loaded carousel, with the next four hitters reaching base. During that run, the JoSox hit just two doubles. Aside from two walks, the rest were all singles. JoSox were suddenly up 16-14, and the bases were loaded. Bleed them to death.

Now, you may have missed all the give, the give back, and give some more going on in the days leading up to this game. Let's just say this game meant a lot to JoSox Shukri Saleh and friend-turned-adversary-but-still-friend, Nomad Omar Massarweh. I mentioned the bases were loaded, right? Did I mention Shukri was up to bat?

As two-time ASL home run champ, Shuk may have the reputation as a brash, me-first guy. Not true. He is extremely coachable and a good teammate. He always asks for the "green light" to swing for the fences, and hasn't made it a habit, either on the Sox or when he was a Green Monster, to do so on his own. On his way to his final at-bat against the Nomads, the following exchange took place:

Shuk: "Hey, Mude. Should I go?"
Mude: "Wouldn't be a bad idea."
Shuk: "Brooke, feel like running?"
Brooke, on 3rd base, simply smiles.

16-14 JoSox, bases loaded, 18 km/h wind blowing in from left field. Shukri Saleh channeled the frustrations of the previous two seasons into the rarest gem of this magnificent game: the easy power of a perfect swing. The ball kissed off the bat toward left field at a an arc low enough for the fielders below to be mocked by its travel plans. Like a beautiful girl from a poor, third-world family getting a visa to some far-off, exotic land of opportunity, the ball whistled its way over the heads of the shell-shocked Nomads, as if to say, "I'm getting the hell out of here, and you can't do a damn thing about it."

Grand Slam. Against his old team. And he called it.

There was no fight left in the Nomads. Their home half of the 6th was marked by the seductive comfort of knowing one's place in the world: Nail, meet Hammer.

Notes: JoSox Ali Lejlic and Ash Samawi each went 5-for-5 in the game. Brooke Sartawi is the lucky charm, having never lost to the Nomads. Khaled Rihani of the Nomads went 4-for-4 with 3 runs. Nomads pitcher Saad Kurdi faced 54 batters and walked only 4 (and hit 3-for-4 in the game).

JoSox 12, Bezzig & Lezzig 6

This game started as the evil twin of last season's 4U2NV shocker over the Green Monsters. With the scions of those teams facing off, and with the B & L crew spitting & sticking their way to an early 6-0 lead, it was all just a little bit of history repeating.

But the Green Monsters were most likely drunk that leap day, as usual, and the JoSox had a couple of 4U2NV's secret weapons on their side in starting pitcher Neal Zureikat, who held the Jury-Riggers scoreless after the six-run outburst, and in catcher Maha Swais, who was perfect at the plate and scored the winning run.

You know what? To Jahannam with all that. Let's talk about Maher Abu Arja. Pitching against the two guys who tied for the Home Run Crown last season, Maher allowed Javier "Gunny" Diaz and Shukri Saleh only a single apiece in a combined six plate appearances. Batting in front of those two? The guy who tied for second in the homer race, Ash Samawi. Facing those odds, Maher allowed only six runs on his watch to the JoSox. That's a guy with beidat the size of Saturn right there.

A little background on Young Maher. When he first joined ASL a couple of seasons ago, Maher didn't know how to hold a bat, let alone swing it. His plate appearances were easy comedy, the softball equivalent of "That's what she said" jokes. After striking out a few times on swings that could best be described as Alfonso Soriano getting hit by the short bus, he took a liking to striking out looking. Saved time. On defense, however, his game could best be described by imagining a near-sighted virgin on a prom date with Jenna Jameson. "The equipment before me looks to be of a professional grade," Maher would think to himself, "but I'm not sure what to do with it." A lot of jumping and diving into the wrong places ensued.

Here's the thing, though: Maher loves baseball. He loves to watch the game and track its stats. And he desperately wants to be good at it. So he watches MLB games, many with 2 AM local start times, savoring every nuance of the sport. He downloads videos on batting techniques. He picks the brains of the more experienced players in ASL. And he practices with the devotion of a chanting monk. And it's all paying off, not just with his pitching, which is the rarest of talents in our league, but with his hitting as well. He went 3-for-3 in this game, including his first ever double, and he scored 33% of his team's runs.

