Scores: Updated & Corrected

The weather has mangled the schedule. More to come on that later this week. Here are the results from the most recent games, including one makeup game...

Tuesday, Feb. 15 (Makeup of a Feb 11 game):
Rick's Stablemates 14
NFS 1

Friday, Feb 18 (Week 4):
Green Monsters 4
Rick's Stablemates 17

NFS 22
Green Monsters 15

Slackers 6
GoodFellas 19

Your current standings are in the top of the sidebar. Stay tuned for scheduling info.

Winter 2011 Season Schedule

Updated to include umping assignments. (And ELE is now Rick's Stablemates.)

January 28th 2011
10:00 Rick's Stablemates @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Slacker)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 Monster)

February 4th 2011
10:00 Slackers @ Rick's Stablemates (Umps: 1 Monster, 1 GoodFella)
11:30 Green Monsters @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Slacker, 1 Stablemate)

February 11th 2011
10:00 Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Stablemate)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Rick's Stablemates (Umps: 1 Slacker, 1 Monster)

February 18th 2011
10:00 Green Monsters @ Rick's Stablemates (Umps: 1 Slacker, 1 GoodFella)
11:30 Slackers @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Monster, 1 Stablemate)

February 25th 2011
10:00 Rick's Stablemates @ Slackers (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Monster)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 Slacker)

March 4th 2011
10:00 Green Monsters @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 GoodFella)
11:30 Rick's Stablemates @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Monster, 1 Slacker)

March 11th 2011
10:00 Rick's Stablemates @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Slacker)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 Monster)

March 18th 2011 Beginning at 10:00 AM: TOURNAMENT
Format (as always): #4 Seed @ #1 Seed & #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
The winners advance to the championship game, with the higher seed home

Eagerly Losing Everything

Hey, you degenerates!

Greetings from Ohio, home of $15 cases of beer and the sexy bodies that drink them. In a related item: How many 250-pound women can you fit into a size small halter top? Every damn one of them, apparently. Also a related item: They're f&*#ing called SKINNY jeans, you fat f&*%ing f&#ks.

I really need to go on a crash diet. I already feel myself verging. We don't want to verge, people. Never, ever verge.

I believe there's something of a softball season going on out there, yes? How's that working out for all y'all? Shut up. Don't answer that. I will tell YOU how it's working out...

Around The Horn's magic number is 1, meaning either one more win by them or one more loss by the Embassy, and they clinch the Tournament's top seed. Around The Horn's next game just happens to be against the winless and forfeit-happy ELE. Vegas is refusing to make odds.

For the Embassy to get the top seed, they need to win all three of their remaining games and have Around The Horn lose both of their remaining games. So it realistically looks like a three-way race for the second seed, because...

The Slackers & GoodFellas have been eliminated from the race for the top seed, but they both are alive for #2. All of this will work itself out, most likely by the end of this Friday's games, as the Embassy is taking on both GoodFellas and the Slackers.

ELE is locked in at #5 for the Tourney. That's 11 games and zero wins over the span of (almost) two seasons for the Sponsored Ones. Drink up, kids. My next case of $15 beer shall be guzzled in your honor.

IMPORTANT: Updated-revised-typed-and-PDF'd Rules(!) & an up-to-date schedule/results table can now be downloaded in the Downloadables section of this blog. If you can't find the Downloadables section, please click here.

Here's what you'll be doing this Friday...

July 23:

9:00 AM: ELE @ Around the Horn (Umps: Embassy)
10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
NOON: Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

Enjoy it. Anyone want to chime in with early predictions? Anyone...?

PS: Declan started walking last week.

Scores & Schedule Update - Through Week 5

Kevin Rowlson is back in the HKJ to get all you degenerates in line. He is Acting Commish. Call him Boss.

Here's your complete results & schedule update. The current standings are at the top of the green sidebar, on the right of this page. Take small bites & chew thoroughly...

