Amman Softball League: Welcome To The Slogs

Scores: Updated & Corrected

2011-02-21T09:53:00.001+02:00

The weather has mangled the schedule. More to come on that later this week. Here are the results from the most recent games, including one makeup game...

Tuesday, Feb. 15 (Makeup of a Feb 11 game):
Rick's Stablemates 14
NFS 1

Friday, Feb 18 (Week 4):
Green Monsters 4
Rick's Stablemates 17

NFS 22
Green Monsters 15

Slackers 6
GoodFellas 19

Your current standings are in the top of the sidebar. Stay tuned for scheduling info.

New Team, Revised Schedule

2011-01-31T18:49:00.004+02:00

We've got a fifth team. That can only mean one thing: We need more beer.

Here's the revised schedule for the next round of games:

Friday, February 4, 2011:

9:30 Slackers @ Rick's Stablemates
Umps: 2 GoodFellas

11:00 Green Monsters @ GoodFellas
Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 Stablemate

12:30 NFS @ GoodFellas
Umps: 2 Monsters

STANDINGS:
                                  W L
1. Rick's Stablemates  1 0
1. Slackers                 1 0
3. NFS                      0 0
5. GoodFellas             0 1
5. Green Monsters      0 1

Winter '11 Week One Results

2011-01-30T18:21:00.000+02:00

Results from Friday, January 28:

Rick's Stablemates 24
Green Monsters 4

Goodfellas 11
Slackers 31

Note: Schedule will remain as-is due to the weather delaying the field upgrade.

Winter 2011 Season Schedule

2011-01-24T21:40:00.001+02:00

Updated to include umping assignments. (And ELE is now Rick's Stablemates.)

January 28th 2011
10:00 Rick's Stablemates @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Slacker)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 Monster)

February 4th 2011
10:00 Slackers @ Rick's Stablemates (Umps: 1 Monster, 1 GoodFella)
11:30 Green Monsters @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Slacker, 1 Stablemate)

February 11th 2011
10:00 Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Stablemate)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Rick's Stablemates (Umps: 1 Slacker, 1 Monster)

February 18th 2011
10:00 Green Monsters @ Rick's Stablemates (Umps: 1 Slacker, 1 GoodFella)
11:30 Slackers @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Monster, 1 Stablemate)

February 25th 2011
10:00 Rick's Stablemates @ Slackers (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Monster)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 Slacker)

March 4th 2011
10:00 Green Monsters @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 GoodFella)
11:30 Rick's Stablemates @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Monster, 1 Slacker)

March 11th 2011
10:00 Rick's Stablemates @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 GoodFella, 1 Slacker)
11:30 GoodFellas @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Stablemate, 1 Monster)

March 18th 2011 Beginning at 10:00 AM: TOURNAMENT
Format (as always): #4 Seed @ #1 Seed & #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
The winners advance to the championship game, with the higher seed home

Commissionary Position For A New Season

2011-01-16T22:14:00.001+02:00

Remeber the guy in red (and sometimes orange) who flops around center field, diving for balls and getting a mouthful of rocks and sand every time?

Yeah, he's running the show now. Zaki Ibrahim is stepping up in my absence and will get the Winter 2011 season together for you degenerates.

The season will kick off with a scrimmage on January 21 (that's this Friday!), and the regular season will begin the following Friday, January 28.

Captains have been contacted, but you can still join. You can reach Zaki directly, whether you want to put together a team, or just join as an individual. His info is below...

Updated Tourney Sked

2010-08-02T23:11:00.002+03:00

Has anyone actually buried the Corpse of Jeff Sillin? Or does it yet roam? Here's the thing: ELE has never won a game. Not one. 0-14 over two seasons. But we don't care. All you have to do is show up and your team will always have a shot in the Tourney. But when you stop showing up, don't let anyone know, then vanish...

You get voted out of the Tourney.

Here's the updated Tournament schedule...

FRIDAY AUG. 6:

9:30 AM - Embassy (4) @ Around The Horn (1)
Umped by Kevin + 1 GoodFella + 1 Slacker

11:00 AM - GoodFellas (3) @ Slackers (2)
Umped by 2 from Embassy + 1 from Around The Horn

12:30 PM - Winners play, higher seed home
Umped by Kevin + 1 from each of the other (losing) teams

Regular Season Ends

2010-07-30T22:41:00.000+03:00

ELE (Forfeit)
GoodFellas

Slackers
ELE (Forfeit)

Around The Horn 10
Embassy 6

The official Tournament schedule will be posted soon.

Note: If you're not going to field a team on a given day, please have the courtesy to let your opposing captain (and Kevin) know. Not asking for much more than very basic manners.

Results from July 23

2010-07-23T20:47:00.002+03:00

ELE 6
Around The Horn 13

GoodFellas 20
Embassy 11

Embassy 6
Slackers 20

Notes:

- Around The Horn have clinched the top overall seed for the Tourney.
- The Slackers have clinched the #2 seed.
- The Embassy crew & GoodFellas have the same record at 3-4, but GoodFellas own the tiebreaker due to the head-to-head record (two games to none). The Embassy can still get the 3rd seed, but they have to beat Around The Horn next week and have GoodFellas lose to ELE. Any other result, and GoodFellas end up as the #3 seed.
- As mentioned before, ELE is locked in as the #5 seed.

Here's what's coming up...

July 30:

9:00 AM: ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
10:30 AM: Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
NOON: Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):

9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 ELE @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Slackers
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Around The Horn*
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home
*NOTE: #1 Seed can choose which Semis time slot to play.

Eagerly Losing Everything

2010-07-21T04:00:00.000+03:00

Hey, you degenerates!

Greetings from Ohio, home of $15 cases of beer and the sexy bodies that drink them. In a related item: How many 250-pound women can you fit into a size small halter top? Every damn one of them, apparently. Also a related item: They're f&*#ing called SKINNY jeans, you fat f&*%ing f&#ks.

I really need to go on a crash diet. I already feel myself verging. We don't want to verge, people. Never, ever verge.

I believe there's something of a softball season going on out there, yes? How's that working out for all y'all? Shut up. Don't answer that. I will tell YOU how it's working out...

Around The Horn's magic number is 1, meaning either one more win by them or one more loss by the Embassy, and they clinch the Tournament's top seed. Around The Horn's next game just happens to be against the winless and forfeit-happy ELE. Vegas is refusing to make odds.

For the Embassy to get the top seed, they need to win all three of their remaining games and have Around The Horn lose both of their remaining games. So it realistically looks like a three-way race for the second seed, because...

The Slackers & GoodFellas have been eliminated from the race for the top seed, but they both are alive for #2. All of this will work itself out, most likely by the end of this Friday's games, as the Embassy is taking on both GoodFellas and the Slackers.

ELE is locked in at #5 for the Tourney. That's 11 games and zero wins over the span of (almost) two seasons for the Sponsored Ones. Drink up, kids. My next case of $15 beer shall be guzzled in your honor.

IMPORTANT: Updated-revised-typed-and-PDF'd Rules(!) & an up-to-date schedule/results table can now be downloaded in the Downloadables section of this blog. If you can't find the Downloadables section, please click here.

Here's what you'll be doing this Friday...

July 23:

9:00 AM: ELE @ Around the Horn (Umps: Embassy)
10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
NOON: Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

Enjoy it. Anyone want to chime in with early predictions? Anyone...?

PS: Declan started walking last week.

Scores & Schedule Update - Through Week 5

2010-07-16T19:01:00.002+03:00

Kevin Rowlson is back in the HKJ to get all you degenerates in line. He is Acting Commish. Call him Boss.

Here's your complete results & schedule update. The current standings are at the top of the green sidebar, on the right of this page. Take small bites & chew thoroughly...

June 18:

Embassy 9
Around The Horn 18

GoodFellas 8
Slackers 18

June 25:

Around The Horn (WIN)
ELE (FORFEIT)

Around The Horn 14
GoodFellas 11

Slackers 7
Embassy 8

July 2:

Around The Horn 11 (Kissed Own Sister)
Slackers 11 (Also Kissed Own Sister)
(Final - Played 8 Innings)

ELE 8
Embassy 32

GoodFellas 26
ELE 8

July 9:

Embassy (FORFEIT)
GoodFellas (WIN)

Slackers 20
GoodFellas 14

ELE 6
Slackers 19

July 16:

Embassy (WIN)
ELE (FORFEIT)

GoodFellas 9
Around the Horn 25

Slackers 9
Around the Horn 15

July 23:

9:00 AM: ELE @ Around the Horn (Embassy)
10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
NOON: Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

July 30:

9:00 AM: ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
10:30 AM: Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
NOON: Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):

9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 Seed @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Seed
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home

Schedule - Rest O' The Way

2010-07-14T17:45:00.000+03:00

Game times, as usual, are 9:00 AM, 10:30 AM & Noon.
(Umping assignments are in parentheses.)

July 16:
Embassy @ ELE (Around the Horn)
GoodFellas @ Around the Horn (ELE)
Slackers @ Around the Horn (GoodFellas)

July 23:
ELE @ Around the Horn (Embassy)
GoodFellas @ Embassy (Around the Horn)
Embassy @ Slackers (GoodFellas)

July 30:
ELE @ GoodFellas (Slackers)
Slackers @ ELE (GoodFellas)
Around the Horn @ Embassy (ELE)

Tourney (Aug. 6):
9:00 AM PLAY-IN: #5 Seed @ #4 Seed
10:30 AM SEMI 1: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
NOON SEMI 2: #5/#4 Winner @ #1 Seed
1:30 PM FINAL: Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Home

REVISED July 9 Sked

2010-07-03T21:17:00.000+03:00

July 9:
9:00 AM - US Embassy @ GoodFellas (2 Slackers)
10:30 AM - Slackers @ GoodFellas (2 ELE)
Noon - ELE @ Slackers (2 GoodFellas)

Season 9, Episode 1 Results & Future Sked

2010-06-22T23:02:00.001+03:00

June 18 (Week 1) Results:

US Embassy 9
Around The Horn 18

GoodFellas 8
Slackers 18

YOUR FUTURE...

Game 1 is at 9:00 AM, Game 2 at 10:30 AM, Game 3 at Noon(Umping Assignments in Parentheses)

June 25:
Around The Horn @ ELE (2 GoodFellas)
Around The Horn @ GoodFellas (1 Slacker + 1 ELE)
Slackers @ US Embassy (2 Around The Horn)

July 2:
Around The Horn @ Slackers (2 ELE)
ELE @ US Embassy (2 Around The Horn)
GoodFellas @ ELE (2 US Embassy)

July 9:
ELE @ Slackers (2 GoodFellas)
Slackers @ GoodFellas (2 ELE)
US Embassy @ GoodFellas (2 Slackers)

Questions from Week 1:

1. Overthrows that reach the fence beyond the dugouts (or go through the dugout or outfield fence openings) result in a timeout and runners are limited to ONE base from the last base they safely reached. If a runner is on his way to 2nd when the ball is overthrown, the runner gets 2nd only, not 3rd. And yes, the ball must reach the fence. If it stops anywhere in between, it's a live ball. (There's no way we can call time on a ball that's 3 feet from the foul line, and there's no natural barrier other thean the fence.) If the overthrow lands to the backstop side of the dugout doors, it is a live ball & runners can advance at will.

2. We nixed the punishment for missed umping assignments last season. I understand the Embassy guys took off without leaving an ump behind. The captains will discuss what to do about this, for all such instances & we'll try it for this season.

ASL Season Nine

2010-06-16T13:41:00.000+03:00

Episode 1, Friday, June 18:

10:00 AM - Embassy @ Around the Horn
Umps: 1 Slacker & 1 GoodFella

11:30 AM - Slackers @ GoodFellas
Umps: 1 Embassy & 1 Around the Horn

Draft! (Not Just Beer): It's Green Again

2010-03-20T10:43:00.000+02:00

Winter 2010 Tournament Results...

Semis Game 1:

Slackers 13
GoodFellas 9

Semis Game 2:

ELE La Calle 4
Green Monsters 18

Championship:

Slackers 10
Green Monsters 23

Tourney Time

2010-03-18T10:25:00.000+02:00

The Winter 2010 Tournament is here.
Or shall we call it ASL Cup VIII, just to be pretentious?

Friday, March 19th:

11:30 AM - Slackers @ GoodFellas (Umps: 2 ELE + 1 Monster)
12:45 PM - ELE La Calle @ Green Monsters (Umps: 3 Slackers)
2:15 PM - Winners of Semis, with higher seed home (Umps: TBD)

Almost There

2010-03-12T18:49:00.000+02:00

Barebonesloggin'...

Friday, March 12:

Slackers 21
ELE La Calle 19

GoodFellas 11
Green Monsters 19

Tourney Seeds:

1. Green Monsters (5-0)
2. GoodFellas (3-2)
3. Slackers (2-3)
4. ELE La Calle (0-5)

Regular season recap? Tourney preview? Anyone?

More of the Same (Plus: Fattoria!)

2010-03-05T18:05:00.001+02:00

Week Four...

ELE La Calle 5
GoodFellas 7

Slackers 9
Green Monsters 16

Only two games remain for each team before the Tournament.

Three to go...

2010-03-04T09:22:00.000+02:00

Friday, March 5:
Noon: ELE La Calle @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 Monster)
1:30 PM: Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 ELE + 1 GoodFella)

Saturday, March 6:
Time TBD: Slackers @ GoodFellas (Umps: 2 Monsters)
*This is a makeup of a Feb. 26 game*

Friday, March 12:
Noon: Slackers @ ELE La Calle (Umps: 1 GoodFella + 1 Monster)
1:30 PM: GoodFellas @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 ELE)

Saturday, March 13:
Time TBD: Green Monsters @ ELE La Calle (Umps: TBD)
*This is a makeup of a Feb. 26 game*

Friday, March 19:
TOURNAMENT
11:15 AM: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
12:30 PM: #4 Seed @ #1 Seed
2:00 PM: Semis Winners (Higher Seed Home)

Three Down...

2010-02-20T14:18:00.003+02:00

UPDATE THURSDAY FEB 25 @ 2:00 PM:
NO SOFTBALL ON FEB. 26 (RAIN)
MAKEUP INFO HERE SOON

Friday, Feb. 19:

ELE La Calle 9
Slackers 24

Green Monsters 22
Slackers 11

Green Monsters 19
GoodFellas 11

Friday, Feb. 26:
Noon: Slackers @ GoodFellas (Umps 1 Monster + 1 ELE)
1:30 PM: Green Monsters @ ELE La Calle (Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 GoodFella)

Friday, March 5:
Noon: ELE La Calle @ GoodFellas (Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 Monster)
1:30 PM: Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 ELE + 1 GoodFella)

Friday, March 12:
Noon: Slackers @ ELE La Calle (Umps: 1 GoodFella + 1 Monster)
1:30 PM: GoodFellas @ Green Monsters (Umps: 1 Slacker + 1 ELE)

Friday, March 19:
TOURNAMENT
11:15 AM: #3 Seed @ #2 Seed
12:30 PM: #4 Seed @ #1 Seed
2:00 PM: Semis Winners (Higher Seed Home)

Bears! Laziness! Murder! Shoeshines!

2010-02-17T12:39:00.007+02:00

-No refunds. Consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives!
From the movie Semi-Pro

-Slut.
-Buttwipe.
-Hoe.
-Monkey boy.
From the movie Slackers

-We can be as different as we wanna be, but you can't kill people!
-Says who!? I'm good with the Lord.
From the movie Monster

-Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.
From the movie Goodfellas

GAME TIMES HAVE CHANGED! (Updated Feb 17 @ Noonish)

We're pushing back the start times by just a few minutes to accommodate Little League, who will use the field for practice on Friday mornings.

Feb 19:
11:00 AM: ELE La Calle @ Slackers (Umps: 2 Monsters)
12:15 PM: Green Monsters @ Slackers (1 ELE + 1 GoodFella)
1:30 PM: Green Monsters @ GoodFellas (2 Slackers)

Comment moderation has been lifted. You're free to air it out. Have at each other.

Seriously, you shortbus riding halfwits. Get mean. We miss the mean!

Winter Season Is ... Balmy

2010-02-12T17:24:00.007+02:00

UPDATED GAME TIMES FOR WEEK TWO BELOW!

70+ degrees out there today. Welcome to Jordan.

GoodFellas 17
Slackers 10

GoodFellas 23
ELE La Calle 15

ELE La Calle 6
Green Monsters 16

GoodFellas are your first first-place team of the season. Read that line over a few hundred times until it sinks in.

GAME TIMES HAVE CHANGED! (Updated Feb 17 @ Noonish)
Feb 19:
11:00 AM: ELE La Calle @ Slackers (Umps: 2 Monsters)
12:15 PM: Green Monsters @ Slackers (1 ELE + 1 GoodFella)
1:30 PM: Green Monsters @ GoodFellas (2 Slackers)

Comment moderation has been lifted. You're free to air it out. Have at each other.

Winter Season Is ... Wintry

2010-02-04T14:58:00.005+02:00

UPDATED WITH UMPING ASSIGNMENTS The latest start yet to our winter season is once again pushed back by Meteorological Events ... or God, depending on your preference. Here's what was supposed to happen, in case your team captain is a schmuck and didn't let you know: Feb 5 (Snowed Out): 11:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Slackers 1:30 PM: ELE @ Green Monsters Here's what will happen: Feb 12: 10:30 AM: GoodFellas @ Slackers (Umps: 2 ELE) 12:00 PM: GoodFellas @ ELE (1 Slacker + 1 Monster) 1:30 PM: ELE @ Green Monsters (2 GoodFellas) Feb 19: 10:30 AM: ELE @ Slackers (Umps: 2 Monsters) 12:00 PM: Green Monsters @ Slackers (1 ELE + 1 GoodFella) 1:30 PM: Green Monsters @ GoodFellas (2 Slackers) And here's what's already happened: Jan 29 (Pre-Season Exhibitions): Slackers 17 ELE 8 GoodFellas 0 Green Monsters 5 Team Colors: Slackers: Orange GoodFellas: Black with Yellow Green Monsters: Green with White ELE: Dunno. Haven't heard. As you warm yourself by the fire of your burning books, try to solve the mystery of what ELE stands for. Here are a few tries from Amman Softball League's Central Toilet... Eeyore Leeches Everything Ever-Lactating Ewes Eritrea Lacks Enchiladas Eleutherophobes Love Ethnocracies Egregious Lexiphanicism Employed Get all the updates and scratch your social networking itch by hooking up with Amman Softball League on Facebook. The link is with the angry softball logo, in the upper right of these here Slogs.