On his third at-bat, Maher didn't hit the ball well, and he knew it. So he charged to first base to try to beat the throw, hurling himself at the bag in reckless desperation. He was safe by a hair, but then came the awful scream. Slamming his knee against the hard ground during the dive--and tearing off a chunk of skin--he held onto the base, lest he be tagged out (his head was still in the game), and asked for a time out. Unable to run, Maher was subbed for by a courtesy runner, and he limped off the field in obvious and severe pain.

Then he came back in and pitched to three batters in the next inning. I told you about the Saturn beidat. No joke. That was the gutsiest thing I've seen in our six seasons. No longer able to withstand the pain and not wanting to hurt his team with his immobility, Maher grudgingly left the game, still tied at six. The loss which followed was nobody's fault, but his injury is much more severe than we all feared. And for that, the Softball Gods are to blame. Give us back one of the truly good guys, you feckless overseers of the game. Damnit.

Get well soon, Maher.

Notes: Jeff Coupe went 4-for-4 during the game, which fell on his 49th 27th birthday. Happy Brithday, Coupe, and how'd that job interview go? Also, B & L's George Seagle is a helluva ballplayer. Tamy "Stitch" Goudian probably has the best set of batter's eyes in this league. Nobody lets the junk pitches go better than she does.

Slackers 14, Trojans 13

Some levity is needed, no? This game provided it. From the opening bell, your Slogger-in-Chief knew it was going to be a long day. It started off with a new Trojans player (Note: Can we agree to call all new Trojans "rubberlings"?) objected to nearly every call made by the ump (Follow-up Note: Me). Well, not every call. Just the ones that went against his team. Seems fair enough. The essence of his game-long position was this: Players who are obviously "out" should not be called out; they should be issued a warning instead. Hmmm...

Popped up into the waiting glove of an infielder? Give it another try, sport.

Missed home plate while trying to score? Go back and do it again, kiddo.

Struck out? Shucks, here's a warning for now, and the next strike will be the real strike three.

OK, strike four doesn't count, either. But strike five is the really real strike three.

I'm not bitter. Only amused. Making your point by arguing that this is not the World Series, yet arguing every play like it is the damned World Series, simply negates your point. You can look that up in one of those logic charts, I think. Anyway, there are no Mulligans in baseball & softball. Actually, there are a couple. They're called balls and strikes. Those are your warnings. But Rubberlings are awfully cute at that age, aren't they?

(Trivia: What is less than six pages long and carries the title "Amman Softball League: 2008 Rules" on its front page? Wait, did I just give away the answer?)

Now for the fun part. Here are some actual exchanges that occurred between the Slackers:

A player in the Slackers dugout was heckling his teammate during his at-bat. The batter asked for time, stepped out of the box, and told the heckler (his teammate) to "consume feces." This is now known as the "Kol Khara Timeout."

Karim Barghouti, one of the very few sane and rational Slackers, finally reached his breaking point. While on the mound and getting yelled at by one of his outfielders, Karim stepped off the rubber and loudly instructed the offending OFer to carefully place the part of his body which first tastes food into the part of Karim's body which excretes digested food. Then he stepped back on the rubber and threw a strike. This is now known as the "Human Bidet Challenge."

And an oldie but goodie:

Slacker 1 to Slacker 2: "I make reference to your maternal parent's reproductive area!"
Slacker 2 to Slacker 1: "I make reference to your maternal parent's reprodcutive area, you canine!"
Umpire to Slacker 3: "If someone said that to me, I'd kill him."
Slacker 3 to Umpire: "It's OK. They're brothers."

This is now known as the "Kaf Alef Brotherhood"

You can't make this stuff up. Back to the game with a recap: The Trojans were up 8-6 heading into the 6th inning. The visiting Slackers scored three to take a one-run lead, only to allow the Prophos the tying run in the bottom half. Extra inning. Yay. At least it was really hot and dusty out there.

The Slackers settled down in the 7th and put up five more runs. When the Trojans came up for their last shot at the game, they showed some serious heart by loading the bases and quickly bringing in a run. Bases still loaded for Jeff Sillin, who hit a towering Grand Slam against the Nomads in last season's tournament. Ball smoked to deep center. And around they go. One run, two runs, three runs score. The Slackers' lead was down to one, with Muscle Man Bashmaster Saif Barhoum up next and the tying run in the form of Jeff on third--wait, not on third, but rounding third!