June 18:

Embassy 9
Around The Horn 18

GoodFellas 8
Slackers 18

June 25:

Around The Horn (WIN)
ELE (FORFEIT)

Around The Horn 14
GoodFellas 11

Slackers 7
Embassy 8

July 2:

Around The Horn 11 (Kissed Own Sister)
Slackers 11 (Also Kissed Own Sister)
     (Final - Played 8 Innings)

ELE 8
Embassy 32

GoodFellas 26
ELE 8

July 9:

Embassy (FORFEIT)
GoodFellas (WIN)

Slackers 20
GoodFellas 14

ELE 6
Slackers 19

July 16:

Embassy (WIN)
ELE (FORFEIT)

GoodFellas 9
Around the Horn 25

Slackers 9
Around the Horn 15

July 23:

9:00 AM: ELE @ Around the Horn (Embassy)
10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
NOON: Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

July 30:

9:00 AM: ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
10:30 AM: Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
NOON: Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):

9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 Seed @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Seed
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home

Schedule - Rest O' The Way

Game times, as usual, are 9:00 AM, 10:30 AM & Noon.
(Umping assignments are in parentheses.)

July 16:
Embassy @ ELE (Around the Horn)
GoodFellas @ Around the Horn (ELE)
Slackers @ Around the Horn (GoodFellas)

July 23:
ELE @ Around the Horn (Embassy)
GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

July 30:
ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):
9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 Seed @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Seed
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home

Season 9, Episode 1 Results & Future Sked

June 18 (Week 1) Results:

US Embassy 9
Around The Horn 18

GoodFellas 8
Slackers 18

YOUR FUTURE...

Game 1 is at 9:00 AM, Game 2 at 10:30 AM, Game 3 at Noon(Umping Assignments in Parentheses)

June 25:
Around The Horn @ ELE (2 GoodFellas)
Around The Horn @ GoodFellas (1 Slacker + 1 ELE)
Slackers @ US Embassy (2 Around The Horn)

July 2:
Around The Horn @ Slackers (2 ELE)
ELE @ US Embassy (2 Around The Horn)
GoodFellas @ ELE (2 US Embassy)

July 9:
ELE @ Slackers (2 GoodFellas)
Slackers @ GoodFellas (2 ELE)
US Embassy @ GoodFellas (2 Slackers)

Questions from Week 1:

1. Overthrows that reach the fence beyond the dugouts (or go through the dugout or outfield fence openings) result in a timeout and runners are limited to ONE base from the last base they safely reached. If a runner is on his way to 2nd when the ball is overthrown, the runner gets 2nd only, not 3rd. And yes, the ball must reach the fence. If it stops anywhere in between, it's a live ball. (There's no way we can call time on a ball that's 3 feet from the foul line, and there's no natural barrier other thean the fence.) If the overthrow lands to the backstop side of the dugout doors, it is a live ball & runners can advance at will.

2. We nixed the punishment for missed umping assignments last season. I understand the Embassy guys took off without leaving an ump behind. The captains will discuss what to do about this, for all such instances & we'll try it for this season.

ASL Season Nine

Episode 1, Friday, June 18:

10:00 AM - Embassy @ Around the Horn
Umps: 1 Slacker & 1 GoodFella

11:30 AM - Slackers @ GoodFellas
Umps: 1 Embassy & 1 Around the Horn

Three to go...

Friday, March 5:
Noon: ELE La Calle @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 Monster)
1:30 PM: Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 ELE + 1 GoodFella)

Saturday, March 6:
Time TBD: Slackers @ GoodFellas (Umps: 2 Monsters)
*This is a makeup of a Feb. 26 game*

Friday, March 12:
Noon: Slackers @ ELE La Calle (Umps: 1 GoodFella + 1 Monster)
1:30 PM: GoodFellas @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 ELE)

Saturday, March 13:
Time TBD: Green Monsters @ ELE La Calle (Umps: TBD)
*This is a makeup of a Feb. 26 game*

Friday, March 19:
TOURNAMENT
11:15 AM: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
12:30 PM: #4 Seed @ #1 Seed
2:00 PM: Semis Winners (Higher Seed Home)