Scrimmage

2009-08-27T14:13:00.002+03:00

It's on for Friday, August 28, from 10 AM until about Noon. Those who have confirmed, please be there on time. Note: A massively massive, megabighugemongously epic season recap is coming this weekend.

Trophy Time Nears. Paint It Orange?

2009-08-07T16:16:00.004+03:00

Canardlys 20 Nomads 15 The Canardlys made the season sweep of the Nomads official and did what they had to do to clinch the Tourney's #3 seed. All they needed was for the JoSox to beat the Camels later in the day. Four wins on the season may not seem like much, but it's a Quantum Leap for the Canardlys. As for the Nomads, who were already trapped at #5, hopefully they can rally all their troops and make some serious noise in the Tourney. A full Nomads squad is as good as any team in the league. JoSox 5 Slackers 8 ASL's top two offensive teams are also the league's top two defensive teams. Both teams came in averaging over 20 runs per game on offense. Both teams hadn't allowed 10 runs to an opponent in their previous 5 games. Something had to give, and it was scoring. In such a low-scoring game, a hero had to emerge. Enter the Slackers' Rakan "Rocky" Abu Shaar. Rocky hit two inside the park homers for 5 RBI and made several web gems at shortstop. Awesome game, Rocky. You carried the Slackers on your back and willed the Orange to victory over everyone's hated rivals ... and to the top seed in the Tourney. Camels 6 JoSox 11 The Camels picked up where the Slackers left off, holding the suddenly anemic JoSox offense to just 11 runs, behind the able (and brave) pitching of Laura Alsenas. But the Humps could not overcome the stingy JoSox defense, so it's the #4 seed for the Tourney. JoSox came into the game locked in at the #2 seed. The Tournament Schedule: Friday, August 14: 8:45 AM (Opening Round) #5 Nomads @ #4 Camels 10:30 AM (Semifinal 1) #3 Canardlys @ #2 JoSox 12:15 PM (Semifinal 2) Winner of #5/#4 @ #1 Slackers 2:15 PM (Championship) Semifinals winners play each other. The higher seed is the home team. Coming up this week: Declan joins Ziggy and Schwa for a Tourney preview. A response to Jeff "Goldilocks" Sillin's MLB team comparisons. And each team's theme song.

Nomads First To, Um, Clinch

2009-07-31T09:20:00.012+03:00

The results from Week 8: Slackers 26 Camels 7 Nomads 7 Camels 20 Nomads 4 JoSox 24 Week 9's schedule... Friday, August 7: 9:00 AM Canardlys @ Nomads Umps: 3 JoSox 10:45 AM JoSox @ Slackers Umps: 3 Canardlys 12:30 PM Camels @ JoSox Umps: 3 Slackers (Filling for Nomads) Then it's the Tourney... Friday, August 14: 8:45 AM (Opening Round) #5 Nomads @ #4 Seed 10:30 AM (Semifinal 1) #3 Seed @ #2 Seed 12:15 PM (Semifinal 2) Winner of #5/#4 @ #1 Seed 2:15 PM (Championship) Semifinals winners play each other. The higher seed is the home team.

Change You Can Be Leavin'

2009-07-27T16:00:00.004+03:00

As promised, changes have been made to the schedule for weeks 8 & 9. Also, effective immediately, the position of co-captain is eliminated. You can do whatever you like within your own teams, but for the purposes of communication with the commish and discussions with the umpires, the Captain and only the Captain is the Dude. This is an issue of maturity and experience in league business. Some of the co-captains are simply not cut out for it yet. Finally, the Comments Section of the Slogs would like to extend an official welcome to all the hypocrites, idiots, whiners and jackasses. Welcome. I could blacklist those morons or instantly delete every comment they make, good or bad. But then a small part of them would die, and it's not time for the murders I have planned. Not just yet. Keep shooting yourselves in the foot guys. And stay classy, as always. Then again, maybe I'll randomly delete some of their comments, just to mess with them. Yeah. That's it. Friday, July 24 (Week 7): Camels 8 Canardlys 16 JoSox 35 Canardlys 7 Nomads 7 Slackers 14 Friday, July 31 (Week 8): 9:00 AM Slackers @ Camels Umps: 3 Nomads Note: This is a six-inning game and will begin with the top of the 2nd. 10:45 AM Nomads @ Camels Umps: 3 JoSox 12:30 PM Nomads @ JoSox Umps: 3 Camels Friday, August 7 (Week 9): 9:00 AM Canardlys @ Nomads Umps: 3 JoSox 10:45 AM JoSox @ Slackers Umps: 3 Canardlys 12:30 PM Camels @ JoSox Umps: 3 Slackers (Filling for Nomads) Please note: Nothing in this post is up for debate, discussion, vote or poll.

Week 7: The Real Monkeyfest

2009-07-22T11:35:00.009+03:00

--LATE UPDATE (The captains already know this): 9:00 AM Camels @ Canardlys The Camels will take an automatic 3 outs in the top of the 1st inning (missed umping assignment) Umps: 3 JoSox 10:45 AM JoSox @ Canardlys The JoSox will take an automatic 3 outs in the top of the 1st inning (missed umping assignment) Umps: 3 Slackers 12:30 PM Nomads @ Slackers Umps: 3 Canardlys (Note the change) --END UPDATE-- Before we get to the week's games, there will be a party...and you're (probably/maybe) invited. The Marine House at the US Embassy is having "Guest Bartender Night" and they've opened their doors to Amman Softball League. Free admission, cheap drinks. Info was emailed to each team. If you're a player and didn't get it, see your captain. Please don't call, text, or email me about this. It is not my gig. I have no more info than what's in that email. I'm just passing it along. (NOTE: Yes, you certainly CAN bring a non-ASL date. Just follow the instructions in the email.) Speakin' about cheap drinks. Not in cans, bottles, jugs, kegs, travel mugs or brown paper bags. Not in anything at all. Don't bring alcohol to the ALLA Complex. ALCOHOL IS NOT ALLOWED ON LITTLE LEAGUE GROUNDS. July 24 9:00 AM Camels @ Canardlys Umps: 3 JoSox

From Summer 2007, Bling Bling (Top center: Jawad, Saif & Maher; top right: Laith)

Both teams have their origins in 2007's disastrous Bling Bling team, which split into 4U2NV and the Trojans. 4u2NV became Bezzig & Lezzig, then Canardlys. The Trojans are now the Camels. There was an interesting unilateral "bet" made in the comments section. 10:45 AM JoSox @ Canardlys Umps: 3 Slackers

Maher searches in the dirt for his defense. A microscope would be helpful.

Speakin' about Maher...he still owes us about 56 pushups. Oh yeah, one more thing... Freak, you out there? 12:30 PM Nomads @ Slackers Umps: 1 JoSox + 2 Canardlys

An unidentified Nomad tried drowning his sorrows, but his sorrows learned to swim.

Jordan Cup? What Jordan Cup? It's beyond the point of plastering the Nomads on milk cartons and issuing Amber Alerts. We're damn near the point of making funeral arrangements. Man up, 'Mads. (Note: The player in the pic may or may not be one of the Nomads captains not named Zaki.) Notes: There may be schedule changes for the final two weeks of the regular season. Please stay tuned. Or don't. As always, I really don't care what you degenerates do. Still time to vote in the walking poll. As of this typing, Laith Barhoum is considered the walking mascot of ASL. Quite an honor.

Week 6 Results

2009-07-17T15:49:00.002+03:00

Canardlys 8 JoSox 26 JoSox 27 Nomads 4 Slackers 16 Camels 4

Diesel Fume Ponderings

2009-07-14T13:36:00.025+03:00

Declan Sartawi, representing babies everywhere.

SLOGS WARNING: If you are easily offended...ah, you know the drill.

Shukri Saleh is not worried about his sperm count.

Slogs Note: The following is an email from Shukri to Mude, modified from a letter Shuk sent to his parents.

First off, I would like to extend my best wishes and congrats to Brooke and Mude on the beautiful addition to their family. I feel I speak on behalf of the league (most of you, at least) and Mr. Jawad, of course, when I say that we are looking forward to getting smashed and inebriated on July 1st, 2010, Declan’s one year birthday! Congratulations. Love, Le Freak. Now, to all other young couples considering taking this big step in life, please reconsider. I prepared this list for my parents, detailing my reasons for not reproducing. 1. Why? Is it supposed to complete me!? My ass. 2. Bad investment. The costs involved in feeding, clothing, and educating the SOB or DOB. Children under 18 are a major financial liability. 3. I have seen too many good parents have their lives ruined because of their “problem child.” 4. Drugs. This can range from having an addict daughter/son, legal fees, legal issues, DUI, vehicular homicide, etc. 5. Raising the child. Having to feed it, bathe it, care for it, provide a loving & nurturing environment (I just tasted my own vomit), advising, guiding, and being a responsible father really seems like too much work and, more importantly, a MAJOR RESPONSIBILITY. 6. Activities like sports events, rehearsals, ballet, piano, Disney World, theme parks. (I’d rather have two root canals and have all my wisdom teeth yanked out again). Wow, is there any time left for my significant other and I? What about “our” activities? Can I really sit through a high school game or a little league season? 7. Birthdays. Mine were fun, but my parents hated it, and for good reason. 8. Family events. Having to do the “Holidays,” taking the children to their grandparents, cousins, and other relatives that come out of nowhere. 9. Education. Parent/teacher conferences, putting them in a good school and keeping up with their school events. I did well in school, but I disliked it. Why put myself through that crap again? 10. Stress. The stress involved with having a child. He goes out to play, she goes skydiving, she goes to the beach, he goes climbing or traveling, etc. I would be concerned and worried about their wellbeing the whole time, when I’d rather be enjoying myself or relaxing. 11. My significant other. Telling her, “Honey, I love you, but don’t love them (the kids).” I’m sure that will not go over very well with her. 12. Golf. I would much rather be golfing than doing the father-son or father-daughter bonding stuff. Yes I can take them out with me, but … no. 13. People say it’s only 18 years that they are with us, then they leave the house. 18 freaking years! That’s like more than a fourth of what I am expecting to live. Is Obama going to bail me out? 14. Religion. If my daughter or son came to me saying they found Jesus, or the words of Mohammed are echoing in their heads, or Moses (never mind…haha), I would lock them in a room and beat the stupidity out of them. The last thing I need is religion in my life. 15. You ever see those parents chasing their kids in the mall, or their child is screaming and kicking in the restaurant, or crying in the bank? Do you really want to be that parent? I have always wanted to walk over to such parents and ask them, “Do you mind if I slap your son and shut him up?” 16. Patience. Raising a child, or just being around him/her, requires patience, which I do not have at all. 17. Sex. What if you want to be loud? What if the kitchen table, sofa, or washing machine are the closest convenient spot? What if we want to invite a third person? I’m just saying, kids get in the way of a healthy sex life. 18. Family name is not a good enough excuse. 19. “This is why we were put on this earth.” Do you also believe in Noah’s Ark? Not good enough. Or, “It will make you happy.” Everyone has his or her definition of that. 20. Divorce. Hey, no marriage is guaranteed. Kids just complicate the divorce.

Poll Results...

Bite me.

Slogsville makes the call.

Just for fun, let's look at the standings, using Roman numerals: I. Slackers II. JoSox III. Camels IV. Canardlys V. Nomads So the "V" stands for five, just as the Nomads had intended. OK, that's not exactly what they had in mind. In real life, Roman numerals are used to add a sense of legacy. In marketing, Roman numerals are used to "dress up" inferior products. You be the judge. Speakin' about the Nomads...

Former Nomad Ramzey Nassar, in the hospital on game day. Ramzey would've made it to the game, but he insisted on having his temperature taken rectally, and it took the nurse a while to find a big enough thermometer. (Glad it was all OK, Ramzey. Hope this teaches you not to call in sick again. And not to have Zaki snap a pic of you and send it to the Slogs.)

Former Nomad John Simon spots Camel Saif Barhoum.

While Saif lifts to get exercise, his brother Laith just walks.

Nomad Omar Massarweh "points" to another loss. I guess he hasn't lost his passion. The Viagra helps?

Speakin' about another Nomads loss, here's your Week 6 slate: 9:00 AM: Canardlys @ JoSox Umps: 3 Nomads (Not one, not two, but THREE.) 10:45 AM: JoSox @ Nomads Umps: 2 Camels + 1 Canardly 12:30 PM: Slackers @ Camels Umps: 3 JoSox You're on your own for predictions. Use the comments section...and use your real name. Don't forget to vote in the new poll. Top of the green sidebar. Do it now. Photo Credits: Shukri Saleh, Zaki Ibrahim.

Week 5 Recap: Outta Monkey References

2009-07-10T20:22:00.011+03:00

Lama likes that all of Amman Softball League plays with Chad's balls.

Canardlys 26 Nomads 9 Before we ~~celebrate~~ recap Canardlys' season sweep over the Nomads, the Slogs would like to extend a warm thanks to Chad "The Imam" Bowen for finding, buying and carrying all those softballs for us to use. And now... Holy mother of a baboon's red butt, can you believe Canardlys just swept the Nomads? The first game was a narrow 7-6 win, but this game...brutal. Due to budget cuts at the Slogs, we couldn't send a correspondent to cover the game, but we hear Canardly Tamara Hawatmeh was still talking about that awesome, barehanded catch she made for an out against the JoSox a couple weeks ago. And it was awesome. In fact, it's awesomeness was only exceeded by its deliciousness. Question: Do the Canardlys, who also have Tamy "Stitch" Goudian, have the best tandem of women in the league? It's hard to argue against them. We hear that Nomad Omar Massarweh went 0-3 with two strikeouts and six errors. However, this could not be independently confirmed. What we can confirm is that Zaki Ibrahim continued his diving ways, but this time into the warm waters of Sharm El-Sheikh. Happy Anniversary to Zaki & Ghadeer. There is also a rumor floating around that Jawad Dabbas has abdicated the captaincy of the Canardlys and control of the team now rests in the hands of Maher Abu Arja. Someone please give us the scoop. As always, if either team has a recap, email it & we'll add it here. Up next week for both teams: The JoSox, who play a doubleheader. Slackers 23 Nomads 7 Some Jordan Derby. The Slogs will save the new trophy for the next game, in the hopes that it'll be something worthy of the work of art that is the new Jordan Cup. The Slackers have outscored the Nomads 61-23 in two games. Sheesh. So the Nomads were swept in their doubleheader. To be fair, they were shorthanded, having to enlist the help of some Canardlys just to round out a roster. Still, the Slackers just keep winning. That's a league-high five-game winning streak by the Slackers, if you're scoring at home. Or if you're scoring on the beach in Sharm. Or in a villa in Kursi. Some good news for the Nomads: Unlike their last three games, the Nomads will not have to suffer a penalty for missing an umping assignment. Thanks for showing up, guys. Up next week for the Slackers: The Camels. Camels 4 JoSox 28 "This is more like it." - Kevin Rowlson, JoSox "We need to practice." - Saif Barhoum, Camels Note: Type in italics is Jeff Sillin's. Regular type is mine. Today, fans at the ALLA complex witnessed the JoSox commit one of the goriest, more horrific mass Camelcides in the recorded history of the Levant. The JoSox were out for blood, revenge, pain. We managed to keep our cool on the Slogs, and even in the stands. But there was no doubt: We wanted this one, badly. The Camels were a different team this week. Apparently we thought it was against the rules to field the ball if it was below our knee caps. We will have to read the rules to confirm. The big problem was obviously our bats. There were strikeouts, popups, double plays (grr). While camels do not need much water to survive, they usually require a minimum of four at-bats per week to avoid bouts of depression. The big problem for the Camels was the JoSox defense. Those strikeouts, popups and delicious double plays didn't happen on their own. Our D made them happen; the Camels were just nice enough to play along. The Camels only got 31 at-bats in 7 innings, getting a miniscule 12 runners on base, for a .387 average -- the lowest for a Sox/Monsters opponent since winter '07. That's 1.7 baserunners per inning. You won't score runs when you trot out that 0.7 of a baserunner. For the Sox, we had 53 plate appearances in only 6 innings. 35 got on base, with 4 sac flies (all RBI). That's a .714 clip (35-49), our highest team average since hitting .811 last summer...against the Camels/Trojans in a 32-8 win. Even if we had played good defense, the JoSox were slapping line drives every which-way. I don't see how we make up 29 runs on this day. Speakin' about hitting: Zac Bonifas, Tom & John Manning, Eric Atkins and Ali Lejlic each had at least 4 hits. Add to the list our 10th hitter, Katie Domian, who went 4-5 with 3 runs and a couple RBI. Every JoSox got at least one hit and one RBI and one run scored. At least. Eric led the way with 6 RBI, while Ali scored 5 runs. For the Camels, Jeff Sillin, Aaron Bouchane and Mazen Nimri each went 2-3. Mohammad Zalatimo went 2-2 and pitched well. Guess who only got on base because he took a walk? Laith Barhoum. That's right, the plagiarist himself, the supposed Anti-Slacker and condemner-in-chief of all who draw walks. He was 0-2 before his last at-bat. He had to walk just to see what reaching base was like in this game. Nancy. (Have at him, Slackers!) With a score of 28-4, surely the JoSox had a whole mess of walks themselves. Nope. The JoSox walked exactly zero times. None. Nada. Zip. 35 for 49 and no walks. Our green hat's off to Z-Man for droppin' us some hittables. I hope that three minute speech you gave after the game while we were standing in line waiting to shake your hands was inspiring for your team, cause it sure was for me. Next game, you can expect a Haka Dance. When you lose, you have to watch the other team celebrate. Get busy winnin', or get busy watchin'.

Week 5 Preview: Cloned Ape = Rematch

2009-07-09T09:13:00.012+03:00

In Softball, men don't walk. They swing like apes.