The relay throw comes in just to the first-base side of home plate. Karim's in position. He fields it off the ground and dives across the plate to meet the speedy and sliding Jeff. The umpire's eight inches away as their bodies collide.

Out at home. Clean play.

And in the on-deck circle, Saif stood with the bat on his shoulder. Next time.

Shbotmahlorbot: Weeks 5 & 6 Preview

Before the previews, please heed this bit of advice: Stop cursing, yelling and arguing. It's been getting progressively worse, and I will personally take the blame for that. But from now on, the response from the League will be just as ugly as the acts of bad sportsmanship. -Mude It's time for some separation. After this weekend, each team will have played the other five teams at least once. All ties will be broken. And with two games each, now is the time to set the tone for the home stretch of the season. Who rules ASL?

If you want the full schedule, constantly updated to match the weather, go to the Downloadables section, below the Standings in the green column.

Friday, Feb. 8: 10:00 AM: 4U2NV @ Nomads (Umps: Trojans) The Nomads got a lot younger lately. Will they bring coloring books and crayons to keep their new members occupied? Envy look to avenge the loss they suffered the last time they went up against the 'Mads, but they'll have to do it without Jiries Azar, who starts a three-game suspension for starting a fight. Last meeting: Nomads 30, 4U2NV 2 (Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: The Youth prevail. Nomads by 6. 11:30 AM: Nomads @ Trojans (Umps: Hit Squad) The Trojans look to start a winning streak with some new players. If that happens, we're hearing rumblings that Nomads captain Omar Massarweh will have the "C" ripped off his chest by Zaki "Crank Yanker" Ibrahim, who pulled a first when he argued against a called strike by citing the very rule that made it a strike. Ziggy & Schwa say: What does that "C" stand for, Rofelio? Trojans by 1. 1:00 PM: Trojans @ Hit Squad (Umps: Nomads) A tough double-header for the kids from Troy, but we hear they have some "builders" coming in. Could the Trojan Horse's historical role get reversed and help them win? It all depends on which Hit Squad shows up -- the Hittin' one or the Sittin' one. Last meeting: Hit Squad 19, Trojans 14 (7 innings, Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: We smell an upset. Trojans by 2. Saturday, Feb. 9: 10:00 AM: Hit Squad @ Slackers (Umps: Green Monsters) Hit Squad is coming off a stirring comeback against the Nomads, while the Slackers just had home run hitter Yazan Barghouti suspended for one game for swinging his handbag at a player who who threw three punches from 40 centimeters away and didn't land any. Before you think there might be misbehavin' in this game, look who's umping. Ziggy & Schwa say: Curse once and we'll snack on your entrails. Hit Squad by 3. 11:30 AM: Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 4U2NV) A couple of teams fancy themselves the rivals of the Green Monsters, but there is no more heated derby than when the Green & Orange collide. Just ask Northern Ireland. Or Ash Samawi, who goes up against friends and family with "Ex-Slacker" across the back of his Monsters jersey. Even Ash's lovely wife, fellow ex-Slacker and current Monster Abeer Kayali, still hates the Green so much, she hasn't even shown up for a game yet. Fact: The last team (still playing) to have beaten the Monsters? Slackers, back in July, 2006. Last meeting: Green Monsters 33, Slackers 11 (Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: Over/Under on Walid Abu Hassan + Rocky Abu Shaar outbursts: 2. 1:00 PM: Green Monsters @ 4U2NV (Umps: Slackers) Research just in has confirmed that 4U2NV is the first ASL team to have a fancy design in the fabric of their team jerseys. I'm not saying it makes them look soft. I'm saying I envy it. Harar Mismar talked some smack about his Envy team taking the Monsters to the wood shed. Let's hope he and Hussam Arafah say some extra prayers this week. Ziggy & Schwa say: Dirty Water, baby. Green Monsters by 6.