Nomads First To, Um, Clinch

The results from Week 8: Slackers 26 Camels 7 Nomads 7 Camels 20 Nomads 4 JoSox 24 Week 9's schedule... Friday, August 7: 9:00 AM Canardlys @ Nomads Umps: 3 JoSox 10:45 AM JoSox @ Slackers Umps: 3 Canardlys 12:30 PM Camels @ JoSox Umps: 3 Slackers (Filling for Nomads) Then it's the Tourney... Friday, August 14: 8:45 AM (Opening Round) #5 Nomads @ #4 Seed 10:30 AM (Semifinal 1) #3 Seed @ #2 Seed 12:15 PM (Semifinal 2) Winner of #5/#4 @ #1 Seed 2:15 PM (Championship) Semifinals winners play each other. The higher seed is the home team.

Change You Can Be Leavin'

As promised, changes have been made to the schedule for weeks 8 & 9. Also, effective immediately, the position of co-captain is eliminated. You can do whatever you like within your own teams, but for the purposes of communication with the commish and discussions with the umpires, the Captain and only the Captain is the Dude. This is an issue of maturity and experience in league business. Some of the co-captains are simply not cut out for it yet. Finally, the Comments Section of the Slogs would like to extend an official welcome to all the hypocrites, idiots, whiners and jackasses. Welcome. I could blacklist those morons or instantly delete every comment they make, good or bad. But then a small part of them would die, and it's not time for the murders I have planned. Not just yet. Keep shooting yourselves in the foot guys. And stay classy, as always. Then again, maybe I'll randomly delete some of their comments, just to mess with them. Yeah. That's it. Friday, July 24 (Week 7): Camels 8 Canardlys 16 JoSox 35 Canardlys 7 Nomads 7 Slackers 14 Friday, July 31 (Week 8): 9:00 AM Slackers @ Camels Umps: 3 Nomads Note: This is a six-inning game and will begin with the top of the 2nd. 10:45 AM Nomads @ Camels Umps: 3 JoSox 12:30 PM Nomads @ JoSox Umps: 3 Camels Friday, August 7 (Week 9): 9:00 AM Canardlys @ Nomads Umps: 3 JoSox 10:45 AM JoSox @ Slackers Umps: 3 Canardlys 12:30 PM Camels @ JoSox Umps: 3 Slackers (Filling for Nomads) Please note: Nothing in this post is up for debate, discussion, vote or poll.

Schedule Update

Friday, August 1: 10:00 AM: Bezzig & Lezzig @ Slackers 11:30 AM: Nomads @ Slackers (Jordan Cup Final) 1:00 PM: Trojans @ Nomads Since this is a bye for the JoSox, we will ump all the games. Friday, August 8: 10:00 AM: Slackers @ JoSox (Umped by B & L) 11:30 AM: Trojans @ JoSox (Umped by B & L) 1:00 PM: Nomads @ Bezzig & Lezzig (Umped by Trojans) The Tournament will be played on Friday, August 15, as scheduled. The All-Star Game will be played on Saturday, August 16. Important for everyone except Bezzig: The Nomads-Slackers game will not count in the standings. This is just an extra game to determine the winner of the Jordan Cup. It will, however, serve as the tiebreaker in case the two teams end up with the same record. If Trojans-Nomads need a tiebreaker, it will be played on Friday, August 8, at 2:30 PM. Any other tiebreaker(s) will be played on Saturday, August 9, if necessary. Note: The captains have had this info since Saturday, July 26. Here's where each team stands with two games to go: 1. Slackers (5-1): If they win their remaining games, they are the #1 Seed. They cannot finish below #3. 2. JoSox (4-2): Can finish from #1 to #4. 3. Trojans (3-3): Can finish from #2 to #4. 4. Nomads (3-3): Can finish from #1 to #4. 5. Bezzig & Lezzig (0-6): Locked into the #5 Seed. (Look at it this way: B&L is the first team to officially clinch a playoff spot.) Note: The order is based on current standings, through Week 5 (Games of July 25).

