Craziest Day In ASL History

WARNING: Some of this post is Adult Swim. To the easily offended, please go away.

Maher Abu Arja gave it his all.

Such a grand post title, but the men & women of this league sure as heck justified it on Friday, July 11, 2008. This marvelous day deserves a record-breaking entry.

All three games featured last-inning comebacks. That's never happened before. Even more remarkable was that in all three games, it was the visiting team which came back and won. Roll film...

JoSox 24, Nomads 14
(Disclosure: I am the captain of the JoSox.)

Wait, Uncle Mude. That doesn't look like a close game! I never said "close games" -- I said "comebacks." But this game was close early, with the JoSox clinging to a 6-5 lead heading into the bottom of the 4th. That's when the Nomads flexed some desert muscle and piled up nine runs. Nine of the ten-strong bedouin batters reached base in the frame, with brand-new papa Eiad Zoubi doing so twice. The Green Sox of Jordan could only respond with two runs, but held the 'Mads scoreless in the bottom of the 5th. 14-8, Nomads lead, after five.

And that was when the hammer remembered it was the hammer, and the nail remembered it was the nail. Working from the top of the order in their 6th and final inning, the first nine JoSox batters reached base, then the first out came, then it was back to the bases-loaded carousel, with the next four hitters reaching base. During that run, the JoSox hit just two doubles. Aside from two walks, the rest were all singles. JoSox were suddenly up 16-14, and the bases were loaded. Bleed them to death.

Now, you may have missed all the give, the give back, and give some more going on in the days leading up to this game. Let's just say this game meant a lot to JoSox Shukri Saleh and friend-turned-adversary-but-still-friend, Nomad Omar Massarweh. I mentioned the bases were loaded, right? Did I mention Shukri was up to bat?

As two-time ASL home run champ, Shuk may have the reputation as a brash, me-first guy. Not true. He is extremely coachable and a good teammate. He always asks for the "green light" to swing for the fences, and hasn't made it a habit, either on the Sox or when he was a Green Monster, to do so on his own. On his way to his final at-bat against the Nomads, the following exchange took place:

Shuk: "Hey, Mude. Should I go?"
Mude: "Wouldn't be a bad idea."
Shuk: "Brooke, feel like running?"
Brooke, on 3rd base, simply smiles.

16-14 JoSox, bases loaded, 18 km/h wind blowing in from left field. Shukri Saleh channeled the frustrations of the previous two seasons into the rarest gem of this magnificent game: the easy power of a perfect swing. The ball kissed off the bat toward left field at a an arc low enough for the fielders below to be mocked by its travel plans. Like a beautiful girl from a poor, third-world family getting a visa to some far-off, exotic land of opportunity, the ball whistled its way over the heads of the shell-shocked Nomads, as if to say, "I'm getting the hell out of here, and you can't do a damn thing about it."

Grand Slam. Against his old team. And he called it.

There was no fight left in the Nomads. Their home half of the 6th was marked by the seductive comfort of knowing one's place in the world: Nail, meet Hammer.

Notes: JoSox Ali Lejlic and Ash Samawi each went 5-for-5 in the game. Brooke Sartawi is the lucky charm, having never lost to the Nomads. Khaled Rihani of the Nomads went 4-for-4 with 3 runs. Nomads pitcher Saad Kurdi faced 54 batters and walked only 4 (and hit 3-for-4 in the game).

JoSox 12, Bezzig & Lezzig 6

This game started as the evil twin of last season's 4U2NV shocker over the Green Monsters. With the scions of those teams facing off, and with the B & L crew spitting & sticking their way to an early 6-0 lead, it was all just a little bit of history repeating.

But the Green Monsters were most likely drunk that leap day, as usual, and the JoSox had a couple of 4U2NV's secret weapons on their side in starting pitcher Neal Zureikat, who held the Jury-Riggers scoreless after the six-run outburst, and in catcher Maha Swais, who was perfect at the plate and scored the winning run.

You know what? To Jahannam with all that. Let's talk about Maher Abu Arja. Pitching against the two guys who tied for the Home Run Crown last season, Maher allowed Javier "Gunny" Diaz and Shukri Saleh only a single apiece in a combined six plate appearances. Batting in front of those two? The guy who tied for second in the homer race, Ash Samawi. Facing those odds, Maher allowed only six runs on his watch to the JoSox. That's a guy with beidat the size of Saturn right there.

A little background on Young Maher. When he first joined ASL a couple of seasons ago, Maher didn't know how to hold a bat, let alone swing it. His plate appearances were easy comedy, the softball equivalent of "That's what she said" jokes. After striking out a few times on swings that could best be described as Alfonso Soriano getting hit by the short bus, he took a liking to striking out looking. Saved time. On defense, however, his game could best be described by imagining a near-sighted virgin on a prom date with Jenna Jameson. "The equipment before me looks to be of a professional grade," Maher would think to himself, "but I'm not sure what to do with it." A lot of jumping and diving into the wrong places ensued.