9:00 AM Canardlys @ Nomads Umps: 3 Slackers Note: The first 3 batters in the Nomads lineup will be automatic outs in the bottom of the 1st inning. (This is for missing their umping assignment for JoSox @ Camels on July 3.)* Rematch week kicks off with the Canardlys looking for back-to-back wins against the Nomads. Will Jawad Dabbas's screaming ways alienate his teammates or accidentally lead them to another win? 10:45 AM Slackers @ Nomads Umps: 1 Canardly & 2 JoSox Note: The first 3 batters in the Nomads lineup will be automatic outs in the bottom of the 1st inning. (This is for missing their umping assignment for Canardlys @ Slackers on July 3.)* The Nomads start game 2 of the Jordan Derby in the hole, losing 3 outs and the Black Hole that is CF Zaki Ibrahim. MIA: Massarweh's leadership. All of ASL is holding its breath to see if the Slackers will actually swing their bats. 12:30 PM Camels @ JoSox Umps: 3 Nomads The Camels, led by the bat (and mouth) of Jeff "Goldilocks" Sillin, are brimming with confidence after last week's defeat of the JoSox. They look to make it two straight, while the Sox hope to make enough adjustments to squeak by with a win.

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Still time to vote in the Nomads poll (upper right, in the green sidebar). Email suggestions for next week's poll, which will start Saturday. *The 3-out punishment for missing an umping assignment was put into effect after a unanimous captains' vote on Saturday, June 6, 2009.

Week 4 Recap: Baby Monkeys!

2009-07-04T00:00:00.004+03:00

Declan Sartawi, Buckeye

Before we get to this week's recaps, let me issue an official denial. There is no truth to the rumor around the league that Brooke & I purposely had our baby early so that she would be back in time for the Tourney. Yes, the Tourney is exactly six weeks away, and that's the recommended recuperation time for new moms, but come on. All of that was tongue in cheek, as are the allegations. I think.

We have a guest doing part of the recaps this week, but first, check out the new poll (in the green sidebar, on the right). On to the week that was...

JoSox 19 20 Camels 22 When the Camels show up with a full squad and play up to their talent, they are as good as any team in the league. It's nice to see them putting it all together. Well done. From the pen of Jeff "Goldilocks" Sillin, co-captain of the Camels: I know that your newborn child provides you a convenient excuse not to include this unfortunate chapter of JoSox history in the Slogs this week. However, if you do find it in your heart to create an entry, here are our notes from the game. Best defense we have ever played, anchored by a solid effort from George Sahyoun at SS, and a spectacular effort from Laith Barhoum at the hot corner (even though he still won't back up a throw for his f-ing life). Mohamed "Z-man" Zalatimo pitched and I don't think he even knows what a walk is. Nobody was hit in the face on our team this week, but I took four balls off the chest. [Mude Note: Does that mean two naked guys sat on Jeff's chest?] If Kevin Rowlson tries to tell you that every ground ball took a candy hop for our defense, tell him that I have the bruises to prove him wrong. At the plate, Aaron Bouchane went 3-5 with a dinger (inside job, the wind was vicious), Laith was 4-5 with another inside the park HR, Tarek Jallad had 4 hits, and yours truly was 5-5 with a triple and a double. Production came throughout the lineup. In a final note, the umps did an admirable job, especially when it came to controlling stupid comments without escalating them. Zaki deserves a nod for that. [Mude Note 2: Too bad he didn't have the required help from his own team. More punishments comin' down.] Canardlys 5 Slackers 18 I hear there was some yelling. Willie & Ash? Jawad? Somehow, the game was played. Slackers continue to roll and take over 1st place. Are they really the team to beat, or is this all the product of the easy part of their schedule and some shorthanded opponents? After all, they did lose to the shorthanded JoSox in Week 1. Time (and a couple of rematches) will tell. Nomads 6 Canardlys 7 Congrats to Canardlys on their first win. It's been a long time coming, and all of the Slogs are elated for your success. Post some stats or your own recap & I'll add it here. Nomads (except Zaki): We're not your maids. Show up & ump your scheduled games like everyone else. It's disgusting... and disrespectful to the rest of the people in the league. Man up. Finally...

To all of my fellow Americans, wherever you may be:

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

(And to the rest of the Free World: You're Welcome.)

Week 3 Results

2009-06-26T17:01:00.006+03:00

Canardlys 9 JoSox 23 Nomads 16 Slackers 38 Slackers 31 Camels 26 25 ~~143~~ 142 runs in three games. Poor home plate. More later...

Week 3 Preview: Party Like A Shaved Ape

2009-06-25T15:04:00.004+03:00

9:00 Canardlys @ JoSox (Umped by 3 Slackers) Teammates in partying, foes on the field. A few hours after this game, Canardlys 1st baseman Chad "The Imam" Bowen and the JoSox #1 fan, Lama Saqr, will hold their engagement party. With members of both teams invited, there may be fallout from the game. I'm thinkin' fisticuffs. I'm thinkin' mayhem. Yes, Mr. Milkshake, there will be blood. *** 10:45 Nomads @ Slackers (Umped by 3 JoSox) The Jordan Derby. The teams are set to play three times this season, with the team that wins at least two games having the honor of taking home the brand new prize. The new "trophy" won't be revealed until there's something on the line, which will be their next game. What will be revealed, however, are the Nomads' new uniforms. I'm sworn to secrecy, but I'm telling you, we are going to have a lot of fun with this. *** 12:30 Slackers @ Camels (Umped by 3 Nomads) The Slackers are spreading rumors that the Camels will forfeit this game. We haven't seen that tactic yet, but if you're scared to play a team, like the Slackers quite obviously fear the Camels, then there is a smarter play. Convince the other team that your team won't show up. Then your opponents won't show up, and you'll come out of hiding to claim the forfeit. Is this what you signed up for, Ash? *** "I didn't get to vote" was sent to me by a couple people, so I'm extending the Bash Mude poll (upper right, in the Green). A new poll will be published on Saturday. Trash-talking may now commence. Or not. I really don't care what you degenerates do.

Week 2 Recap: Simian Honeymoon

2009-06-20T17:06:00.009+03:00

"Even saw the lights of the Goodyear Blimp, and it read 'Ice Cube's a pimp'." It was a good day, indeed. Mostly calm and clear with only scattered WTFs. Must have been the presence of all those ALLA emissaries. Y'all listened when you were told: Khafoo ALLA. But I have the feeling this honeymoon won't last. Your scores: Slackers 31 Canardlys 21 Highlights of the Game: Omar Nimri and Nader Qushair going a combined 10-10 and remaining perfect for the season, cruising to a win with one woman tied behind the altar. And watching Maher Abu Arja mostly dispense with his wiggle dance and finally hit the ball. Lowlight of the Game: The Slackers, who occupy the bases while on defense like an Israeli settlement on a Palestinian hilltop, complaining that the Canardlys' 1st baseman, Chad "The Imam" Bowen, was interfering with their runners...while he was going for the ball. Stat of the Game: The Canardlys are now 12-0 in postgame celebrations. Random Note: Congrats to Dana Samawi, who got married on Thursday. We hope to see your future children watching games and your husband becoming a Slacker. (I believe it's mandatory.) Camels 12 Nomads 19 Highlights: Saad's pitching performance after the 2nd inning. Iman's uncanny ability to get on base. Laura Alsenas' perpetual smile. And, holy crap, Massarweh's clutchiness. Lowlights: Zaki Ibrahim's theatrics in centerfield, diving after catching routine flyballs and even tumbling after one of his infielders would make a play. Also, watching the Camels wilt in the sun and give away a game they should have won. Stat: The Nomads are undefeated when holding the lead at the end of a game. Random Note: Pour some marinara sauce on that bat, Ramzey Nassar. All that talk and you bring al dente angel hair to the plate? Since this is my first attempt at posting from my TootAswad, I figured we should debut a new Slogs feature. You know how every half-retarded sportswriter falls back on the "Burning Questions" crutch? Well, I'm not a sportswriter, but I am nothing if not half-retarded. So, keeping it geographically and environmentally relevant, here's your first installment of... Diesel Fume Ponderings 1. It was fun seeing Omar Massarweh flop around at shortstop again. What'll it take to get him so riled up that he graces the Slogs with his rants again? 2. Good to see teams paying more attention to the development of their female players. Any guy can learn this game, but a sex change is a big hassle. (Note: There's word from someone in a high position that next season will require three women per team, on defense and in the batting order. "Recruit & Develop" or "Hormones & Surgery"... the choice is yours.) 3. This season's Camels feature a smooth Jordanian-American blend. Wait. How the hell am I supposed to stop smoking? Can someone change their team name to Lung Cancer already? 4. Bilal ibn Rabah became the first muezzin because he had a beautiful voice. Seriously, have you been to Mecca Mall lately? Is that azzan, or a hyena that swallowed a French horn? I'm ashamed and offended. And my ears hurt. 5. Ash Samawi went home to the Slackers after three seasons of whoring around with the Traitors, Green Monsters & JoSox. That's what happens when you're done sowing your wild oats. You settle down with family. It's Viagra and backgammon from now on, Smash. 6. The Ministry of Health requires every restaurant and cafe in Jordan to play "Careless Whisper" and "Hotel California" on a loop. This is a fact. Look it up. 7. Last season's Bezzig & Lezzig were forced to change their name from AF11 to the Canardlys because the women on their team objected to the profanity. Meet Tamy Goudian & Tamara Hawatmeh, AKA The Bin Laden Girls. (No, I won't tell you what AF11 stands for.) 8. The JoSox had the week off, and even though he was out of the country, pitcher Kevin Rowlson still walked six batters. OK, here's another one: In Iraq this week, insurgents always stood exactly 48 feet away from Kevin Rowlson, because even they know he's the American who grants easy access to bases. One more? Kevin Rowlson was a popular guy at Baghdad's nightclubs...something, something...free passes...you get the point. 9. Happy Birthday to Schwa, the Slogs' official boycat, who turns three years old today. He was gracious enough to invite Ziggy to the party. Lewd Comment of the Week: "Who let the f&#$%in' press in our dugout?" - Jeff Sillin MVP of the Week: Khaled, the guard at the ALLA Complex, for giving me the chance to do some screamin'. (UPDATE: Just saw the results of the poll so far. You guys are killin' me.) Web Gem of the Week: Really? 83 runs in two games and you want a web gem?

Week 2: Monkey Wedding Afterglow

2009-06-15T11:19:00.007+03:00

We're not quite ready for the Jordan Cup Derby. One more week, right? UPDATE 6:15 PM: There's been a switch in the schedule. Please note! 9:00 AM JoSox @ Noobz We've got some serious new competition for "Best Shortstop" this season, as Eric Atkins showed. Y'all better take a look at the Noobz's Ramzi before it's too late. Can we get someone from the Embassy to clear the mines between home and 1st base? Will the Noobz bring their A-Team to knock off the defending champs? 10:45 AM Slackers @ ~~AF11~~ Canardlys Umps: Two from Nomads, Two from ~~Trojans~~ SWAT Notes: The Slackers need a booster shot for innings 1-4, and ~~AF11~~ Canardlys need one for innings 5-7. Nader being on the Slackers is like the Dalai Lama joining the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Maher's at-bat wiggle-dance routine is like a soldier fixing his hair before combat. Will Chad "The Imam" Bowen remember not to face Mecca while playing defense and pay attention to the ball instead? Finally, where's Ash? 12:30 PM ~~Trojans~~ SWAT @ Nomads Umps: Two from ~~AF11~~ Canardlys, Two from JoSox Massarweh wants a Best Shortstop Opinion Poll. ~~The Trojans~~ SWAT's backup, George, should give him some tips. Hot Pants Rihani is the biggest fan of KISS I have ever known. We want Jeff Sillin to start writing for the Slogs. The Nomads have a few ringers on their team this season, but will they be here for the Tourney? Will ~~the Trojans~~ SWAT win this game, or will they win it in a rout? If your team is even one ump short for any game, then you will take an automatic three outs in your next game's first inning batting turn. (If your next game is against the Noobz, then it'll be assessed the game after that.) Leftovers: Bring cash this week. No pay, no play. Look at the new poll, courtesy of Jeff. Lewd Comment of the Week: "I vehemently but very respectfully disagree with your assessment of the play's result, sir." - ~~Trojan~~ SWATter George, who was ejected. Web Gem of the Week: Gotta be Eric's twisting, diving catch at short, right? Discuss. UPDATE: Rocky's stab of Rudy's hard liner to 3rd in the Sox-Slackers game is the clear front-runner so far. Player of the Week: My vote goes to Massarweh, for not playing. But y'all discuss.

Week 1: Too Loud, Man...Too Loud

2009-06-13T12:38:00.010+03:00

"The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven..." - Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap

A long time coming: King pitches to Jeff in the first game of Summer '09

Question: If Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Bratislav Smearpapsa were to argue with a game official about a particular call, would all three get the same treatment from that official? Answer: Who the hell is Bratislav Smearpapsa? Exactly. Rookies & Unknowns need to establish themselves and their reputation in the league in order to build the rapport necessary to OPEN THEIR FREAKIN' MOUTHS to any umpire. Then, if you rooks want to talk to an ump about a call, pay your dues long enough to become a captain. Until then, zip it. We play by a set of rules that have been voted on, item by item and line by line, by the captains of this league. The rules were not found under a sanniyeh of mansaf or revealed to someone in a wet dream. We all came up with them, together. I beg all of you to look here in the comments section for more. And for the love of falafel, read the damn rulebook as soon as you can spare four minutes in between downloading porn and cursing my name. The games... AF11 12 Trojans 20 AF11, which is last season's Bezzig & Lezzig renamed to reflect the team's current openness in mating habits, renewed their rivalry with their cousins, fellow Bling Bling descendants the Trojans. Inspired by the solid tandem of Tamy "Stitch" Goudian and former Nomad Tamara "Look Up" Hawatmeh - and the suddenly and inexplicably improved bat of Maher "The Choreographer" Abu Arja - captain Jawad "Spiked Coffee" Dabbas and his band of merry marauders jumped out to an 8-0 lead. Recognizing the need to inspire his team, Trojans co-cap Laith Barhoum got his Chuck Norris on. Instead of catching a relay from his outfielder, Laith wanted to catch it in his mouth to prove to his team that anything is possible. Ball 1, Chuck Norris 0. Eleven stitches later, Laith would rest easy in knowing that his brother, Saif, and 'mates like Jeff Sillin, Aaron Bouchane and that Rory dude, rallied and took the game. Special Note: AF11's 1B, Chad "The Imam" Bowen, pulled off something that nobody in ASL's history has been able to do: He got Lama Saqr to attend a morning game. I guess it helps that they're newly engaged. Congrats, kids. Just take a hint from the tenor of Friday's game and be careful how many ASLers you invite to the wedding. We like to destroy. Slackers 22 JoSox 23 Looking to avenge their loss in last season's championship game, the Slackers found themselves in a 19-7 hole after four innings. No problem when you have bats like they do. Led by cap Karim Barghouti, outfielder Nader Qushair and pitcher Omar Nimri, who combined to go a perfect 14-14 from the plate, the Slackers put up 4, 4 and 7 runs in the last three innings. And they held what looks to be a potent JoSox offense to exactly zero runs over that span. 22-19, Slackers lead, going into the bottom of the 7th and final inning. Gary Bonifas led off the inning with a single, and Justin Hiester knocked him in with a triple. Steve Mancuso sent him home with a double. 22-21, Slackers clinging to the lead with no outs. Mike O'Leary, the potential winning run, then singled to put runners on 1st and 3rd. Still no outs. The very next batter, David Lopez, calmly took one of Omar's patented cloud-scrapers and smoked it. Steve trotted home, followed by a hustling Mike. Ballgame. Special Note: The Slackers' Nader Qushair has been one of the best players in this league for six seasons now. It's my opinion that he's the most underappreciated player in ASL's history. Noobz 10 Nomads 11 The Nooobz are made up of brand new players who want to learn the game and have some fun. Instead of placing them on established teams, where they would see little or no playing time in our fiercely competitive league, we decided to spin them off and give them the attention they deserve. So every week, the Noobz will have a practice day with some of the league's players and coaches, where they will learn to hit and field and run the bases. Each Friday, they will play in a simulated game against one of the league's teams. In exchange for the "easy win" and valuable scrimmage time, the league team will also help in the development of these new players by working with and coaching the Noobz during the game. But, if the league team does not show up with enough players to field a team, then the result goes down as a forfeit. You really don't want that. Some special stuff for Noobz games: 1. League teams are capped at 5 runs per inning for all innings. Noobz have no limits in all innings. 2. League teams bat with the standard 3 outs. Noobz bat around for the first two innings, then go to 3 outs per inning. If the Noobz have less than 10 players, then outs are counted with the first league player's at bat (see #3). 3. The Noobz will be combined with players from other teams to form a full squad. Any player, regardless of his/her team, who wants some extra practice is encouraged to join the game. Players who can help coach and teach the Noobz are also needed to join up. 4. The goal here is to help the Noobz learn the game and have fun. Take it easy on them and always be in teaching mode. If you're reading this and want to learn the game of softball, please send an email to ASL (from the Contact info in the sidebar).

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Next week's game schedule will be published on Sunday, June 14. We'll have the full season schedule later in the week.

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For the week of June 14-20, reserve your team's practice time in the comments section of this post.