MONSTER SLAYERS!

4U2NV outshone the Monsters in all facets of the game: Offense, Defense, Heart.

Week 9's Games:

4U2NV 19, Green Monsters 8

Slackers 23, Hit Squad 8

Nomads 17, Trojans 15

Week 7's Games (Rainout Makeup):

Green Monsters 22, Nomads 6

Slackers 27, Trojans 18

Hit Squad 27, 4U2NV 13

Home Runs on the weekend of Feb. 29 & Mar. 1:

Saif Barhoum, Trojans (Grand Slam)
Gunny Diaz, Green Monsters

Zaki Ibrahim, Nomads

Mark McPherson, Hit Squad

Shukri Saleh, Nomads

Playoff Scenarios:

1. Green Monsters have clinched the #1 Seed for the Tourney.
2/3. The winner of Nomads @ Slackers on March 7 will be #2 Seed; loser is #3.
4/5. If 4U2NV & Hit Squad have the same result in their respective games on March 7 (both win or both lose), a tiebreaker game will be needed to determine the #4/#5 Seeds.
6. Trojans are locked into the #6 Seed.

Week 10, Regular Season Finale
Friday, March 7, 2008:

10:00 AM - 4U2NV @ Trojans (Umps: 2 Slackers)
11:30 AM - Nomads @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Monster + 1 Trojan)
1:00 PM - Hit Squad @ Green Monsters (Umps: 2 Nomads)
2:30 PM - Hit Squad/4U2NV Tiebreaker (If Necessary)

(We'll honor 4U2NV's accomplishment soon.)

Double Headers

With temps in the low-to-mid 60's this weekend and a week to make up, let's play two. Friday, Feb. 29 (Note the goofy start times): 9:30 AM: Hit Squad @ 4U2NV (Umps: Slackers)* 11:00 AM: Slackers @ Hit Squad (Umps: 4U2NV + Green Monsters) 12:30 PM: Green Monsters @ Nomads (Umps: Hit Squad)* 2:00 PM: 4U2NV @ Green Monsters (Umps: Nomads) Saturday, March 1: 10:00 AM: Trojans @ Slackers (Umps: Nomads)* 11:30 AM: Trojans @ Nomads (Umps: Slackers) * Week 7 makeup games.

Ketchup

Catching up on all the results from the last three game days... WEEK 8 (Feb. 22, 2008): Slackers 47, 4U2NV 7 Nomads 19, Hit Squad 8 Green Monsters 31, Trojans 16 WEEK 6 (Feb 8 & 9, 2008): Nomads 32, 4U2NV 14 Trojans 7, Hit Squad 1 Green Monsters 19, Slackers 15 WEEK 5 (Feb 8 & 9, 2008): Nomads 23, Trojans 20 Slackers 29, Hit Squad 28 Green Monsters 24, 4U2NV 9 Week 7 will be played as part of a Friday/Saturday double-header this weekend, along with Week 9's games. Your captains were given the details on when each team plays. The schedule will be updated and posted as soon as we sort out the umping assignments.

Shbotmahlorbot: Weeks 5 & 6 Preview

Before the previews, please heed this bit of advice: Stop cursing, yelling and arguing. It's been getting progressively worse, and I will personally take the blame for that. But from now on, the response from the League will be just as ugly as the acts of bad sportsmanship. -Mude It's time for some separation. After this weekend, each team will have played the other five teams at least once. All ties will be broken. And with two games each, now is the time to set the tone for the home stretch of the season. Who rules ASL?

If you want the full schedule, constantly updated to match the weather, go to the Downloadables section, below the Standings in the green column.