Monsters Slouch Towards Slogway Park

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
W.B. Yeats - The Second Coming

Green Monsters 21, Hit Squad 20

It's Holiday time, and your Slogger is feelin' apocalyptic. When an Amman Softball League team flies in a player from another country to play in one game against their hated rivals, you know the end is near. And when that player hits three home runs, including one out-of-the-park shot, and nearly carries his team to victory, you might as well assume that the end has already come.

Larry Martin dropped in from Baghdad, on his way back home to the US, making his dramatic return to ASL with those taters. All three of his Hit Squad rounders were hit at, near, or above my wife, the lovely Brooke Sartawi. Why so mean, Larry? Brooke did have the last laugh, though, as her team won, with Monsters shortstop Dan McEwan going 5-for-5 with 4 runs and 6 RBI's. [Disclosure: I'm the Monsters co-captain, so I'll keep the game "commentary" to a minimum.]

Hit Squad were up 6-5 after the 1st inning and 12-7 after three. The Green Monsters went on a 14-2 run in the 4th & 5th to take a 21-14 lead, before holding on for the 21-20 win. Some key performers included Hit Squad's Ali Lejlic (4-4, IPHR) and Greenie Tom Manning (5-5, 2 3B's). Green Monsters are now tied for first place, while Hit Squad drop into a tie for third.

Hit Squad co-captain Mark McPherson is trying to get Larry back in town for the Tournament in March. The Monsters are all for it, but how funny would it be if he did move mountains to return, only to have that day's games get rained out? The over/under on the level of Funny is currently "Very," so place your bets.

Larry Martin and Nuri Al-Maliki, beer league buddies.

Larry tried to teach softball to his Iraqi counterparts, but I'm not sure they got it. Here are Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Al-Maliki's Top Ten Softball Tips:

10. Split your softball team into three autonomous teams; kill each other.
9. Send your players to a softball training camp. When they return, kill them.
8. Send 10% of your roster to other teams, thus driving up their cost of living.
7. Buy a Mercedes for each of your players, then claim poverty and have the other teams pay your entry fee.
6. Replace 1st base with a land mine. If your base coach gets hurt, blame Iran.
5. When one of your players reaches 2nd base, issue a statement claiming victory is at hand.
4. When he's thrown out at 3rd, blame Syria.
3. Allow your fans to rush the field during the game and attack your opponent with bats. But to show you're really a good sport, allow each attacker to carry only one bat.
2. Claim your opponent's score is exaggerated because the scorekeeper cannot possibly know the reality of of how softball affects you.
1. If all else fails, blame Kurret al-Qaeda.

One Win, Two Win, Red Win, Blue Win...and 'Roid Rage

Where do they come from? I can't say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.
Dr. Seuss - One Fish Two Fish

4U2NV 24, Trojans 23 (7 Innings)

4U2NV celebrate their first win with some...fruit juice and granola.

What a fantastic game. When a handful of Bling Bling's players broke ranks and created the Trojans, with the rest of the Blingers regrouping to form 4U2NV, an instant rivalry was born.

It was a back-and-forth nailbiter, with Saif Barhoum's defectors holding on to a 21-18 lead going into the bottom of the 6th inning. Team Envy would not be denied, though, and they rallied to tie the game and force that extra inning.

As they had all game, the Trojans rose to the occasion behind the bats of Laith Masri and Laith Barhoum, re-taking the lead, 23-21, before giving Envy their at-bats. All week, the Gheereh bunch emphasized patience and plate discipline. That strategy paid off with walk after walk, including captain Neal Zureikat being forced home with the winning run on Ball Four.

Kevin Rowlson filled in for absent Envy pitcher King Khaled. The Trojans were good sports about it. But then Kevin got hurt, and Santa/Freak Shukri Saleh stepped in. The Trojans protested, offering to allow Shuk to pitch, but not bat. All or nothing were the choices they were given, and being good sports, they went with all. But as co-captain Laith Barhoum said, "One player shouldn't have made the difference."

And it wasn't just that one player. 4U2NV's women, Tamara Goudian with her stellar outfield defense, and Suzy Sawalha and Maha Swais with their disciplined bats, all played great games. For their part, the Trojans have one of the best female players in the league in Wajiha Husseini.

During the post-game celebration, 4U2NV's co-captain Jawad Dabbas delivered a clasic line at the expense of his fallen foes: "The Trojans are so ineffective, they should change their name to the Morning After Pills."