We're Back

2009-06-10T23:59:00.005+03:00

"Get it on. Gotta get it on. No choice but to get it on." - Adam Carolla Like a disease in remission, we've come back with rage, killing that false sense of security you felt as you lollygagged away the last ten months of Fridays. The Summer 2009 season of Amman Softball League, our 7th overall, is most definitely on. What does this mean for you? Pain, that's what. You're about to get smacked with balls that have the best size and hardness combo this side of bowling. If you like getting smacked with balls, then you've come to the right place. Welcome. We are also rolling out the same stained red carpet to all those who enjoy smacking balls. See how fairness runs in our blood? We've got Smackers and Slackers and Spitters and Trojans... Botox and JoSox and Nomads and Mo' Nads than any camel-humpin' league in the Middle East. We are here to get some and, dammit, some will be gotten. That felt good. By the way, the Slogs are now Adult Swim. This place is as full of inside jokes as it is full of fun and informative (don't forget well written!) stuff about the league. Read up on ASL, feel free to comment, and get in on the inside jokes. The only rule for Adult Swim: Don't pee in my pool. The deal for this Friday, June 12th: 9:00 AM*: AF11 @ Trojans (Slackers umping) 10:45 AM: Slackers @ JoSox (Trojans umping) 12:30 PM: Noobz @ Nomads (JoSox umping) *That's right, Nine Ay Em. Get over it...or just stay awake from the night before. RULES CHANGES: 1. No more surgical strike. It was dumb. 2. Games are now 7 innings. 3. Infielders positioned behind the basepaths for all batters. 4. Designated Hitter option added. 5. Miss an umping assignment, your team loses a full inning of at-bats. 6. Bring booze into the park, you're ejected & suspended. 7. READ THE RULES! (Note: This is not a rule change.) Maybe I'll have more on the league on Thursday. Maybe I'll decide to do something else instead. Like count the number of hypocrites who pretend to be religious but have no problem waking up entire neighborhoods with their horn-honking, wife-beating and escaped-from-the-zoo children. Softball was a venting mechanism, for all of us. You getting that yet? One word for all the waiters in Jordan: DEODORANT. Two words for getting Jordan out of debt: ~~TRAFFIC~~ PARKING TICKETS. Three words for Le Freak: NEED A LIGHT? Four words for Jeff's uncle: YOUR NEPHEW LIKES BOYS. Five words for all you newcomers: WELCOME TO AMMAN SOFTBALL LEAGUE.

Has Anyone Seen Our Future?

2009-01-18T13:18:00.003+02:00

As you may have heard, we had to postpone (then cancel) the Winter '09 season. We had no choice in the matter, as there is no available field large enough to accommodate the game of softball. (Curse the people who decided what the dimensions of a soccer field should be.) The good news is, we should have plenty of new adults joining ASL in the coming years, because there is some seriously overwhelming demand to play baseball in Jordan. This is why the Little League field is not available. There are literally hundreds of kids playing baseball there on Fridays this winter. Maybe even thousands. Or, at least a dozen kids. OK, maybe seven. Anyway, it's Little League's field, so like the Bad News Bears in the Astrodome...Let them play. Here's what we hope to do over the next few weeks: 1. Register as an independent organization. 2. Find some land. 3. Make a softball field. 4. Play ball. If anyone wants to enlist for the purpose of helping out in Steps 1-3 above, please email me using the contact info at the top of the sidebar. Don't even bother calling. That number is just for ASL (not my private number), so I will not pick up during the offseason. Email, please. In the meantime, should we keep the Slogs going or let 'em hibernate? I'm thinking of posting the entire championship game from Summer '07 via YouTube. You know, Nomads-Traitors. Great game. Epic, even. And maybe we can settle, once and for all, if Massarweh is qualified to play shortstop. (Maybe that dig will get him on the toilet and calling.) Stay warm, Sloggers.

New Team Joins ASL

2008-08-27T00:18:00.001+03:00

Let's all make the new guys feel at home...

Mude 8.27.2008

To be continued...

I Have Seen The Future

2008-08-25T14:25:00.010+03:00

Zaki posted some predictions for next season, so a timely Slogs response is in order... And speakin' about the All-Seeing Eye...

We at the Slogs are happy the Leech found a friend. Here's the first installment of The Adventures of Leechy and Sponge-O...

It's Off: JoSox Win

2008-08-15T18:49:00.008+03:00

JoSox: ASL Summer 2008 Champions

Amman Softball League

Summer 2008 Season Tournament

Friday, August 15 Championship: Slackers 14 JoSox 22 Semis 2: Trojans 7 JoSox 10 Semis 1: Nomads 21 Slackers 26 Play-In Game: Bezzig & Lezzig 10 Trojans 15 Note: The All-Star Game for Saturday is cancelled due to APS.

It's On

2008-08-14T00:57:00.004+03:00

Important Announcement From Ziggy & Schwa: The Tourney ends with the Championship Game (2:15 PM) this Friday, August 15. But the All-Star Game will be played the following day at 11:00 AM. We’re contacting players and captains today & tomorrow, but you have to be patient with us. Dialing a phone is kinda hard for us, because we’re cats and have no thumbs. In the meantime, please enjoy our cartoons making fun of Mude, and read the XL edition of the Summer 2008 Tournament Preview.

Ziggy & Schwa, Mude 8/14/2008

But seriously. Read the rules. This is neither the majors nor little league. Pitching, baserunning, substitutions and interference calls are all considerably different, and there are many incorrect assumptions about all of them. Don't get burned. If you know the rules by which we play, you'll have an edge in the Tournament. Here's some more epic posting...

ASL Summer 2008 Tournament Preview PLAY-IN GAME #5 Bezzig & Lezzig (0-8) @ #4 Trojans (3-5) Time: 9:15 AM Conditions: 76 F, WSW 8 MPH Umpires: 1 Slacker + 2 Nomads Kevin’s Take: B&L: This team just doesn't seem to put it all together for the whole game. I have seen them play just a couple times, and they seem to do ok for 2-3 innings and then the flood gates open. Keys to success: Cut down the errors, pitchers need to throw strikes, and of course scoring a lot of runs wouldn't hurt. Trojans: Probably the most dangerous team in the tournament. Everyone expects the JoSox, Slackers, and Nomads to be there but the Men in Black may surprise a few people. Keys to success: Pitching, fielding, and not letting other teams take extra bases on throws all over the field. Massarweh’s Take: B&L: Can't field. Can't hit. But love to play the game. I envy them. Trojans: Take out Aaron Bouchane, Saif Barhoum and Jeff Sillin’s bats, and the Trojans got nothing. Laith Barhoum does make a play, though, every once in a while. Their selectivity on swinging at pitches like women will get them nowhere. Ziggy Says: Massarweh is a chauvinist goat. He compares the Trojans’ selective swinging to feminine behavior, as if women can’t play, but his own team would be no better than 2-6 without their women. And he forgets about Ben Barrows, Tarek Jallad, Laura Alsenas and Mohamed Zalatimo (who is only one of the best pitchers in the league). Prediction: Bezzig will have a great party, regardless of the result. Schwa Says: With a full roster, the Trojans will make noise in this Tourney. The key to the Trojans going far in the playoffs will be their outfield defense and shortstop play, in addition to selecting the right batting order. Prediction: Trojans march on. SEMIS 1 #3 Nomads (5-3) @ #2 Slackers (6-2) Time: 10:45 AM Conditions: 81 F, WSW 9 MPH Umpires: 1 JoSox + 1 Bezzig + 1 Trojan Kevin’s Take: Nomads are the most trash-talking squad in the tournament, and they can never back it. I am sure they will come in brash and cocky after thrashing the JoSox 3 weeks ago but what's done is done. Keys to success: Hitting. Missing two of the better hitters in their lineup, the rest will have to produce. If not, fire up the grill. Slackers, as always, are strictly offensive. Defense is just a place to stand until it's their turn to bat. They were missing a couple of their best hitters in the tiebreaker game, one of which is their top outfielder, Nader Qushair. With Willy gone for the Tourney, it might be a silent Slacker team--unless Rocky Abushaar rejoins the team. Massarweh’s Take: Nomads truly are the most trash-talking team in the Tournament who can’t back it up. More than often than not, they fail to keep a huge lead, and break down in one inning and can’t bounce back. Their players try to do things they simply cannot do. Keys to success: Focus, hit and be mentally tough day in, day out. The skill is there. The mental power to get it done is lacking. Slackers are an offensive superpower, but a defensive dwarf. All you need to do to beat this team is to hit it hard and on the ground. The rest will happen easily. Schwa Says: Don’t you love it when people spout off without having all the facts? Kevin & Massarweh both ripped on the Orange D, but the Slackers were the second-best defensive team in the league this season. They allowed fewer runs per game than the Nomads, and only 5 more all season than the JoSox. On offense, they also finished 2nd to the JoSox, but ahead of the Nomads. Slackers get some key players back, including Nader, Rocky and Yazan Barghouti. The Orange will triumph in this game, and it’s not going to be as close as some may think (or hope) it would be. Ziggy Says: The Slackers are an absolute force. Like my Pops, Mude, has said before, the Orange Way is to keep it in the family and throw everything they have at their opponents. Their ability to score is obvious and their defense is underrated. That sounds like a dangerous combo to me. And the two missing Nomads make it a tough climb for the Sandwalkers. Prediction: Slackers win. SEMIS 2 Winner of #5/#4 @ #1 JoSox (6-2) Time: 12:15 PM Conditions: 84 F, WSW 10 MPH Umpires: 1 From Loser of #3/#2 + 2 From Loser of #5/#4 Kevin’s Take: JoSox: This team doesn't rebuild; it reloads. They seem to have shored up the defensive issues from earlier in the season, and the hitting appears to be peaking. By far the best OF and SS in the league, hands down. Keys to success: Focus. Massarweh’s Take: Most organized and focused team in the Tournament, but by far the most BORING team with no motivation whatsoever (except Kevin). When they reload, they reload, but somehow they manage to reload with players nobody wants. There is no continuity from season to season, which, in my opinion, is the reason behind their lethargic game face. Best SS? I have never seen him play, so I cannot answer. We all know who the best SS in this league is, don’t we, Nomads? (Mude: Why not have a vote, like you did with the Leach [sic]? That would be much more entertaining than Kevin’s hezz danab.) Schwa Says: I’m the Boycat, and I also have a mancrush on Doug “Hoover” Van Zandt. He has been playing shortstop in ASL for four-plus seasons, yet Omar Massarweh claims to have never seen him play. Maybe if CHOKEmar MassERRORweh stepped back from his full-length mirror once in a while, he’d actually catch a glimpse of the other players in this league. Ziggy Says: Easy on Omar, little Schwa. The man’s about to get engaged! About the game: If the JoSox take this game seriously, they’ll march on to the championship game, where the Slackers will be waiting for them. If they goof off and give away outs on defense and on the basepaths, then we’re in for the biggest shocker in our history—bigger than when the Trojans crushed the Nomads last Tourney. Prediction: JoSox remain focused, win the game and bring me meat-filled treats. CHAMPIONSHIP GAME Time: 2:15 PM Conditions: 89 F, WSW-W 10 MPH Umpires: 1 from each of the 3 eliminated teams Preview/Prediction: God only knows, right?

***

Part 1.5: The Leech's Revenge

2008-08-13T10:46:00.004+03:00

The trivia question was: Why should we have the After-Season Party as close to the Dead Sea as possible? Answer: Because all that salt will keep the Leech away. Kevin answered the question correctly, but Brooke was technically the first to get it (without a hint, even). They will share the prize of being featured in Amman Softball League's first ever Player Cards. (Sorry, no holograms.) The voting on whether or not to keep the Leech cartoons in the Slogs has been closer than expected. (Hurry and vote at the top of the green column on the right of the Slogs.) Our undercover detectives have unearthed the reason behind all those "No" votes...

And the Leech proves how socially ignorant and frustratingly resilient he is... Next up: Part 2 (The Tourney preview)

Stay tuned...

We're There: Tourney Time, Part 1

2008-08-09T23:52:00.009+03:00

Here's an update (unrelated to the Slackers-JoSox game) for all the fans of the Leech. If you like it, I'll make it a regular Slogs feature. You can vote at the top of the column on the right side.

Slackers 7 JoSox 15 The tie is broken. There was much venom. Venomy, venomous venom. Slackers and JoSox finished the regular season tied for first place, and the tiebreaker was to determine Tournament seeding. (A best-of-three coin flip, as agreed on by the captains, determined the home team for this game.) The Tourney schedule is at the bottom. Here are your game notes for Slackers-JoSox: 1. Batting Out Of Order If an infraction is discovered immediately after a batter completes his appearance...any advances or scores due to his action are nullified, he is removed from the bases if he reached, and the proper batter is called out...and the batter that follows the proper batter who was declared out will come to the plate. If the infraction is discovered during a plate appearance (that is, a pitch has been thrown to the current batter)...there is no penalty, but the situation is rectified--the proper batter comes to bat and assumes the improper batter's current count. (LINK) 2. Leading Off A base runner may not leave the base until the bat makes contact with the ball. If the base runner leaves early (after the pitcher is on the rubber for one second but before contact is made), the umpire will declare "no pitch" and the base runner will be called out. If a runner leaves his base during a swing and the batter misses, that runner is out. (LINK) Tournament Schedule (Friday, August 15, 2008): 9:15 AM - Play-In (5) Bezzig & Lezzig @ (4) Trojans 10:45 AM - Semis 1 (3) Nomads @ (2) Slackers 12:15 PM - Semis 2 (5/4) Play-In Winner @ (1) JoSox 2:15 PM - Championship Semis Winners Play, Higher Seed Is Home Team

Almost There: Aug 8 Recap

2008-08-08T15:59:00.006+03:00

We're almost done with the regular season. The JoSox win earned them a tiebreaker game against the Slackers to determine the #1 seed. The game will take place Saturday, August 9, at 1:30 PM. Come on out and watch the showdown. Friday, August 8: 10:00 AM: Slackers 0 (Forfeit) JoSox 6 11:30 AM: Trojans 8 JoSox 32 1:00 PM: Nomads 18 Bezzig & Lezzig 4 Standings after 8 games: 1. JoSox 6-2 1. Slackers 6-2 3. Nomads 5-3 4. Trojans 3-5 5. Bezzig & Lezzig 0-8 Tourney (Friday, August 15): 9:30 AM (Play-In Game) #5 Bezzig & Lezzig @ #4 Trojans 11:00 AM (Semis 1) #3 Nomads @ #2 (JoSox/Slackers, TBD) 12:30 PM (Semis 2) #5/#4 Winner @ #1* (JoSox/Slackers, TBD) 2:15 PM (Championship) Winners of Semis 1 & 2, with the higher seed home *Note: #1 seed may pick their Semis game time.

Preview: Regular Season Finale

2008-08-07T16:16:00.003+03:00

As half-expected, the Slackers had to forfeit to the JoSox this week. This is why the potential tiebreaker game was set up for Saturday--so the Slackers could field a full team for the game that mattered. We will have one tiebreaker game. Your up-to-date Tournament scenarios: A: If JoSox win, they play Slackers on Saturday to determine the #1 Seed, leaving Nomads as #3 and Trojans #4 (regardless of what happens in the Nomads-Bezzig & Lezzig game). B: If Nomads lose and Trojans win, then Nomads-Trojans play a tiebreaker for #3/4. C: If Nomads & Trojans win, Nomads-JoSox play a tiebreaker for #2/3. 10:00 AM Slackers "0" @ "10" JoSox Forfeit Slackers finish 6-2 JoSox are 5-2 with one to play 11:30 AM Trojans @ JoSox (Umped by Bezzig & Lezzig) Trojans 3-4 JoSox 5-2 1:00 PM Nomads @ Bezzig & Lezzig (Umped by Trojans) Nomads 4-3 Bezzig 0-7 Note: We could not adjust the schedule, due to the late Slackers forfeit. The Tournament is next Friday, August 15, and the All-Star Game is on Saturday, August 16.

I Can See Clearly Now...Sorta

2008-08-01T18:04:00.006+03:00

Week 6 Recap. Tighty Whitey to start, more details to follow. (If you have stats, pics or something else from your game that you'd like to have included, please email it to me & I'll work it in.) The Tourney picture is finally coming into focus. Friday, August 1: 10:00 AM: Bezzig & Lezzig 7 @ 11 Slackers 11:30 AM: Nomads 13 @ 12 Slackers (Jordan Cup Final) 1:00 PM: Trojans 10 @ 12 Nomads Standings with one week left in the regular season: 1. Slackers (6-1) Status: Cannot finish below 2nd. Best Case: If they beat JoSox next week, they're the #1 Seed. Worst Case: Lose to JoSox; play JoSox for a #1/2 tiebreaker. 2. JoSox (4-2) Status: Can still finish between #1 & #4. Best Case: Beat Slackers & Trojans next week, then play tiebreaker vs Slackers for #1. Worst Case: Lose to Slackers & Trojans (+Nomads loss); play tiebreaker vs Trojans and Nomads for #2/3/4.* 3. Nomads (4-3) Status: Can finish between #2 & #4. Best Case: #2 Seed with win vs Bezzig & Lezzig + JoSox losses to Slackers & Trojans. Worst Case: Lose to Bezzig + Trojans win, play Trojans for #3/4. 4. Trojans (3-4) Status: Can finish between #2 & #4. Best Case: Beat JoSox + Nomads loss + JoSox loss to Slackers; play Nomads and JoSox for #2/3/4.* Worst Case: Lose to JoSox, #4 Seed. 5. Bezzig & Lezzig (0-7) Status: Locked in at #5 Seed. 6. The Beats Status: Just seeing if you're paying attention. Still with me? * This is the Doomsday Scenario, a three-team mini-tourney. Nomads-Trojans would play on Friday at 2:30, with the winner playing the JoSox on Saturday, followed by the loser playing JoSox right after that. Repeat until a team wins two games (that team is #2). The two other teams play again, with the winner #3 and the loser #4. I don't even want to think about this.

Schedule Update

2008-07-31T18:45:00.005+03:00

Friday, August 1: 10:00 AM: Bezzig & Lezzig @ Slackers 11:30 AM: Nomads @ Slackers (Jordan Cup Final) 1:00 PM: Trojans @ Nomads Since this is a bye for the JoSox, we will ump all the games. Friday, August 8: 10:00 AM: Slackers @ JoSox (Umped by B & L) 11:30 AM: Trojans @ JoSox (Umped by B & L) 1:00 PM: Nomads @ Bezzig & Lezzig (Umped by Trojans) The Tournament will be played on Friday, August 15, as scheduled. The All-Star Game will be played on Saturday, August 16. Important for everyone except Bezzig: The Nomads-Slackers game will not count in the standings. This is just an extra game to determine the winner of the Jordan Cup. It will, however, serve as the tiebreaker in case the two teams end up with the same record. If Trojans-Nomads need a tiebreaker, it will be played on Friday, August 8, at 2:30 PM. Any other tiebreaker(s) will be played on Saturday, August 9, if necessary. Note: The captains have had this info since Saturday, July 26. Here's where each team stands with two games to go: 1. Slackers (5-1): If they win their remaining games, they are the #1 Seed. They cannot finish below #3. 2. JoSox (4-2): Can finish from #1 to #4. 3. Trojans (3-3): Can finish from #2 to #4. 4. Nomads (3-3): Can finish from #1 to #4. 5. Bezzig & Lezzig (0-6): Locked into the #5 Seed. (Look at it this way: B&L is the first team to officially clinch a playoff spot.) Note: The order is based on current standings, through Week 5 (Games of July 25).