Friday, Feb. 8: 10:00 AM: 4U2NV @ Nomads (Umps: Trojans) The Nomads got a lot younger lately. Will they bring coloring books and crayons to keep their new members occupied? Envy look to avenge the loss they suffered the last time they went up against the 'Mads, but they'll have to do it without Jiries Azar, who starts a three-game suspension for starting a fight. Last meeting: Nomads 30, 4U2NV 2 (Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: The Youth prevail. Nomads by 6. 11:30 AM: Nomads @ Trojans (Umps: Hit Squad) The Trojans look to start a winning streak with some new players. If that happens, we're hearing rumblings that Nomads captain Omar Massarweh will have the "C" ripped off his chest by Zaki "Crank Yanker" Ibrahim, who pulled a first when he argued against a called strike by citing the very rule that made it a strike. Ziggy & Schwa say: What does that "C" stand for, Rofelio? Trojans by 1. 1:00 PM: Trojans @ Hit Squad (Umps: Nomads) A tough double-header for the kids from Troy, but we hear they have some "builders" coming in. Could the Trojan Horse's historical role get reversed and help them win? It all depends on which Hit Squad shows up -- the Hittin' one or the Sittin' one. Last meeting: Hit Squad 19, Trojans 14 (7 innings, Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: We smell an upset. Trojans by 2. Saturday, Feb. 9: 10:00 AM: Hit Squad @ Slackers (Umps: Green Monsters) Hit Squad is coming off a stirring comeback against the Nomads, while the Slackers just had home run hitter Yazan Barghouti suspended for one game for swinging his handbag at a player who who threw three punches from 40 centimeters away and didn't land any. Before you think there might be misbehavin' in this game, look who's umping. Ziggy & Schwa say: Curse once and we'll snack on your entrails. Hit Squad by 3. 11:30 AM: Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 4U2NV) A couple of teams fancy themselves the rivals of the Green Monsters, but there is no more heated derby than when the Green & Orange collide. Just ask Northern Ireland. Or Ash Samawi, who goes up against friends and family with "Ex-Slacker" across the back of his Monsters jersey. Even Ash's lovely wife, fellow ex-Slacker and current Monster Abeer Kayali, still hates the Green so much, she hasn't even shown up for a game yet. Fact: The last team (still playing) to have beaten the Monsters? Slackers, back in July, 2006. Last meeting: Green Monsters 33, Slackers 11 (Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: Over/Under on Walid Abu Hassan + Rocky Abu Shaar outbursts: 2. 1:00 PM: Green Monsters @ 4U2NV (Umps: Slackers) Research just in has confirmed that 4U2NV is the first ASL team to have a fancy design in the fabric of their team jerseys. I'm not saying it makes them look soft. I'm saying I envy it. Harar Mismar talked some smack about his Envy team taking the Monsters to the wood shed. Let's hope he and Hussam Arafah say some extra prayers this week. Ziggy & Schwa say: Dirty Water, baby. Green Monsters by 6.

Don't Look to Al Gore--Look to Al Ghor

The pre-dawn raid began at about 2:00 AM

AMMAN (Kurret Al-Qaeda Press Release) - This Friday's games are postponed due to a Zionist conspiracy which began in the Jordan Valley with supersecret Israeli flies infesting Jordan's peace-loving manure mounds and sinks to a new historical low with today's brazen snow attack.

The odd weather pattern seen in Jordan over the past few years can be explained not by scientific hypothesis and research, but by blaming our neighbors and leaving the rest in God's hands. I call on all my Arab and Muslim brothers and sisters to confront this assault on our innocence with heavy boots, strong shovels and long underwear. Gather your heaps and let us create the Mother of All Snowballs. Our day of retaliation is nigh!

Somehow, some way, you just know that the Americans are behind all this. Probably financing.

The attack intensified as daylight broke and the snowflakes could better see their targets

Update: The revised schedule is now in its own post (the next newest post after this one).

Schedule Change: Friday August 10

Friday, August 10: 9:00 AM: Traitors @ Slackers (Umps: Sluggos) 10:30 AM: Beats @ Sluggos (Umps: Slackers) Noon: Expats vs Jordan All-Star Game (Umps TBD) 1:30 PM: Eagles @ Nomads (Umps: Traitors) 3:00 PM: Bling Bling @ Stars (Umps: Eagles) Please have your team's umps show up. (Eagles, I'm lookin' at you.) Thanks!