Here's the thing, though: Maher loves baseball. He loves to watch the game and track its stats. And he desperately wants to be good at it. So he watches MLB games, many with 2 AM local start times, savoring every nuance of the sport. He downloads videos on batting techniques. He picks the brains of the more experienced players in ASL. And he practices with the devotion of a chanting monk. And it's all paying off, not just with his pitching, which is the rarest of talents in our league, but with his hitting as well. He went 3-for-3 in this game, including his first ever double, and he scored 33% of his team's runs.

On his third at-bat, Maher didn't hit the ball well, and he knew it. So he charged to first base to try to beat the throw, hurling himself at the bag in reckless desperation. He was safe by a hair, but then came the awful scream. Slamming his knee against the hard ground during the dive--and tearing off a chunk of skin--he held onto the base, lest he be tagged out (his head was still in the game), and asked for a time out. Unable to run, Maher was subbed for by a courtesy runner, and he limped off the field in obvious and severe pain.

Then he came back in and pitched to three batters in the next inning. I told you about the Saturn beidat. No joke. That was the gutsiest thing I've seen in our six seasons. No longer able to withstand the pain and not wanting to hurt his team with his immobility, Maher grudgingly left the game, still tied at six. The loss which followed was nobody's fault, but his injury is much more severe than we all feared. And for that, the Softball Gods are to blame. Give us back one of the truly good guys, you feckless overseers of the game. Damnit.

Get well soon, Maher.

Notes: Jeff Coupe went 4-for-4 during the game, which fell on his 49th 27th birthday. Happy Brithday, Coupe, and how'd that job interview go? Also, B & L's George Seagle is a helluva ballplayer. Tamy "Stitch" Goudian probably has the best set of batter's eyes in this league. Nobody lets the junk pitches go better than she does.

Slackers 14, Trojans 13

Some levity is needed, no? This game provided it. From the opening bell, your Slogger-in-Chief knew it was going to be a long day. It started off with a new Trojans player (Note: Can we agree to call all new Trojans "rubberlings"?) objected to nearly every call made by the ump (Follow-up Note: Me). Well, not every call. Just the ones that went against his team. Seems fair enough. The essence of his game-long position was this: Players who are obviously "out" should not be called out; they should be issued a warning instead. Hmmm...

Popped up into the waiting glove of an infielder? Give it another try, sport.

Missed home plate while trying to score? Go back and do it again, kiddo.

Struck out? Shucks, here's a warning for now, and the next strike will be the real strike three.

OK, strike four doesn't count, either. But strike five is the really real strike three.

I'm not bitter. Only amused. Making your point by arguing that this is not the World Series, yet arguing every play like it is the damned World Series, simply negates your point. You can look that up in one of those logic charts, I think. Anyway, there are no Mulligans in baseball & softball. Actually, there are a couple. They're called balls and strikes. Those are your warnings. But Rubberlings are awfully cute at that age, aren't they?

(Trivia: What is less than six pages long and carries the title "Amman Softball League: 2008 Rules" on its front page? Wait, did I just give away the answer?)

Now for the fun part. Here are some actual exchanges that occurred between the Slackers:

A player in the Slackers dugout was heckling his teammate during his at-bat. The batter asked for time, stepped out of the box, and told the heckler (his teammate) to "consume feces." This is now known as the "Kol Khara Timeout."

Karim Barghouti, one of the very few sane and rational Slackers, finally reached his breaking point. While on the mound and getting yelled at by one of his outfielders, Karim stepped off the rubber and loudly instructed the offending OFer to carefully place the part of his body which first tastes food into the part of Karim's body which excretes digested food. Then he stepped back on the rubber and threw a strike. This is now known as the "Human Bidet Challenge."

And an oldie but goodie:

Slacker 1 to Slacker 2: "I make reference to your maternal parent's reproductive area!"
Slacker 2 to Slacker 1: "I make reference to your maternal parent's reprodcutive area, you canine!"
Umpire to Slacker 3: "If someone said that to me, I'd kill him."
Slacker 3 to Umpire: "It's OK. They're brothers."

This is now known as the "Kaf Alef Brotherhood"

You can't make this stuff up. Back to the game with a recap: The Trojans were up 8-6 heading into the 6th inning. The visiting Slackers scored three to take a one-run lead, only to allow the Prophos the tying run in the bottom half. Extra inning. Yay. At least it was really hot and dusty out there.

The Slackers settled down in the 7th and put up five more runs. When the Trojans came up for their last shot at the game, they showed some serious heart by loading the bases and quickly bringing in a run. Bases still loaded for Jeff Sillin, who hit a towering Grand Slam against the Nomads in last season's tournament. Ball smoked to deep center. And around they go. One run, two runs, three runs score. The Slackers' lead was down to one, with Muscle Man Bashmaster Saif Barhoum up next and the tying run in the form of Jeff on third--wait, not on third, but rounding third!

The relay throw comes in just to the first-base side of home plate. Karim's in position. He fields it off the ground and dives across the plate to meet the speedy and sliding Jeff. The umpire's eight inches away as their bodies collide.

Out at home. Clean play.

And in the on-deck circle, Saif stood with the bat on his shoulder. Next time.