Load Up On Canned Goods

2008-07-31T17:54:00.001+03:00

The End of Days is nearly upon us. It must be.

Nomads 24

JoSox 12

No choke job this time. It was all Nomads, from beginning to end.

The Nomads jumped all over the JoSox, right from the start, building an 11-3 lead after two innings and never looking back. The JoSox dugout exhibited none of the confidence of the teams' earlier meeting, when the Sox put up 16 runs in the 5th inning to steal a comeback win. As such, there was little panic in the 'Mads, as they held a commanding 21-7 lead after five.

Batting cleanup and driving his team's offense, Nomads' centerfielder Zaki Ibrahim went 5-for-5 with 5 runs and 5 RBI. Nice day. From the two-hole, third baseman Khaled Rihani went 4-for-4 with 4 runs and 4 RBI, including a sacrifice fly.

Tamara Hawatmeh (far left) and Ghadeer Ibrahim (2nd from right) went from baking to hitting.

In what turned out to be the game's turning point, the JoSox were hoping to induce a double play and limit the damage caused by the Nomads' 2nd inning barage. With two on and one out, Nomads catcher Tamara Hawatmeh came up clutch with a single, which proved to be just the start of her terrific day: 3-for-4 with a run and 3 RBI. Ghadeer Abujudeh-Ibrahim didn't have quite the same day, but she did her part in the 2nd by getting on base and keeping the rally going.

Nomads shortstop Omar Massarweh went 1-for-5 with 2 RBI, but he did manage to get on base regularly, courtesy of 3 JoSox errors. Massarweh also committed three errors on defense, with a fourth error coming on a little A-Rod-style vocal interference from Sox' Ash Samawi. (Omar requested to have his stats in big games published. Careful what you wish for.)

Bezzig & Lezzig Get Swept, Party On

Trojans 21

Bezzig & Lezzig 2

Bezzig & Lezzig 9

Slackers 22

Let's not dwell on the negatives too much. Yes, B&L were swept by the Trojans and Slackers in their doubleheader. The Spitters could have taken a forfeit by the late-rising Trojans. (Insert joke here about a team named after a condom whose players cannot get up when it matters.) But Bezzig & Lezzig put on their Good Sports t-shirts and allowed their foes an extra 20 minutes to assemble their team.

But you know what? Who cares. Proof is in the pic below...

Bezzig Lezzig lost the day, but won the weekend.

Week 4: Loudmouths Lose

2008-07-19T23:19:00.005+03:00

We've talked about Karma around here before.

After one post on these Slogs elicited 80 comments (not including the deleted ones), it appeared that we Sloggers were headed down a dark, dank, dangerous tunnel (Note: Nothing to do with Madonna), the other side of which runs on trash-talking and erotic humor rather than timely hitting and solid defense.

But ultimately, this league runs on Karma.

The blabbering going on within those four-score wit-bombs was basically an ugly threesome. (Note: Imagine the mom from Throw Mama From The Train getting it on with Steve Buscemi and Kathy Bates. There, I just saved you 45 minutes of going through all those comments.) The Nomads started it, Bezzig & Lezzig replied, and the JoSox jumped in. Rinse, repeat.

Ain't no sandwich like a Buscemi sandwich.

Guess which teams lost their following games? Yup. All three teams represented in the insultathon went home losers. Some would argue that they left home losers, too, but that's not what our loved ones keep telling us. (Shame/Disclosure: Three captains were involved, myself included. Cyanide, get in my belly.)

Slackers 21, JoSox 11

Having lost nine straight games to the various teams housing this season's JoSox, the Slackers mainlined iced coffee, snorted foul line chalk, traded some insults amongst each other, put on their Orange mesh, and started hitting.

Scream Leader Walid Abu Hassan went 2-3 with 5 RBI, while Nadim Kayyali and Yazan Barghouti each hit 3-4 with 3 RBI. But the real story was the bottom of the Slackers' order: Laith Abushaar, Tania Jordan, Nada Samawi and Nader Qushair combined to go 10-11 with 10 runs scored. (The girls were a perfect 6 for 6.)

On the JoSox side, Jeff Coupe and Shukri Saleh tried to keep up, with a total of 8-8, 5 runs and 5 RBI. The score was 10-9 after three innings, but the Slack Attack outmuscled the Sox, 11-2, down the stretch.

Since their first season in the league, back in Summer '06, the Slackers have been among the elite, even though they have not won it all. Strictly a family affair, the Orange feature brothers & sisters, husbands & wives, cousins & lifelong friends. They've never recruited or accepted another team's player and always give everyone regular playing time. Ziggy & Schwa have the feeling that Karma has been watching and will soon reward the Slacker Way.

Slackers 21, Nomads 16

After dispatching the JoSox, the Slackers found themselves in the position of playing for first place. Their opponents, the Nomads, were looking to climb from 4th into a tie for 2nd place.

Things appeared to be going the Bedouins' way, as they jumped all over the Slackers to the tune of a 15-4 lead midway through the game. But these are the Nomads, who have been known to blow big leads before--often.

The Slackers remembered who they were playing and put on their patented Orange Crush, finishing the game on a 17-1 (!) tear for a 21-16 triumph, sweeping the toughest double-header any team has faced this summer and confirming that they are the team to beat this season.

Don't believe that last statement? Smoke this: Down the stretch in their two games, the Slackers outscored the JoSox and Nomads by a combined score of 28-3. Twenty-eight to three.

There's a new hammer in town, people, and it's painted Burtuqali. The Nomads, meanwhile, remained in 4th place, while the JoSox dropped to 2nd. Slackers will play Nomads for the rubber game of the Jordan Cup (August 1, will not directly count in the standings) and finish the regular season against the JoSox (August 8).

Trojans 10, Bezzig & Lezzig 9

Searching for their first win of the season, Bezzig & Lezzig found themselves in a tight game with their rivals, the Trojans, who led 3-0 after three innings.

Co-captain Maher Abu Arja took time from pounding the sand with his leg cast and opened up his copy of the ASL rules. Huh, both teams are allowed to hit. And hit they did: 9-3 Bezzig lead midway through the 5th inning.

Trojan co-captain Laith Barhoum then calmly called a timeout and, in a very civil manner, inquired of the league coordinator as to the possibility of there being even a chance that his team might be within the rules if they responded to B&L's offensive outburst. Laith? Offensive outburst? Really?

Given the green light, the Prophos put up four runs in the bottom of the 5th and shut down the Spitters in the top of the 6th inning. Just prior to their final inning turn at bat, the Trojans purchased some carousel tickets. And around they went: Walk, single, walk, single, walk. Two runs in, game tied at 9, and the bases loaded for Saif Barhoum.

Saif can bench press around 250 lbs*. He is one of only a handful of ASL players with true home run power. What's sexier than a walk-off grand slam to beat your most hated rivals? A walk, that's what. Because a walk is the smart play in that situation. And Saif is a smart guy, so he did walk in the winning run, giving his team a 10-9 win and sole possession of 3rd place in the standings.

Unfazed, Bezzig & Lezzig hocked a loogie and headed down to their official team headquarters (Captain Jawad Dabbas' farmhouse in the Jordan Valley) to celebrate. Abu Jeep and his team went all Biblical Locust Plague on anything with an alcohol content, guzzling and swimming until the wee hours of the morning. A couple of their fans joined them (Note: Brooke and I), strictly to document the happenings in a professional and unbiased manner.

*250 lbs. (about 114 kg): That is the exact weight of the woman who knocked on my door the other day, claiming to be starving and begging for my used shoes, so she can sell them to buy food. When I offered her food instead (Note: I am a shoe whore), she turned her back on me and got back in the elevator. It's not like I offered her bacon. Sheesh.

Still trying to get the Buscemi Sandwich out of your head? Good luck with that.

Rivalry Week: Kinder, Gentler

2008-07-17T12:44:00.008+03:00

If you're not a good sport going forward, you may very well be ejected from the game. This is absolutely serious. There will be zero tolerance for arguing & shouting matches. Be civil, please. 10:00 AM JoSox @ Slackers (Umped by Nomads) Temp: 27°-29°C (81°-84°F) Winds: 13-15 km/h (8-10 mph), from West** To completely demean myself by bringing Bon Jovi into the Slogs, only the names will change. Whether it's the Green Monsters, Traitors, or JoSox, the Slackers know who their rivals are. The Green Traitor Sox have won nine of the ten games, with the Slackers managing to snag only the first meeting. Schwa Says: JoSox are living dangerously with all those fly balls. Ziggy Says: Slacker Serenity Sabotages Sox. Oh, and meow. Summer '06 July 21, 2006 (Wk 5): Slackers def. Green Monsters* July 28, 2006 (Wk 6): Green Monsters def. Slackers* Winter '07 Feb 23, 2007 (Wk 4): Green Monsters def. Slackers* Mar 9, 2007 (Wk 6): Green Monsters* def. Slackers Summer '07 June 15, 2007 (Wk 1): Traitors* def. Slackers Aug 10, 2007 (Wk 9): Traitors def. Slackers* Aug 17, 2007 (Tourney Semis): Traitors* 13, Slackers 6 Winter '08 Dec 8, 2007 (Wk 1): Green Monsters 33, Slackers* 11 Feb 9, 2008 (Wk 6): Green Monsters* 19, Slackers 15 Mar 14, 2008 (Tourney Championship): Green Monsters* 16, Slackers 7 11:30 AM Nomads @ Slackers (Umped by JoSox) Temp: 29°-31°C (84°F-88°F) Winds: 14-18 km/h (9-11 mph), from West** It seems like just yesterday that the first Jordan Cup Derby was played. This will be Version 5. The Nomads lead 3-1 all-time. The Slackers started the last meeting with only nine players, and the difference in the outcome was one ten-run inning by the Nomads. Get your aspirin ready. Schwa Says: Break a leg, Massarweh. Ziggy Says: In three places. Summer '07 Jul 13, 2007 (Wk 5): Nomads 14, Slackers* 11 Winter '08 Dec 15, 2007 (Wk 2): Nomads* 18, Slackers 15 Mar 7, 2008 (Wk 10): Slackers* 22, Nomads 21 Summer '08 June 27, 2008 (Wk 2): Nomads* 22, Slackers 13 1:00 PM Bezzig & Lezzig @ Trojans (Umped by Slackers) Temp: 32°-33°C (89°-91°F) Winds: 18-19 km/h (11-12 mph), from West** Last summer, there was a team called Bling Bling. While calling them terrible is an insult to Ivan, they did manage to win one game...by forfeit. Somehow, that one win was split into two teams last season. The Trojans are back for ~~sloppy seconds~~ their second season, continuing to provide safe pleasure for ASL, while last season's 4U2NV squad caught a case of the evil eye and is now known as Bezzig & Lezzig. All-time series is tied at one. Schwa Says: If Bezzig's full roster shows up, they'll be tough to beat. Ziggy Says: Jeff Sillin, Saif Barhoum, Aaron Bouchane. Yikes. Winter '08 Dec 15, 2007 (Wk 2): 4U2NV* 24, Trojans 23 Mar 7, 2008 (Wk 10): Trojans* 18, 4U2NV 12 * Home Team ** Winds from the West blow from left field toward the Clubhouse

Craziest Day In ASL History

2008-07-12T02:05:00.024+03:00

WARNING: Some of this post is Adult Swim. To the easily offended, please go away.

Maher Abu Arja gave it his all.

Such a grand post title, but the men & women of this league sure as heck justified it on Friday, July 11, 2008. This marvelous day deserves a record-breaking entry.

All three games featured last-inning comebacks. That's never happened before. Even more remarkable was that in all three games, it was the visiting team which came back and won. Roll film...

JoSox 24, Nomads 14
(Disclosure: I am the captain of the JoSox.)

Wait, Uncle Mude. That doesn't look like a close game! I never said "close games" -- I said "comebacks." But this game was close early, with the JoSox clinging to a 6-5 lead heading into the bottom of the 4th. That's when the Nomads flexed some desert muscle and piled up nine runs. Nine of the ten-strong bedouin batters reached base in the frame, with brand-new papa Eiad Zoubi doing so twice. The Green Sox of Jordan could only respond with two runs, but held the 'Mads scoreless in the bottom of the 5th. 14-8, Nomads lead, after five.

And that was when the hammer remembered it was the hammer, and the nail remembered it was the nail. Working from the top of the order in their 6th and final inning, the first nine JoSox batters reached base, then the first out came, then it was back to the bases-loaded carousel, with the next four hitters reaching base. During that run, the JoSox hit just two doubles. Aside from two walks, the rest were all singles. JoSox were suddenly up 16-14, and the bases were loaded. Bleed them to death.

Now, you may have missed all the give, the give back, and give some more going on in the days leading up to this game. Let's just say this game meant a lot to JoSox Shukri Saleh and friend-turned-adversary-but-still-friend, Nomad Omar Massarweh. I mentioned the bases were loaded, right? Did I mention Shukri was up to bat?

As two-time ASL home run champ, Shuk may have the reputation as a brash, me-first guy. Not true. He is extremely coachable and a good teammate. He always asks for the "green light" to swing for the fences, and hasn't made it a habit, either on the Sox or when he was a Green Monster, to do so on his own. On his way to his final at-bat against the Nomads, the following exchange took place:

Shuk: "Hey, Mude. Should I go?"
Mude: "Wouldn't be a bad idea."
Shuk: "Brooke, feel like running?"
Brooke, on 3rd base, simply smiles.

16-14 JoSox, bases loaded, 18 km/h wind blowing in from left field. Shukri Saleh channeled the frustrations of the previous two seasons into the rarest gem of this magnificent game: the easy power of a perfect swing. The ball kissed off the bat toward left field at a an arc low enough for the fielders below to be mocked by its travel plans. Like a beautiful girl from a poor, third-world family getting a visa to some far-off, exotic land of opportunity, the ball whistled its way over the heads of the shell-shocked Nomads, as if to say, "I'm getting the hell out of here, and you can't do a damn thing about it."

Grand Slam. Against his old team. And he called it.

There was no fight left in the Nomads. Their home half of the 6th was marked by the seductive comfort of knowing one's place in the world: Nail, meet Hammer.

Notes: JoSox Ali Lejlic and Ash Samawi each went 5-for-5 in the game. Brooke Sartawi is the lucky charm, having never lost to the Nomads. Khaled Rihani of the Nomads went 4-for-4 with 3 runs. Nomads pitcher Saad Kurdi faced 54 batters and walked only 4 (and hit 3-for-4 in the game).

JoSox 12, Bezzig & Lezzig 6

This game started as the evil twin of last season's 4U2NV shocker over the Green Monsters. With the scions of those teams facing off, and with the B & L crew spitting & sticking their way to an early 6-0 lead, it was all just a little bit of history repeating.

But the Green Monsters were most likely drunk that leap day, as usual, and the JoSox had a couple of 4U2NV's secret weapons on their side in starting pitcher Neal Zureikat, who held the Jury-Riggers scoreless after the six-run outburst, and in catcher Maha Swais, who was perfect at the plate and scored the winning run.

You know what? To Jahannam with all that. Let's talk about Maher Abu Arja. Pitching against the two guys who tied for the Home Run Crown last season, Maher allowed Javier "Gunny" Diaz and Shukri Saleh only a single apiece in a combined six plate appearances. Batting in front of those two? The guy who tied for second in the homer race, Ash Samawi. Facing those odds, Maher allowed only six runs on his watch to the JoSox. That's a guy with beidat the size of Saturn right there.

A little background on Young Maher. When he first joined ASL a couple of seasons ago, Maher didn't know how to hold a bat, let alone swing it. His plate appearances were easy comedy, the softball equivalent of "That's what she said" jokes. After striking out a few times on swings that could best be described as Alfonso Soriano getting hit by the short bus, he took a liking to striking out looking. Saved time. On defense, however, his game could best be described by imagining a near-sighted virgin on a prom date with Jenna Jameson. "The equipment before me looks to be of a professional grade," Maher would think to himself, "but I'm not sure what to do with it." A lot of jumping and diving into the wrong places ensued.

Here's the thing, though: Maher loves baseball. He loves to watch the game and track its stats. And he desperately wants to be good at it. So he watches MLB games, many with 2 AM local start times, savoring every nuance of the sport. He downloads videos on batting techniques. He picks the brains of the more experienced players in ASL. And he practices with the devotion of a chanting monk. And it's all paying off, not just with his pitching, which is the rarest of talents in our league, but with his hitting as well. He went 3-for-3 in this game, including his first ever double, and he scored 33% of his team's runs.

On his third at-bat, Maher didn't hit the ball well, and he knew it. So he charged to first base to try to beat the throw, hurling himself at the bag in reckless desperation. He was safe by a hair, but then came the awful scream. Slamming his knee against the hard ground during the dive--and tearing off a chunk of skin--he held onto the base, lest he be tagged out (his head was still in the game), and asked for a time out. Unable to run, Maher was subbed for by a courtesy runner, and he limped off the field in obvious and severe pain.

Then he came back in and pitched to three batters in the next inning. I told you about the Saturn beidat. No joke. That was the gutsiest thing I've seen in our six seasons. No longer able to withstand the pain and not wanting to hurt his team with his immobility, Maher grudgingly left the game, still tied at six. The loss which followed was nobody's fault, but his injury is much more severe than we all feared. And for that, the Softball Gods are to blame. Give us back one of the truly good guys, you feckless overseers of the game. Damnit.

Get well soon, Maher.

Notes: Jeff Coupe went 4-for-4 during the game, which fell on his ~~49th~~ 27th birthday. Happy Brithday, Coupe, and how'd that job interview go? Also, B & L's George Seagle is a helluva ballplayer. Tamy "Stitch" Goudian probably has the best set of batter's eyes in this league. Nobody lets the junk pitches go better than she does.