It could have been worse, though, as the Trojans could have gone with a different brand:


Given the options, I'd say Trojans were the right choice.

Nomads 18, Slackers 15

This would have been the space where details of the game were provided, but there is some disturbing news breaking right now. Shukri Saleh, last season's Home Run Champ (and ASL's career HR leader), has been included in a special addendum to the Mitchell Report.

When reached for comment, Shukri denied the allegations and challenged the accusers to test him. "They just want to take down the champ," said a defiant Shuk. "Test me. I'll give blood samples, hair, poop, whatever you want."

So confident of his skills, Shukri offered to swing a wooden bat from now on--while in handcuffs.

In the most damning part of the report, Shuk's former personal trainer, Manfookh Abu Adallat, is quoted as saying, "If one of his teammates sniffed Shukri's armpits, that player would fail a steroids test. That's how 'roided up he is."

Speaking of Shuk's teammates, was that 'Roid Rage by Nomads captain Omar Massarweh after he was called out at 3rd base against the Slackers? Omar could not be reached for comment, but a source close to him opined that it was not very likely.

"I wish Omar were on steroids," said the source, on condition of anonymity. "When he goes to a healthy restaurant, he dips the lettuce in mayonnaise. I doubt he's juicing."

When a third Nomad was linked to steroids, he seemed at first to confess. The player, who will not be mentioned because he was exonerated by a proctologist, was asked if we was "on the 'roids."

"Aywa, mazboot," he replied. "Walla hal bawaseer gatlatni."

Week Two Preview: Old Friends Meet Again

It's Rivalry Week, kids. Three games, three opportunities for absolute mayhem. 10:00 AM - Green Monsters @ Hit Squad (Umps: Slackers) The two teams share a common ancestor in 2005's Intruders. Renamed the Green Monsters the following summer, several of the current players from both these teams won that season's championship together. The next season, the Monsters essentially split into three teams: the Beats, along with the Sluggos--who lost the championship game to (you guessed it) the Green Monsters. The Sluggos and Beats are in the arms of History now, with Hit Squad being the latest team to try to knock off their distant Green cousins. We hear that ringers are being flown in from all corners of the globe. It'll be intense, for sure. 11:30 AM - Slackers @ Nomads (Umps: 4U2NV) The Jordan Derby pits Amman Softball League's two best teams with all-local roots--and easily the highest collective blood pressure in any game you'll see this season. The first game between these impassioned rivals was tight until the Slackers lost control of their emotions and gave the game away. But the Slackers have to be wondering if the Nomads have looked past this game. With all the trash talking going on between the 'Mads and a team they're not even playing this week, have the Bedouins already chalked this one up as a win? 1:00 PM - Trojans @ 4U2NV (Umps: Hit Squad) Of all the possible scenarios going into this season, I don't think anyone could have predicted that Bling Bling would split into two teams. But they did, and there is now some bad blood between the Trojans and 4U2NV. Trojans captain Saif Barhoum, himself a Blingvet, hand-picked a few former teammates and, along with brother and team screamer Laith, put together a new team. This left the other Blingers sad and homeless. That is, until Neal Zureikat put together 4U2NV, a team with great potential and women who can seriously play the game. And now they're all trying to burst the Trojans bubble.

SlogsCenter Epic: Nomads-Traitors

I wouldn't leave y'all hangin'--now that the offending parties have vowed to change their ways. Here's the extended version of SlogsCenter, and it's all about the Nomads and Traitors. Even if you're not a fan of either team, you should check out the clip. Lots of great defense. Congrats to the Traitors on a great win. I have a feeling they may run into the Nomads again soon. Special thanks to Melissa Manning for the terrific pics and Maher "Zambrano" Abu-Arja for crawling out of bed to shoot some video. Enjoy.

To enhance your viewing experience, let the clip load all the way before watching. You'll enjoy the soundtrack more.

Hey, I've lost my stutter. It's gone. I can speak.

Revenge!
- K-k-k-Ken

Beat the beats, the beats you beat
The only thing harder's the smell of my feet
- “I’m The Man” by Anthrax

Revenge is a dish best served after it simmers for 119 days.