Slackers 14, Trojans 13

Some levity is needed, no? This game provided it. From the opening bell, your Slogger-in-Chief knew it was going to be a long day. It started off with a new Trojans player (Note: Can we agree to call all new Trojans "rubberlings"?) objected to nearly every call made by the ump (Follow-up Note: Me). Well, not every call. Just the ones that went against his team. Seems fair enough. The essence of his game-long position was this: Players who are obviously "out" should not be called out; they should be issued a warning instead. Hmmm...

Popped up into the waiting glove of an infielder? Give it another try, sport.

Missed home plate while trying to score? Go back and do it again, kiddo.

Struck out? Shucks, here's a warning for now, and the next strike will be the real strike three.

OK, strike four doesn't count, either. But strike five is the really real strike three.

I'm not bitter. Only amused. Making your point by arguing that this is not the World Series, yet arguing every play like it is the damned World Series, simply negates your point. You can look that up in one of those logic charts, I think. Anyway, there are no Mulligans in baseball & softball. Actually, there are a couple. They're called balls and strikes. Those are your warnings. But Rubberlings are awfully cute at that age, aren't they?

(Trivia: What is less than six pages long and carries the title "Amman Softball League: 2008 Rules" on its front page? Wait, did I just give away the answer?)

Now for the fun part. Here are some actual exchanges that occurred between the Slackers:

A player in the Slackers dugout was heckling his teammate during his at-bat. The batter asked for time, stepped out of the box, and told the heckler (his teammate) to "consume feces." This is now known as the "Kol Khara Timeout."

Karim Barghouti, one of the very few sane and rational Slackers, finally reached his breaking point. While on the mound and getting yelled at by one of his outfielders, Karim stepped off the rubber and loudly instructed the offending OFer to carefully place the part of his body which first tastes food into the part of Karim's body which excretes digested food. Then he stepped back on the rubber and threw a strike. This is now known as the "Human Bidet Challenge."

And an oldie but goodie:

Slacker 1 to Slacker 2: "I make reference to your maternal parent's reproductive area!"
Slacker 2 to Slacker 1: "I make reference to your maternal parent's reprodcutive area, you canine!"
Umpire to Slacker 3: "If someone said that to me, I'd kill him."
Slacker 3 to Umpire: "It's OK. They're brothers."

This is now known as the "Kaf Alef Brotherhood"

You can't make this stuff up. Back to the game with a recap: The Trojans were up 8-6 heading into the 6th inning. The visiting Slackers scored three to take a one-run lead, only to allow the Prophos the tying run in the bottom half. Extra inning. Yay. At least it was really hot and dusty out there.

The Slackers settled down in the 7th and put up five more runs. When the Trojans came up for their last shot at the game, they showed some serious heart by loading the bases and quickly bringing in a run. Bases still loaded for Jeff Sillin, who hit a towering Grand Slam against the Nomads in last season's tournament. Ball smoked to deep center. And around they go. One run, two runs, three runs score. The Slackers' lead was down to one, with Muscle Man Bashmaster Saif Barhoum up next and the tying run in the form of Jeff on third--wait, not on third, but rounding third!

The relay throw comes in just to the first-base side of home plate. Karim's in position. He fields it off the ground and dives across the plate to meet the speedy and sliding Jeff. The umpire's eight inches away as their bodies collide.

Out at home. Clean play.

And in the on-deck circle, Saif stood with the bat on his shoulder. Next time.

Howzabouta Sked, Boss?

2008-07-07T23:53:00.005+03:00

Week 3 and beyond, for your swatting pleasure... Friday, July 11, 2008 10:00 AM - JoSox @ Nomads (umped by Bezzig & Lezzig) The Nomads asked for an extra week before playing the JoSox. Request granted. 11:30 AM - JoSox @ Bezzig & Lezzig (umped by Slackers) Ain't no party like a Spit & Stick party 'cuz a Spit & Stick party don't stop. 1:00 PM - Slackers @ Trojans (umped by JoSox) Over/Under on players with a hangover: 9.5 * * * Here's the rest of the schedule, all the way to the Tourney on August 15: Click Here For Full Schedule

Week 2 Results

2008-06-28T16:17:00.003+03:00

~~Sleeper Cells~~ JoSox 22 Trojans 7 Nomads 22 Slackers 13 Nomads 21 Bezzig & Lezzig 7 Schedule: The whole damn league is off for the 4th of July. It must be some kinda holiday or something. Next games are on July 11th. Stay tuned for the schedule, which is being reworked to account for the rescheduled games. Practice: The big field is now available on a daily basis. Please reserve your team's slot in the comments section of this post. If you miss out on your preferred day/time, you may reserve the small field. In the comments, leave: Your Name Your Team The Field (Big or Small) Day, Date & Time of Practice

Summer '08: Week One Results

2008-06-20T21:23:00.008+03:00

Games of Friday, June 20, 2008 ~~Rock Sorters~~ JoSox 19 Bezzig & Lezzig* 5 Bezzig & Lezzing are still, um, cohering, so the Rock Sorters (Note: Temporary name) feel fortunate to come out with a win. Ziggy & Schwa agree that B & L's best days are ahead of them. Sorters' Kevin woke up before 10 AM in Michigan to find out the result. See, to be a Rock Sorter, you have to be dedicated...to sorting rocks. Trojans 12 Nomads 11 The Trojans continue their dominance over the Nomads, making it two straight over the No-Shuks, going back to last season's playoffs. The Nomads stuck an "IV" at the end of their name, because, well, they are a dynasty. But after this game, they just needed an IV to replenish all those lost fluids. The Trojans appear to have climbed to the elite level of ASL's teams. Slackers 20 Trojans 12 The Slackers didn't yell. Were they missing a player? Seriously, is Wally Abu Hassan even in the country? Is Rocky Abushaar in some Zen meditation program? The Trojans chipped away at the Slackers' first-inning, 10-run barrage, but the Mighty Orange held the Prophos off for the win. The Slackers offense is as potent as ever, and their defense is getting solid. *** It's early, but you cannot keep the cats quiet. Here are Ziggy & Schwa's thoughts on who has a chance at winning it all this season: Slackers: 2-1 Trojans: 3-1 ~~Rock Sorters~~ JoSox: 7-2 Nomads: 8-1 Bezzig & Lezzig: 9-1 *Bezzig means "spit" (verb) & Lezzig means "stick (as in to paste)" (verb). This is basically the Arabic phrase for "jury-rig."

Summer '08 Opening Day

2008-06-18T15:12:00.009+03:00

Friday, June 20, 2008 10 AM: Jawaher or the Dragons or Formerly 4U2NV @ The Team in White Featuring Le Freak (UPDATE 7/7/08: This ends up being Bezzig & Lezzig @ JoSox) 11:30 AM: No-mads IV No-Shukri @ Trojans 1:00 PM: Trojans @ Slackers Registration: Please get with your captains and be sure you pay your registration fee this Friday, June 20. ASL will not chase people down: IF YOU DON'T PAY, YOU WON'T PLAY. Bats: After some research, many of the bats we thought were illegal are actually legal. (Saif's home run stands!) If you wish to buy a bat for personal use, please make sure that it is STAMPED with ASA's approval. (What is NOT OK: NSA, USSSSSSSSA, ISA, "Official Softball," etc.) Only ASA bats going forward. This has been in our rules since we started Amman Softball League. It's a safety issue. No whining about it, please. (Blame Eyad Zoubi of the Nomads for being the first person in ASL's six seasons to ever ask the ump to check the legality of a bat. And this was after a home run during a freaking scrimmage game.) Sportsmanship: If you want to complain about a call during a game, hold your tongue. Be cool and don't embarrass yourself or the league. Finally: READ THE RULES. They're the same as last season. (Look in the Downloadables section, on the right. UPDATE: The link has been fixed. Thanks, Karim! A single click will now take you to the download page.) Good luck, play hard and be safe. It's wide open this season. Anyone can take the trophy.

Summer League '08

2008-05-26T16:49:00.002+03:00

Hey Kids... Amman Softball League's Summer Season will begin on June 13. If you were a captain during the Winter '08 Season, expect an email with info to hop into your inbox tomorrow morning (May 27). If you're new to ASL and wish to participate, either by joining a team or forming a new one, please use the contact info (in the sidebar of this page...over there, to the right) to contact me. Please don't send a text message, though. I hate that crap. Players who are at least 18 years old are welcome. Children, however, can go do what children do here in Jordan: Disturb my nap time, throw junk food wrappers in the street, and generally act like a walking ad for birth control. Happy Swingin'!

Green Monsters - Humiliation

2008-03-29T18:26:00.002+03:00

No, not the 4U2NV game. This time, we do it to ourselves... For best results, make sure the volume on your surround sound speakers is cranked to 11. Then, disconnect the speakers before playing the clip.

Alter Ego

2008-03-24T03:21:00.000+02:00

Tighty Whitey Tourney Recap

2008-03-17T12:34:00.004+02:00

Green Monsters: Three-time Champs.

Round 1:
4U2NV 12, Hit Squad 11
Trojans 20, Nomads 16

Semis:
Slackers 26, 4U2NV 13
Green Monsters 22, Trojans 14

Championship:
Green Monsters 16, Slackers 7

Coming up ~~this~~ next week:

Full, Team-By-Team Season Recap

Video Highlight of the Season

All-Star Game Recap

History of Amman Softball League

Summer 2008 Season Info

If you have pics or video you'd like to have included, please email me. The email address is on the right side of the Slogs.

Tourney Preview

2008-03-13T17:32:00.001+02:00

This is all you're going to get...

Tourney Time

2008-03-07T23:59:00.001+02:00

Tournament Schedule

(Games limited to 70 minutes each, except Championship) FRIDAY, MARCH 14, 2008 Round 1: 9:00 AM #5 Hit Squad @ #4 4U2NV 10:15 AM #6 Trojans @ #3 Nomads Semis: 11:45 AM: Higher Seeded Round 1 Winner @ #2 Slackers 1:00 PM: Lower Seeded Round 1 Winner @ #1 Green Monsters Championship: 2:30 PM: Semis Winners Play Each Other (Higher Seed is Home Team) THE ALL-STAR GAME IS SET FOR SATURDAY, MARCH 15, 11 AM - 1 PM.

By popular request, Ziggy & Schwa will have a Tourney Preview on Thursday. Week 10 Results: Trojans 18, 4U2NV 12 Slackers 22, Nomads 21 Green Monsters 42, Hit Squad 11

Tater Tots

2008-03-07T23:53:00.005+02:00

Congratulations to Javier "Gunny" Diaz and Shukri "Freak" Saleh, who share the Winter 2008 Home Run crown. Both bashers fell one shy of tying former Green Monster Mike Moore for the record, which Mike set in Winter 2007. (He hit his five blasts in an 8-game season, and we've since gone to 10.) The 24 home runs that the 12 guys combined for is easily a record for one season. Smashed the old total by so much, it's not even worth mentioning. Testing for steroids, HGH, and spiked mansaf will be implemented next season. Here's your final tally: 4: Javier "Gunny" Diaz, Green Monsters Shukri "Freak" Saleh, Nomads 3: Aaron Bouchane, Trojans Ash Samawi, Green Monsters 2: Saif Barhoum, Trojans Brent Hill, Hit Squad 1: Yazan Barghouti, Slackers Jeff Coupe, Green Monsters Zaki Ibrahim, Nomads Nadim Kayyali, Slackers Larry Martin, Hit Squad Mark McPherson, Hit Squad Player Notes: Green Monsters' Brooke Sartawi led all women with five inside-the-park home runs. Her teammate Kevin Rowlson led the league in homers allowed with, like, sixty. The Trojans' Saif Barhoum joined Mark McPherson as the only players in ASL history to hit Grand Slams. (Mark did it in Winter 2007 for the Beats.) Do you remember when Larry Martin led the league in homers this season? He did, and for quite a long time. 4U2NV's Jafar Dabbas and Omar Abu Abdelsamad each missed hitting one out by less than five feet during Week 10. Ash Samawi out-homered his former team, 3-2. There is no effective way to pitch around Aaron Bouchane and Brent Hill; they both can hit anything. Cheers to Nadim Kayyali for representing the Little Guys. ASL's first champs, Glock Therapy (Summer 2005) did not have one home run all that season. The last remaining player from that team is Hit Squad's Chris Hattayer, who is due for one this season. Random Notes: Tournament stats, including homers, are separate, just like they are in every sport ... Green Monsters led the league in team home runs with 8 ... Only one team did not have at least one home run hitter (4U2NV), but only one team beat the Green Monsters (4U2NV) ... Five of the top six sluggers had multi-homer days ... Finally, FYI: CLICKITY (Clip #1 from the "As Seen on the Broadcast" section on the right. Watch for the second guy they catch.)

MONSTER SLAYERS!

2008-03-01T23:25:00.010+02:00

4U2NV outshone the Monsters in all facets of the game: Offense, Defense, Heart.

Week 9's Games:

4U2NV 19, Green Monsters 8

Slackers 23, Hit Squad 8

Nomads 17, Trojans 15

Week 7's Games (Rainout Makeup):

Green Monsters 22, Nomads 6

Slackers 27, Trojans 18

Hit Squad 27, 4U2NV 13

Home Runs on the weekend of Feb. 29 & Mar. 1:

Saif Barhoum, Trojans (Grand Slam)
Gunny Diaz, Green Monsters

Zaki Ibrahim, Nomads

Mark McPherson, Hit Squad

Shukri Saleh, Nomads

Playoff Scenarios:

1. Green Monsters have clinched the #1 Seed for the Tourney.
2/3. The winner of Nomads @ Slackers on March 7 will be #2 Seed; loser is #3.
4/5. If 4U2NV & Hit Squad have the same result in their respective games on March 7 (both win or both lose), a tiebreaker game will be needed to determine the #4/#5 Seeds.
6. Trojans are locked into the #6 Seed.

Week 10, Regular Season Finale
Friday, March 7, 2008:

10:00 AM - 4U2NV @ Trojans (Umps: 2 Slackers)
11:30 AM - Nomads @ Slackers (Umps: 1 Monster + 1 Trojan)
1:00 PM - Hit Squad @ Green Monsters (Umps: 2 Nomads)
2:30 PM - Hit Squad/4U2NV Tiebreaker (If Necessary)

(We'll honor 4U2NV's accomplishment soon.)

Double Headers

2008-02-27T10:34:00.005+02:00

With temps in the low-to-mid 60's this weekend and a week to make up, let's play two. Friday, Feb. 29 (Note the goofy start times): 9:30 AM: Hit Squad @ 4U2NV (Umps: Slackers)* 11:00 AM: Slackers @ Hit Squad (Umps: 4U2NV + Green Monsters) 12:30 PM: Green Monsters @ Nomads (Umps: Hit Squad)* 2:00 PM: 4U2NV @ Green Monsters (Umps: Nomads) Saturday, March 1: 10:00 AM: Trojans @ Slackers (Umps: Nomads)* 11:30 AM: Trojans @ Nomads (Umps: Slackers) * Week 7 makeup games.

Taters

2008-02-24T21:57:00.003+02:00

How about a record nine home runs in one day? That's what we had on Friday, February 22, 2008. Welcome back, Freak. Nomads' Shukri Saleh responded to the challenge and put himself in a tie for the home run chase...in three at-bats. Green Monster Ash Samawi became the first player to homer for two different teams during the same season...and he did it on the same day. (One for his team and one for Hit Squad.) His teammate Javier "Gunny" Diaz kept up with a bomb of his own. Yet another Monster, Jeff Coupe, sent one into orbit--just 'cuz it looked like it'd be enjoyable. Who the heck does Nadim Kayyali think he is? The Slacker went yard in the morning game, which means you should be on the lookout for beasts out of the sea and earth. And don't forget about the talking trees. The Trojans have a beast of their own in Aaron Bouchane. The rookie absolutely crushed a meatball into the lot behind left field. Now can someone please explain why Aaron was batting seventh? As always, only "real" homers count. The record for a total season (including the tourney) is 6, by Shukri Saleh (Nomads, Summer 2007). The record for a regular season tally is 5, by Mike Moore (Green Monsters, Winter 2007). Here's the way the Home Run Race looks through Feb. 22: 3: Javier "Gunny" Diaz, Green Monsters Shukri Saleh, Nomads Ash Samawi, Green Monsters 1: Yazan Barghouti, Slackers Saif Barhoum, Trojans Aaron Bouchane, Trojans Jeff Coupe, Green Monsters Nadim Kayyali, Slackers Larry Martin, Hit Squad 0: Omar Massarweh, Nomads Tiny "Yeah, I'll Be There" Saleh, 4U2NV Honorable Mention: We haven't had a woman hit one out yet, but Green Monsters' Brooke Sartawi has come closer than anyone else, falling only about 15 feet short in the Week 3 game against the Nomads. With Zaki Ibrahim playing left field on the 150' arc, Brooke sailed one roughly 130' over his shocked head, a 280' single-bouncer to the left-field fence. In retaliation for my wife's attack on him with her bat, Zaki had his wife, Ghadeer, attack me with her cell phone. (Note: Brooke does have three inside-the-park homers this season, all of them screamers.) Hopefully I don't have to sleep on the couch again. ;)

Ketchup

2008-02-24T21:44:00.003+02:00

Catching up on all the results from the last three game days... WEEK 8 (Feb. 22, 2008): Slackers 47, 4U2NV 7 Nomads 19, Hit Squad 8 Green Monsters 31, Trojans 16 WEEK 6 (Feb 8 & 9, 2008): Nomads 32, 4U2NV 14 Trojans 7, Hit Squad 1 Green Monsters 19, Slackers 15 WEEK 5 (Feb 8 & 9, 2008): Nomads 23, Trojans 20 Slackers 29, Hit Squad 28 Green Monsters 24, 4U2NV 9 Week 7 will be played as part of a Friday/Saturday double-header this weekend, along with Week 9's games. Your captains were given the details on when each team plays. The schedule will be updated and posted as soon as we sort out the umping assignments.

Rainout = Naughty Time

2008-02-14T13:35:00.003+02:00

The games of Friday, February 15, have been postponed due to rain (and mud). Next week's games will be played as scheduled on February 22, and we'll make up the rained out games later this month. Next Games, Friday, Feb 22: 10:00 AM: Slackers @ 4U2NV (Umped by Hit Squad) 11:30 AM: Nomads @ Hit Squad (Umped by Monsters + 4U2NV) 1:00 PM: Green Monsters @ Trojans (Umped by Nomads) Get naughty with your sweetheart today. Sleep it off tomorrow.