Everything went the Slackers’ way on Friday, as they avenged last season’s collapse against the Beats. As promised, they didn’t kill themselves by issuing walks and didn’t kill each other by…well, not killing each other.

Laughing off the Traitors' lame attempts at using orange in their uniforms, the Slackers unveiled their new threads with style--and a new commitment to teamwork and a mostly chilled out attitude. The Beats showed up in their Goodwill best, having threatened Winner's with a surgical airstrike after botching their uniforms order. (I'd stay away from the Jabr Complex if I were you.)

Speedy Daniel Rubenstein scores in the 1st inning for the Beats.

This was a tight game early on, 7-4 in favor of the Slackers after three innings. But a scoreless top-half of the 4th for the Beats, followed by a ten-run Slackers outburst in the home half, effectively put the game out of reach.

And they looked good doing it: Slackers tolerant after win.

The women of the Slackers kept rallies going on offense, as is their habit, and played effective defense. On the other side, Gunny Diaz continued to make his case for League MVP, driving in teammates Todd Cyril and Rofelio Grinston with his sixth-inning triple. (In case you hadn't noticed, that's our video highlight of the week. Much more of that going forward.)

Beats capitana Marikay Satryano is tired of losing, but she kept it all in perspective by reminding herself that this is all being done for a great cause. Will shaking up her lineup cure her on-field blues?

The next meeting between the Beats and Slackers will be on July 13th at noon. Next week, the Slackers drop in on the Stars, and the Beats say hello to the Eagles.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you…The Beats @ Slackers

10:30 AM (85F/29C)
Umps: Stars

It’s History Week here at Amman Softball League. I’m here to tell you about the game known as “The Miracle On Sand Part II, Miracle Sandier.” My personal recollections of most of that game are vague, as I was busy umping it. (And everyone knows I don’t pay attention to the game when I ump.)

The last time the Slackers and Beats played against each other, it was the penultimate week of the 2007 Winter regular season, March 2, 2007. The Beats were short a couple of key players, including their captain, Marikay Satryano, who was selfishly off saving some baby’s life. (What’s with these do-gooders?)

The Slackers, on the other hand, were all present and cruising to a second-place finish, aiming to peak at the right time for the tournament. They did peak...

To a 24-8 lead after four innings of a six-inning game. Those were the happiest four innings of the Slackers' ASL careers. Everything was going their way, from diving catches to stellar pitching to one hit after another on offense. This effort was kept going at key moments by the women on the team, Tania & Dana Jordan, Nada Samawi, and Abeer Kayali. They raked.

Miracle On Sand II: Rocky Abushaar keeps a close eye on brother Laith's at-bat.

Were the Beats demoralized, you ask? There was some anger, sure. But they never stopped playing and smiled often at their misfortune. Karma would later reward them with a friendly, two-inning visit.

The Slackers, the visiting team, were shut out in the top of the 5th. The Beats then followed up on their tight defense with eight runs of their own. It was less muscle and more patience that got the Beats turned around. After four innings of superb pitching, the Slackers’ Karim Barghouti Laith Abushaar just couldn’t find the plate. One walk followed another and another, with the occasional power shot by Mark McPherson and Dwaine Chide. Finally, the third out came.

And then the third out came again, but this time for the Slackers in the top of the 6th. They were barely up before they went down. Still, they were ahead, 24-16, with just a half-inning to go in the game.

Marikay Satryano and Greg Ambrosio, at the Winter Tourney.

Watching the Beats circle the bases in never-ending flashes of blue streaked with red, combined with the hot, orange gesticulations of the Slackers, was like watching a Merry-Go-Round on an acid trip. It was surreal. It was beautiful. It was tied at 24 with two outs.

When yet another issued walk pushed the speedy Chris Byrd to second, Mark came up to bat with the winning run (how did we get here?) in scoring position. Ash Samawi, the Slackers’ captain, had had enough. He pulled Karim Laith and inserted himself as the pitcher, for this was no ordinary batter at the plate.

Mark is a large man. He is athletic and intimidating. He is able to change a game with his bat or with his glove. He was the MVP of the Beats.