Week 5.5: A Legend Is Born

2008-02-08T18:47:00.000+02:00

History was made today by Hit Squad's Mailyn Magpanty when she became Amman Softball League's first ever female pitcher. She didn't just pitch, either. Mailyn only gave up seven runs in a complete game, had four strikeouts, two unassisted putouts and, as usual, did well with the bat. Hit Squad couldn't get the win for her, but we are all very proud of the way Mailyn played today. We'll have some video featuring a couple of those strikeouts very soon. Welcome to Legend Status, Mailyn! The full results from Friday, Feb. 8 (Details to follow soon): Nomads 32, 4U2NV 14 Nomads 23, Trojans 20 Trojans 7, Hit Squad 1

Shbotmahlorbot: Weeks 5 & 6 Preview

2008-02-06T17:31:00.001+02:00

Before the previews, please heed this bit of advice: Stop cursing, yelling and arguing. It's been getting progressively worse, and I will personally take the blame for that. But from now on, the response from the League will be just as ugly as the acts of bad sportsmanship. -Mude It's time for some separation. After this weekend, each team will have played the other five teams at least once. All ties will be broken. And with two games each, now is the time to set the tone for the home stretch of the season. Who rules ASL?

If you want the full schedule, constantly updated to match the weather, go to the Downloadables section, below the Standings in the green column.

Friday, Feb. 8: 10:00 AM: 4U2NV @ Nomads (Umps: Trojans) The Nomads got a lot younger lately. Will they bring coloring books and crayons to keep their new members occupied? Envy look to avenge the loss they suffered the last time they went up against the 'Mads, but they'll have to do it without Jiries Azar, who starts a three-game suspension for starting a fight. Last meeting: Nomads 30, 4U2NV 2 (Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: The Youth prevail. Nomads by 6. 11:30 AM: Nomads @ Trojans (Umps: Hit Squad) The Trojans look to start a winning streak with some new players. If that happens, we're hearing rumblings that Nomads captain Omar Massarweh will have the "C" ripped off his chest by Zaki "Crank Yanker" Ibrahim, who pulled a first when he argued against a called strike by citing the very rule that made it a strike. Ziggy & Schwa say: What does that "C" stand for, Rofelio? Trojans by 1. 1:00 PM: Trojans @ Hit Squad (Umps: Nomads) A tough double-header for the kids from Troy, but we hear they have some "builders" coming in. Could the Trojan Horse's historical role get reversed and help them win? It all depends on which Hit Squad shows up -- the Hittin' one or the Sittin' one. Last meeting: Hit Squad 19, Trojans 14 (7 innings, Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: We smell an upset. Trojans by 2. Saturday, Feb. 9: 10:00 AM: Hit Squad @ Slackers (Umps: Green Monsters) Hit Squad is coming off a stirring comeback against the Nomads, while the Slackers just had home run hitter Yazan Barghouti suspended for one game for swinging his handbag at a player who who threw three punches from 40 centimeters away and didn't land any. Before you think there might be misbehavin' in this game, look who's umping. Ziggy & Schwa say: Curse once and we'll snack on your entrails. Hit Squad by 3. 11:30 AM: Slackers @ Green Monsters (Umps: 4U2NV) A couple of teams fancy themselves the rivals of the Green Monsters, but there is no more heated derby than when the Green & Orange collide. Just ask Northern Ireland. Or Ash Samawi, who goes up against friends and family with "Ex-Slacker" across the back of his Monsters jersey. Even Ash's lovely wife, fellow ex-Slacker and current Monster Abeer Kayali, still hates the Green so much, she hasn't even shown up for a game yet. Fact: The last team (still playing) to have beaten the Monsters? Slackers, back in July, 2006. Last meeting: Green Monsters 33, Slackers 11 (Week 1) Ziggy & Schwa say: Over/Under on Walid Abu Hassan + Rocky Abu Shaar outbursts: 2. 1:00 PM: Green Monsters @ 4U2NV (Umps: Slackers) Research just in has confirmed that 4U2NV is the first ASL team to have a fancy design in the fabric of their team jerseys. I'm not saying it makes them look soft. I'm saying I envy it. Harar Mismar talked some smack about his Envy team taking the Monsters to the wood shed. Let's hope he and Hussam Arafah say some extra prayers this week. Ziggy & Schwa say: Dirty Water, baby. Green Monsters by 6.

Don't Look to Al Gore--Look to Al Ghor

2008-01-30T08:02:00.000+02:00

The pre-dawn raid began at about 2:00 AM

AMMAN (Kurret Al-Qaeda Press Release) - This Friday's games are postponed due to a Zionist conspiracy which began in the Jordan Valley with supersecret Israeli flies infesting Jordan's peace-loving manure mounds and sinks to a new historical low with today's brazen snow attack.

The odd weather pattern seen in Jordan over the past few years can be explained not by scientific hypothesis and research, but by blaming our neighbors and leaving the rest in God's hands. I call on all my Arab and Muslim brothers and sisters to confront this assault on our innocence with heavy boots, strong shovels and long underwear. Gather your heaps and let us create the Mother of All Snowballs. Our day of retaliation is nigh!

Somehow, some way, you just know that the Americans are behind all this. Probably financing.

The attack intensified as daylight broke and the snowflakes could better see their targets

Update: The revised schedule is now in its own post (the next newest post after this one).

Chicks Dig Long Balls (Not Short Tempers)

2008-01-25T17:57:00.000+02:00

WEEK 4 RECAP

After four (FOUR!) homers were hit today, it is with great pride that ASL posts the home run leaderboard*:

2: Javier "Gunny" Diaz (Green Monsters)
1: Larry Martin (Hit Squad), Saif Barhoum (Trojans), Yazan Barghouti (Slackers)
0: Shukri Saleh (Nomads); tied with approximately 100 others, including Omar Massarweh

*Only out-of-the-park home runs count, not inside-the-park ones.

Game 1:
Hit Squad 12, Nomads 10

Another heartbreaker for the Nomads, who took a 9-4 lead into the bottom of the 5th inning. Hit Squad stormed back with 8 runs in the home half and held on for the win. The result was upheld by the League despite Hit Squadder Daniel Rubenstein accusing the Commish of being on the juice. (It's more like fruit juice...out of a sippy cup--with a side of deep-fried chocolate.)

Game 2:
Green Monsters 20, Trojans 8

Monster Javier Diaz and Trojan Saif Barhoum put on their own private home run derby, with Gunny edging out Saif, 2-1. All three homers were way out of the park. Green Monsters extend their lead over the rest of the league, but the never-say-die Trojans are due for a turnaround very soon.

Game 3:
Slackers 35, 4U2NV 3

Thanks to the Trojans' Maher "Don Juan" Abu Arja and Mohammed "Barry White" Zalatimo for umping the game and helping to contain the fight that broke out. We won't name either player involved just yet, but aside from being ejected, suspensions for each have also been handed down. (Note: This is all true, sadly.) As for the game, will Karma come back and get the Slackers for running up the score? (Hint: It's never failed before.)

Update, Jan. 26, 2:20 PM: I just received a phone call from one of those testy, easily offended, politically correct types, expressing extreme displeasure at my "lack of manners." Apparently, it was the headline of this very Slogs post that sent the caller into a tizzy-tantrum. The caller didn't even have the courtesy to say "goodbye," opting instead to just hang up on me. (Speakin' about manners, huh?) It sounded more like a lame practical joke/crank call gone unfunny. Anyway, as you can see, I've edited for content and clarity.

Here's the Nike commercial, which the headline plays on...

Baby chickens (chicks) + a record four home runs hit in one day (long balls) + our first ever fight (short tempers) = Welcome to the Slogs, Sensitive. (Feel better now?)

Week 4 Preview: Is That A Toe?

2008-01-24T16:46:00.000+02:00

Khaled Rihani's injured big toe. (VOTE in the upper right of this page!)

In case you haven't heard, we're on for tomorrow's games.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Game 1 - 10:00 AM:
Nomads @ Hit Squad
(Umped by 2 Green Monsters)

The Nomads are coming off a tough loss, while Hit Squad are coming off a...long weekend. Playing without Shukri Saleh and Saad Kurdi, the Nomads will try to get back on track against a well-rested Hit Squad who will bring the power of their new uniforms and the return of captains Chris Hattayer and Mark McPherson.

Ziggy & Schwa's Official Line: Assassins are sexy. Hit Squad by 3.

Game 2 - 11:30 AM:
Trojans @ Green Monsters
(Umped by 2 Slackers)

Both teams have been living dangerously this season, with the Monsters having similar games as the Trojans, but better results. The Greenies have won their last two games by one run each, but the Trojans have lost all three of their games in extra innings. Trojan Maher Abu Arja took it especially hard, so he will have to summon the memory of his favorite romantic lead male character to help his team.

Ziggy & Schwa's Official Line: Who feeds us? Monsters by 4.

Game 3 - 1:30 PM:
4U2NV @ Slackers
(Umped by 2 Trojans)

The regression of the Slackers worries the Slogs. The perennial contenders have fallen on hard times lately, but a gutsy 7-inning win against the Trojans last week might be the boost they've been looking for. 4U2NV are the Cinderella team of the season so far, and new member Joe Roos brings experience and strategy to ASL's NewKids.

Ziggy & Schwa's Official Line: We love 4U2NV (but)...Slackers by 6.

Week 3 Tighty Whitey Recap

2008-01-19T09:07:00.000+02:00

Game 1 4U2NV 1, Hit Squad 0 (Forfeit) Game 2 Green Monsters 15, Nomads 14 Game 3 Slackers 17, Trojans 15 (7 innings) Standings after 3 weeks:

1. Green Monsters 3-0
2. Nomads                    2-1
3. 4U2NV                      2-1
4. Hit Squad                1-2
4. Slackers                   1-2
6. Trojans                   0-3

Week 3 Preview: Playing Nice With Our Hosts

2008-01-16T20:52:00.000+02:00

WEEK 3, V1.2 - FRIDAY, JANUARY 18th: 11:30 AM: 4U2NV @ Hit Squad (Umps: 2 from Green Monsters) 1:00 PM: Nomads @ Green Monsters (Umps: 2 from Hit Squad) 2:30 PM: Slackers @ Trojans (Umps: 1 Nomad + 1 Green Monster) The slight change to the schedule is due to Little League needing the fields this Friday morning for soccer tournament team tryouts. (I found out about an hour before posting this, but we have a nice relationship with ALLA, so no biggie.) We simply moved the first game to the afternoon, so only two teams are affected. Let's hope Massarweh doesn't imagine a conspiracy theory here...although there probably is one. I'll add some of Ziggy and Schwa's musings on each game a little later. They're still gathering their thoughts.

The Puddle Monster Strikes

2008-01-10T10:33:00.000+02:00

Damn puddles. We're pushing this week's games from Friday, January 11th to next Friday, January 18th. Here are the games: WEEK 3 - FRIDAY, JANUARY 18th: 10:00 AM: Slackers @ Trojans (Umps: 2 from 4U2NV) 11:30 AM: 4U2NV @ Hit Squad (Umps: 2 from Slackers*) 1:00 PM: Nomads @ Green Monsters (Umps: 2 from Hit Squad) * The Slackers are umping the 11:30 AM game in exchange for the Nomads' Week 2 favor. The rest of the schedule will be published after consulting with the captains.

Monsters Slouch Towards Slogway Park

2007-12-18T19:51:00.000+02:00

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
W.B. Yeats - The Second Coming

Green Monsters 21, Hit Squad 20

It's Holiday time, and your Slogger is feelin' apocalyptic. When an Amman Softball League team flies in a player from another country to play in one game against their hated rivals, you know the end is near. And when that player hits three home runs, including one out-of-the-park shot, and nearly carries his team to victory, you might as well assume that the end has already come.

Larry Martin dropped in from Baghdad, on his way back home to the US, making his dramatic return to ASL with those taters. All three of his Hit Squad rounders were hit at, near, or above my wife, the lovely Brooke Sartawi. Why so mean, Larry? Brooke did have the last laugh, though, as her team won, with Monsters shortstop Dan McEwan going 5-for-5 with 4 runs and 6 RBI's. [Disclosure: I'm the Monsters co-captain, so I'll keep the game "commentary" to a minimum.]

Hit Squad were up 6-5 after the 1st inning and 12-7 after three. The Green Monsters went on a 14-2 run in the 4th & 5th to take a 21-14 lead, before holding on for the 21-20 win. Some key performers included Hit Squad's Ali Lejlic (4-4, IPHR) and Greenie Tom Manning (5-5, 2 3B's). Green Monsters are now tied for first place, while Hit Squad drop into a tie for third.

Hit Squad co-captain Mark McPherson is trying to get Larry back in town for the Tournament in March. The Monsters are all for it, but how funny would it be if he did move mountains to return, only to have that day's games get rained out? The over/under on the level of Funny is currently "Very," so place your bets.

Larry Martin and Nuri Al-Maliki, beer league buddies.

Larry tried to teach softball to his Iraqi counterparts, but I'm not sure they got it. Here are Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Al-Maliki's Top Ten Softball Tips:

10. Split your softball team into three autonomous teams; kill each other.
9. Send your players to a softball training camp. When they return, kill them.
8. Send 10% of your roster to other teams, thus driving up their cost of living.
7. Buy a Mercedes for each of your players, then claim poverty and have the other teams pay your entry fee.
6. Replace 1st base with a land mine. If your base coach gets hurt, blame Iran.
5. When one of your players reaches 2nd base, issue a statement claiming victory is at hand.
4. When he's thrown out at 3rd, blame Syria.
3. Allow your fans to rush the field during the game and attack your opponent with bats. But to show you're really a good sport, allow each attacker to carry only one bat.
2. Claim your opponent's score is exaggerated because the scorekeeper cannot possibly know the reality of of how softball affects you.
1. If all else fails, blame Kurret al-Qaeda.

One Win, Two Win, Red Win, Blue Win...and 'Roid Rage

2007-12-18T19:21:00.000+02:00

Where do they come from? I can't say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.
Dr. Seuss - One Fish Two Fish

4U2NV 24, Trojans 23 (7 Innings)

4U2NV celebrate their first win with some...fruit juice and granola.

What a fantastic game. When a handful of Bling Bling's players broke ranks and created the Trojans, with the rest of the Blingers regrouping to form 4U2NV, an instant rivalry was born.

It was a back-and-forth nailbiter, with Saif Barhoum's defectors holding on to a 21-18 lead going into the bottom of the 6th inning. Team Envy would not be denied, though, and they rallied to tie the game and force that extra inning.

As they had all game, the Trojans rose to the occasion behind the bats of Laith Masri and Laith Barhoum, re-taking the lead, 23-21, before giving Envy their at-bats. All week, the Gheereh bunch emphasized patience and plate discipline. That strategy paid off with walk after walk, including captain Neal Zureikat being forced home with the winning run on Ball Four.

Kevin Rowlson filled in for absent Envy pitcher King Khaled. The Trojans were good sports about it. But then Kevin got hurt, and Santa/Freak Shukri Saleh stepped in. The Trojans protested, offering to allow Shuk to pitch, but not bat. All or nothing were the choices they were given, and being good sports, they went with all. But as co-captain Laith Barhoum said, "One player shouldn't have made the difference."

And it wasn't just that one player. 4U2NV's women, Tamara Goudian with her stellar outfield defense, and Suzy Sawalha and Maha Swais with their disciplined bats, all played great games. For their part, the Trojans have one of the best female players in the league in Wajiha Husseini.

During the post-game celebration, 4U2NV's co-captain Jawad Dabbas delivered a clasic line at the expense of his fallen foes: "The Trojans are so ineffective, they should change their name to the Morning After Pills."

It could have been worse, though, as the Trojans could have gone with a different brand:

Given the options, I'd say Trojans were the right choice.

Nomads 18, Slackers 15

This would have been the space where details of the game were provided, but there is some disturbing news breaking right now. Shukri Saleh, last season's Home Run Champ (and ASL's career HR leader), has been included in a special addendum to the Mitchell Report.

When reached for comment, Shukri denied the allegations and challenged the accusers to test him. "They just want to take down the champ," said a defiant Shuk. "Test me. I'll give blood samples, hair, poop, whatever you want."

So confident of his skills, Shukri offered to swing a wooden bat from now on--while in handcuffs.

In the most damning part of the report, Shuk's former personal trainer, Manfookh Abu Adallat, is quoted as saying, "If one of his teammates sniffed Shukri's armpits, that player would fail a steroids test. That's how 'roided up he is."

Speaking of Shuk's teammates, was that 'Roid Rage by Nomads captain Omar Massarweh after he was called out at 3rd base against the Slackers? Omar could not be reached for comment, but a source close to him opined that it was not very likely.

"I wish Omar were on steroids," said the source, on condition of anonymity. "When he goes to a healthy restaurant, he dips the lettuce in mayonnaise. I doubt he's juicing."

When a third Nomad was linked to steroids, he seemed at first to confess. The player, who will not be mentioned because he was exonerated by a proctologist, was asked if we was "on the 'roids."

"Aywa, mazboot," he replied. "Walla hal bawaseer gatlatni."