He was also the wrong batter, according to the lineup. Too flustered to notice, Ash began to pitch around Mark, finding a loophole in the “only one intentional walk” rule as easily as a nose can find body odor in a Left Bank cafe'. But France is only stinky; lawyering yourself an edge in sports is downright poopy.

The count got to 3-1 before the Slackers’ scorekeeper noticed the batting order was wrong. She brought it to the attention of the ump (me, remember?) who, by rule, declared that the correct batter must assume the count; the game-ending out could not be called unless the mistake was brought up immediately after the at-bat was completed. The rule was explained to all and Ash put the icing on the mistake by promptly tossing ball four to the correct batter. Oops.

Bases loaded, two outs. 24-24, and back on the right batting order. Who was digging his feet into the deep hole that was now the batter’s box? Mark. With Chris at third and all kinds of ducks quacking behind him, Ash had no choice but to throw strikes.

Mark had no choice but to deposit one of them over the left-field wall. One duck, two duck, three duck, four. Walk-Off Grand Slam. Karma leans back and smiles.

Marikay received the frantic updates from her team on their amazing win as she got the news that the baby she was trying to save would be able to have heart surgery, and that he would live. And the Beats go on...

Of all these friends and lovers: Sluggos @ Traitors

Noon (88F/31C)
Umps: Mude & Gary

When the Sluggos look at the Traitors’ Gatorade-inspired uniforms, all they see are the miniscule green details. If you’re new to the league, here’s a history lesson:

In the Winter 2007 Amman Softball League season, there were the Green Monsters and then there were all the other teams. The Monsters steamrolled through the regular season and, after a first-round playoff win against the Beats, into the championship game. Through those nine games, the juggernaut never trailed after a full inning of play. Scores like 29-4, 28-3, 43-5 were as prevalent as the odor of diesel in Abdali.

All smiles before the championship game.

But then came the Sluggos. As the #3 seed, they quickly dispatched the Slackers to set up a showdown with the Monsters, wanting desperately to avenge their two regular-season losses. It looked like the same old story when the undefeated Greenies took a 10-2 lead into the 5th inning. Six more outs, and they could celebrate what had by then seemed to be their birthright.

The Sluggos were having none of it. In the top of the 5th, they scored eight runs, most of them with two outs, fueled by Lori Doutrich and Chris Hattayer’s clutch hitting. Suddenly, the game was tied. The Monsters’ dugout was tense, not having experienced such a feeling since the infamous Miracle On Sand (Part I) game the previous summer. Sluggos co-captain Orrince called it the “Pucker Factor.”

“Let’s put up ten runs and put these guys to bed,” urged someone (or was it everyone?) from the Green Monsters, referring to their turn to bat in the bottom of the 5th. The Sluggos, however, had other ideas, holding ASL’s highest-ever scoring team to just three more runs, and an improbably few 13 through five innings. On average, that total is what the Monsters had scored every five outs. The Sluggos' stifling of their rivals was due to pitcher Bill Steinkampf’s uncanny placement and the prescient positioning of his solid defense.

The Sluggos scored two runs in the top of the 6th and final inning. There was one out, and co-captain YAM stood at third, representing the tying run. Monsters’ pitcher Kevin Rowlson looked to his dugout, holding up one finger, an inquisitive look on his strained face. He wanted to know if they still had the lead, and if it was one run. He looked confident as he delivered the next pitch. Deep fly ball, caught, the tag-up, the throw—not in time. Safe at home! The game was tied.

13-13, bottom of the 6th inning, with the Monsters batting from the top of their order. Kevin Vienneau, normally an on-base machine, popped out to shallow center. The Sluggos were bursting with confidence, and rightly so. Brooke Sartawi (disclosure: my wife; I was the co-captain/coach) patiently drew the one-out walk. Mike Moore, a home run machine, worked a full count and smacked the next pitch to left-center for a double. Brooke, representing the winning run, was held up at third. There was no need to panic, because Bruce Neese, arguably the greatest hitter in ASL’s brief history, was due up.

This was a no-brainer. With first base open, Bill intentionally walked Bruce to set up the double-play—and extra innings. Jeff Coupe, who wore “8” on the back of his jersey to honor Carl Yastrzemski, walked to the plate. Was Yaz’s 1967 Triple Crown season going through his head as he dug in for his turn to be the hero?

Bill’s 2-1 pitch was well short of the plate, but Jeff did not want to even come close to forcing in the championship-winning run on a walk. That’s not how sluggers do it. That’s not how Yaz would have done it, at least not in a baseball fan’s boyhood dreams. So Jeff lunged forward and down for the ball, hitting it off the end of his bat, over the pitcher’s head, out of reach of the second-baseman and towards YAM, in short center.

It was too high for her to reach, too. The ball landed in shallow center field. Brooke jogged home and kept her foot on the plate for an extra second or two, feeling bittersweet that it was all over. Ballgame. Championship. Season.

Kevin, Jeff, Brooke and Eiad Zoubi are former Green Monsters who now wear the white and orange of the Traitors. You may barely notice the green on those jerseys, but the Sluggos know it’s there.

Jeff Coupe and Bruce Neese, with the trophy.

So that’s what kissing your sister is like…

Brother killing brother for the profit of another
Game point: Nobody wins
- “Empire” by Queensryche

Cain kills Abel

One step. That was the difference. One more step, and Laith Abushaar would have scored the winning run. As it happened, though, he was thrown out on a perfect relay and tag at home. So the Slackers and Sluggos tied, 25-25, after 8 grueling innings of playing in near-100-degree weather.

We won’t harp on the “Slack on Slack violence” that seems to plague the Burtuqalis, but it is worth mentioning. The step that Laith needed wasn’t lost because he was slow, or tripped, or ran out of gas. It was his hesitation, for just a second, that cost his team the game. Slackers’ 3rd base coach Walid Abu Hassan was sending him all the way. But the runner hesitated because his entire dugout disagreed with Walid—vocally. Laith heard the screams, stutter-stepped, then went for it.

Had his team kept quiet and let the coach do his thing, the Slackers would still be celebrating a rousing victory. They came back from 8 runs down in the bottom of the 6th to force extra innings, then held the Sluggos scoreless for two innings. Not easy to do. Some may hold the winning run at 3rd with only one out, but the way that game was going, I would have sent Laith home, too.

Update, 7:38 PM: I'm really upset about this whole tie thing. Just look at the standings, in the upper-right of the main page. No symmetry. How is an artiste supposed to abide? You have nice, neat columns everywhere else, and then BOOM, like a big, boiling, oozing zit on a pretty girl's face: this result ruins it all.

Summertime, and the livin's queasy

Super Ultra Doppler Radar (or as it's pronounced here, Soober Ultera Dohblar Ruhdaar) is predicting some serious heat. The high temperature on Friday will be 95. That's Fahrenheit, not Celsius. If it were Celsius, it would be a record or something. Anyway, hydrate, people.

That's the weather prediction. My prediction? Pain.


Break it down for us, Uncle Mude.

It will be my pleasure. I live to serve all who play with big, yellow balls...

9:00 AM (Game Time Temp 78/26):
Nomads @ Stars
(Umps: Beats)

Both teams are coming off quality wins. Will the combination of the Stars' all-yellow shirts and that hot morning sun doom the Nomads, or will the Wandering Softballers send Abu Mitchell Al-Zarqawi's cell home with a loss?

10:30 AM (82/29):
Beats @ Traitors
(Umps: Eagles)

Speakin' about animosity, how will Brooke & Kevin fare against their old teammates who are now Beats? Marikay, Daniel, et al, it's time for some revenge, no? (43-5?) The good news is, the DCM won't have to fire anyone this week, although citizenships may be revoked.

Noon (87/31):
Bling Bling @ Eagles
(Umps: Sluggos)

The Blingity Blingsters held their own against the Stars last week, but the Eagles are a different beast. Still, those black shirts the Eagles wear may absorb just enough heat to give the Blingtastical Blinginators a fighting chance. (Note: A male is a Blinginator, a female is a Blinginatrix.)

3:00 PM (93/34):
Sluggos @ Slackers
(Umps: Bling Bling)

Will Orrince make it back in time to take the field with the Sluggos, and if he does, will his momentum carry him, shoulder first, into a defenseless woman? I kid Orrince because I know plenty of places in which to hide from him. But more importantly, will the Slackers behave?

REMINDER: Take some game pics & email them to AmmanSoftball@gmail.com