Week 2 Results: Tighty Whitey Edition

2007-12-16T20:23:00.000+02:00

Your humble Slogger has to get in a better mood. I'll add more details as soon as that happens, and hopefully some of it will be amusing. It was a day full of great, tight games, with the lowest combined margin of victory for three games in our five-season history. Green Monsters 21, Hit Squad 20 Nomads 18, Slackers 15 4U2NV 24, Trojans 23 (7)

Week Two Preview: Old Friends Meet Again

2007-12-14T08:45:00.000+02:00

It's Rivalry Week, kids. Three games, three opportunities for absolute mayhem. 10:00 AM - Green Monsters @ Hit Squad (Umps: Slackers) The two teams share a common ancestor in 2005's Intruders. Renamed the Green Monsters the following summer, several of the current players from both these teams won that season's championship together. The next season, the Monsters essentially split into three teams: the Beats, along with the Sluggos--who lost the championship game to (you guessed it) the Green Monsters. The Sluggos and Beats are in the arms of History now, with Hit Squad being the latest team to try to knock off their distant Green cousins. We hear that ringers are being flown in from all corners of the globe. It'll be intense, for sure. 11:30 AM - Slackers @ Nomads (Umps: 4U2NV) The Jordan Derby pits Amman Softball League's two best teams with all-local roots--and easily the highest collective blood pressure in any game you'll see this season. The first game between these impassioned rivals was tight until the Slackers lost control of their emotions and gave the game away. But the Slackers have to be wondering if the Nomads have looked past this game. With all the trash talking going on between the 'Mads and a team they're not even playing this week, have the Bedouins already chalked this one up as a win? 1:00 PM - Trojans @ 4U2NV (Umps: Hit Squad) Of all the possible scenarios going into this season, I don't think anyone could have predicted that Bling Bling would split into two teams. But they did, and there is now some bad blood between the Trojans and 4U2NV. Trojans captain Saif Barhoum, himself a Blingvet, hand-picked a few former teammates and, along with brother and team screamer Laith, put together a new team. This left the other Blingers sad and homeless. That is, until Neal Zureikat put together 4U2NV, a team with great potential and women who can seriously play the game. And now they're all trying to burst the Trojans bubble.

Week One Results: Blood Follows Rain

2007-12-08T20:49:00.000+02:00

A couple of massacres during Week One -- and a nice comeback that needed an extra inning before it reached the FDA-recommended internal cooking temperature. DEC. 8, 2007: Nomads 30, 4U2NV 2 Hit Squad 19, Trojans 14 (7 innings) Green Monsters 33, Slackers 11 A few notes: * 4U2NV does not exist just for you to envy. They exist for you, too, Nevada. * Them Nomads look tough. Last year's home run champ was freakin' pitching for them. * The Trojans could not protect a lead. Punsters, have fun in the comments section. * Hit Squad has heart. On such a large team, great things will happen if the pecking order is decided by game skills. * The Slackers just want to say: Yil3an abu umm jamal sittek fi sitteen surmayeh! * The Green Monsters have reloaded. Come get us.

Let's Beat Up On Each Other, Eh?

2007-12-04T14:43:00.000+02:00

We had some fun with the preseason exhibition warming up crap, but it's time the games counted for something. Amman Softball League will kick off regular season play for the Winter League this Saturday, December 8th. Here's your schedule: 10:00 AM: Nomads @ 4U2NV (Umps: 2 Trojans) 11:30 AM: Hit Squad @ Trojans (Umps: 2 Nomads) 1:00 PM: Green Monsters @ Slackers (Umps: 2 Hit Squad) PLEASE show up with competent people to umpire when it's your turn. This is your league. ---------------------------------------------- The revised rules, team registration form and the rest of the schedule are all available for you to download in the Slogs Downloadables, in the green sidebar on the right of your screen. From the new rules, which were approved by all the captains, comes the following nugget: Warm-ups: We’re having none of it between innings. Please switch quickly and be ready to play. The schedule for warm-ups, using the small field, breaks down thusly: •Game 1 (10:00 AM): Visitors get small field prior to game time; Home may use big field. •Game 2 (11:30 AM): Visitors get small field from 10:00-10:40; Home from 10:40-11:20. •Game 3 (1:00 PM): Visitors get small field from 11:30-12:10; Home from 12:10-12:50. •Game 4 (2:30 PM): Visitors get small field from 1:00-1:40; Home from 1:40-2:20. This is crucial for managing our limited game time. Please do not bring balls out to the infield between innings. Little League is having some baseball activities on Fridays this month, so the big field will not be available for practice on those days. You may, however, use the small field on any day, provided you reserve a spot in the comments section of THIS POST, which will be valid for THIS WEEK. Cool? (There will be a practice reservation post every week.) NOTE: On behalf of Mark, Hit Squad has the small field for practice this Friday, Dec. 7, from Noon-2 PM. Everyone else, please use the comments section. And another thing: Teams may add an extra Extra Hitter this season. If you use two EH's, at least one must be a female. Finally: Please read the rules.

Looking Forward (And Back)

2007-11-29T10:00:00.000+02:00

Hey kids. Softball's back. Season 5, and we'll be better than the 5th seasons of "The Sopranos" and "24" combined. (Reminder: Vito + Dammit.) See? We're better already. We'll kick off with some preseason warmup games this Saturday, December 1st, at ALLA (where we played in the summer). Here's your sked: 10:00 AM: Trojans @ 4U2NV 11:30 AM: Green Monsters @ ~~Thunder Bunnies~~Hit Squad 1:00 PM: Slackers @ Nomads Your captains have some info. I'll contact all you loose singles who do not have a team very soon. No worries--you already have SlogsHomes for the winter. More will be posted here in the next couple of days. But if you long for some softball action, feast your eyes on the 2007 SlogsCenter Play of the Year: I defy anyone to stage this shot and pull it off. Unbelievable.

The Traitors: 2007 ASL Summer Champions

2007-08-17T19:40:00.000+03:00

A perfect picture: The undefeated champs.

After steamrolling through the regular season and the first two rounds of the playoffs, the Traitors met the Nomads. Instead of extending their hand in friendship, the Nomads reared back and punched the Traitors in the face. The score going into the bottom of the third inning: Nomads 19, Traitors 1.

Nomads nineteen, Traitors one.

Everyone on the Nomads was hitting and scoring, especially Shukri Saleh, this season's Home Run King. He launched two home runs (way out), giving him three for the day and six for the season.

The Gatoradin' Traitors then got their act together, shutting down the Nomads offense and chipping away at the lead, inning by inning. 19-1 became 19-7, then 19-16, 19-17...and 19-19 after the regulation six innings.

Let's play an extra inning. The Nomads got back on their fightin' horses and scored three more runs in the 7th. 22-19, Nomads. The Traitors had one more shot to complete their undefeated season.

Four runs were needed to win, and four runs they got. Final score: Traitors 23, Nomads 22.

Congratulations to all the players on both teams for the most memorable game in our four-season history. And to everyone who played and came out to watch in support of Amman Softball League--and to Amman Little League Association--a big thank you from me.

Much more on the playoffs and the 2007 Summer season in the next two ~~days~~ ~~months~~ years [Seriously, WTF!?]. We're also going to tip our hats to Brent Faulkner and Dick Hart, who got this whole thing started back in 2005. Come on back. For now, give it up for your 2007 Summer Champs...The Traitors.

Here's a quick rundown of the Tournament results:
Round 1:
Slackers 13, Sluggos 11
Eagles 20, Bling Bling 6
Nomads 23, Beats 6
Traitors "1", Stars 0
Semis:
Traitors 13, Slackers 6
Nomads 17, Eagles 16 (thrilling game)
Final:
Traitors 23, Nomads 22 (7 Innings)

Tournament Brackets & Schedule

2007-08-11T09:26:00.000+03:00

Click on the image to get your own PDF of the Tournament brackets.

Tournament Schedule:

Game A: 9:00 AM

(5) Slackers @ (4) Sluggos

Umps: One from Eagles + One from Bling Bling

Game B: 10:10 AM

(6) Bling Bling @ (3) Eagles

Umps: One from Sluggos + One from Slackers

Game C: 11:20 AM

(7) Beats @ (2) Nomads

Umps: One from Traitors + One from Stars

Game D: 12:30 PM

(8) Stars @ (1) Traitors

Umps: One from Nomads + One from Beats

************

Semifinal 1: 1:45 PM

Winners of Games A & D

Umps: Two from Game C Losing Team

Semifinal 2: 3:00 PM

Winners of Games B & C

Umps: Two from Game D Losing Team

************

Championship: 4:30 PM

Semifinal 1 & 2 Winners

Umps: Mude + TBD

Schedule Change: Friday August 10

2007-08-06T18:36:00.000+03:00

Friday, August 10: 9:00 AM: Traitors @ Slackers (Umps: Sluggos) 10:30 AM: Beats @ Sluggos (Umps: Slackers) Noon: Expats vs Jordan All-Star Game (Umps TBD) 1:30 PM: Eagles @ Nomads (Umps: Traitors) 3:00 PM: Bling Bling @ Stars (Umps: Eagles) Please have your team's umps show up. (Eagles, I'm lookin' at you.) Thanks!

Another Softball League In Jordan?

2007-08-02T16:43:00.000+03:00

It's nice to see them jumping on board... Softball begins period of growth in Middle East AMMAN—(Jordan Times)— Jordan is set to become the first Middle East home to the sport of softball [Mude says: Already been the home!] after the Executive Council of the International Softball Federation (ISF) on Sunday approved Jordan’s application to start a national softball federation, according to a statement from the Jordan Olympic Committee (JOC). The JOC, headed by HRH Prince Feisal, intends to use softball to introduce more women and youth to team sports in Jordan and provide a model for greater sporting inclusiveness throughout the Middle East. This is in line with the “Back softball for reinstatement onto the 2016 Olympic programme” blueprint which pledges to provide a sporting chance for women throughout the Middle East. Following Sierra Leone having recently been granted provisional membership status, the announcement increases the ISF’s membership up to 130 countries. “As part of our long-term strategy at the Jordan Olympic Committee, we are always looking for new ways to introduce young people to, and keep them in sport. I have been impressed with the success of softball in reaching out to young people—especially women. This addition to our portfolio of sports should see a dramatic increase in the number of young women playing team sport. This will send a powerful message to the rest of the Middle East. It is also an important statement before we host the IOC Women in Sport Conference at the Dead Sea in 2008,” Prince Feisal was quoted as saying in the statement.

Your Quest: Slay the Dragon

2007-08-02T11:11:00.000+03:00

Which Traitors are riding the Dragon?

On Friday, August 10, the last day of the regular season, we will have an All-Star Game. Sorta.

The Traitors, the fire-breathing, undefeated wa7sh of the season, will have a new team to contend with: All-Stars selected from the other seven teams. The game will be an unofficial exhibition only, and it will not count towards the Tournament seedings in any way. But if the All-Stars can slay the dragon, it sure will be nice dining on Traitor flesh.

Selection of the All-Star team will begin this Friday, August 3. In order to be selected, you have to be good and you have to be available to play on Friday, August 10 at 3:00 PM.

Talk trash in the comments. (Commenting restrictions have been eased a bit for this purpose. I'm a humanitarian, after all.)

NOTE: I'll need a place to crash after the game, as my wife, Traitor Brooke, will not be very accommodating after her team loses.

We need to talk about where this relationship is headed

2007-08-02T09:25:00.000+03:00

Ziggy crunches the numbers and Schwa passes on the catculations.

Ziggy and Schwa are taking a week off from prognosticating, as they did not fare so well last time (4 for 8). Their owner, your humble Slogger-in-Chief, isn't a genius, either. But I did correctly predict that the Cubs would catch the Brewers in the second half of the MLB season.*

Let's talk Tourney. This is in the Rules, but here it goes:

Tournament seeding will be based on how a team finishes in its own division, plus how they did against the other division’s “mirror” team. The two division winners “share” the top two seeds. That tie (regardless of overall records) is broken by the result of the one inter-division game between those teams, with the winner getting the higher seed. The two second-place teams share the 3-4 seeds, third place teams share 5-6, and last-place teams share 7-8.

In a nutshell: Traitors are tops. Beats are #7. Bling Bling & Stars will fight for #6 & #8. Nomads & Eagles can finish between #2 & #4. Slackers & Sluggos can finish anywhere from #3 to #5.

Details (Records indicate overall, division, inter-division):

Long Division:

Traitors (8-0, 4-0, 4-0): Clinched the Long Division title and the top seed in the tourney. Will play either Bling Bling or Stars in the first round of the Tournament.

Slackers (5-2-1, 2-1-1, 3-1) & Sluggos (4-3-1, 1-2-1, 3-1): Fighting for second place in the Long Division. Their first game against each other ended in a tie. They play again this Friday (August 3), which will basically settle matters. Slackers hold the edge over the Eagles, but not the Nomads. Sluggos hold the edge over the Nomads, but not the Eagles.

Beats (2-6, 0-4, 2-2): Cannot finish above 4th in Long. Clinched #7 seed with wins over both Bling Bling and Stars. Will play the winner of the Division of Labor in the first round.

Division of Labor:

Nomads (5-2, 3-0, 2-2) & Eagles (5-3, 3-1, 2-2): Locked in a battle for Labor title. Nomads beat the Eagles in their first game, and the second match is on August 10. Division winner is the Tourney’s #2 seed. For the #3 seed, Nomads have the edge over the Slackers, but not the Sluggos. The Eagles have the edge over the Sluggos, but not the Slackers.

Stars (1-7, 1-3, 0-4) & Bling Bling (0-7, 0-3, 0-4): Neither team can finish above 3rd in their division. One will be the #8 seed, and the other the #6 seed, because both teams lost all four inter-division games. Stars won the early game against Bling, but they meet again on Aug 10. If neither teams wins before that final game, and Bling beats the Stars, the teams will have identical records. The result of that last game will break the tie (since it's being played on the last day). This will eliminate an additional tiebreaker game.

The Tournament will be held on August 17, beginning at 9:00 AM sharp. There will be no warm-ups on the big field prior to the games and no infield warm-ups between innings. (Please use the small field.) The rest of the regular season game format will be used: 1-1 counts, 6 innings, 10-run limits per inning (except last two innings), etc. The new schedule is available here, or you may download it from the link at the bottom of the green sidebar (right side of Slogs).

THIS WEEK'S GAMES:

It'll be significantly cooler for Week 8's games, so please be sure to dress in lots of warm layers. The Slogs recommends three pairs of socks and long underwear. And ear muffs.

9:00 AM: Slackers @ Sluggos (Umps: Traitors)
10:30 AM: Traitors @ Beats (Umps: Stars)
12:00 PM: Stars @ Nomads (Umps: Beats)
1:30 PM: Bling Bling @ Nomads (Umps: Eagles)
3:00 PM: Eagles @ Bling Bling (Umps: Nomads)

*At the All-Star Break, the Cubs were 5 games behind the Brewers, but they've erased that deficit in less than three weeks and now lead the NL Central on percentage points.

SlogsCenter Epic: Nomads-Traitors

2007-07-31T22:32:00.000+03:00

I wouldn't leave y'all hangin'--now that the offending parties have vowed to change their ways. Here's the extended version of SlogsCenter, and it's all about the Nomads and Traitors. Even if you're not a fan of either team, you should check out the clip. Lots of great defense. Congrats to the Traitors on a great win. I have a feeling they may run into the Nomads again soon. Special thanks to Melissa Manning for the terrific pics and Maher "Zambrano" Abu-Arja for crawling out of bed to shoot some video. Enjoy.

To enhance your viewing experience, let the clip load all the way before watching. You'll enjoy the soundtrack more.

Bian Pao: Week 7 Goes Boom

2007-07-30T11:47:00.000+03:00

The blaring horns, ubiquitous fireworks and general euphoria that started early Saturday might have seemed like a natural reaction to the Traitors' big win over the Nomads on Friday, but we're not that big just yet. It had a little to do with Iraq's soccer team winning the Asia Cup by defeating Saudi Arabia in the final. (We have confirmed that the US National Soccer Team was standing by to rescue the Saudis from the Iraqis once again, but the refs wouldn't go for it.)

Anyway, Iraqi fans should not celebrate in such a loud manner unless the other team is executed after (or preferably, during) the game. Call me old-fashioned.

Bigger than either the Asia Cup or Traitors-Nomads were the Tawjihi Celebrations. For those unfamiliar with local customs here in Jordan, the Tawjihi Celebrations mark the time between when students stop cheating and plagiarizing in high school and the time they start cheating and plagiarizing in college. Typical displays of joy include:

-Applying firm pressure on the car horn until the battery dies.
-Being unreasonably optimistic about your financial future.
-Setting off fireworks (Note: indoors).
-Seeing which person can peck the other's cheek the most times before switching your sexual preference.
-Drinking shot after shot of Mafraq's tap water until you soil your pants.

Enough about Tawjihi and Soccer. Let's talk about the other games. You know, the ones which matter.

Alberto Asks the Stars to Say Hello to His Li'l Friend

Tooth + Mallet + Jack Daniel's = Play Ball.

Alberto Santiago returned to Slogway Park after his horrific injury, and he helped his Beats to an easy win over the Stars, who Karma continues to punish for not cleaning up their infant's dugout mess.

Alberto's stint on the disabled list consisted of the time it took him to walk out to his car after the incident last week, where he took a mallet and pounded that tooth back in its place. He then let out a grunt of satisfaction, guzzled some Jack Daniel's, cracked his neck, and returned to the field. Total time: three minutes. The Nomads were just lucky that the episode took place so late in the game. He wanted back in.

Sluggos Get Help, Spank Bling Bling

It took seven weeks, but The Greatest finally hit the Slogs.

Perhaps it was done in a drunken stupor, but Bling Bling had the Sluggos on the ropes before the game even started. Caught short-handed, the Sluggos requested to have another team's player fill in on their team. Bling said OK. Then they saw who the player was: the Beats' Javier "Gunny" Diaz. Bling thought twice. Yvette Martin promised to have Gunny bat only as a lefty. Bling said OK.

This decision was like agreeing to fight Muhammad Ali in his prime, but only if he promised to limit his punches to your face. The Sluggos rolled, and the Blingz cost themselves that precious first win.

Crowd in Awe at Silent Slackers. So Where's Willy?

The Slackers assess Willy's absence.

A handful of Eagles were off hobnobbing with Hollywood's elite, so the Slackers had a pretty easy win on Friday. This game had major implications for the tournament, because if the two second-place teams stay where they are in the standings, the Slackers would get the #3 seed, while the All-Blacks would have to settle for #4.

The Slackers were so well-behaved, even the Team Mom was flabbergasted. Apparently, they've identified the culprit in their temper tantrums as Walid "Willy" Abu Hassan, who was missing from the game. If that's how they really feel, then co-conspirator (and the guy who was let off the hook), Rocky Abushaar, should send him a big bouquet of flowers and a tall stack of Luigi's pizzas.

Traitors Whup Nomads, Clinch Tourney's Top Seed

2007-07-30T11:36:00.000+03:00

There's your highlight reel.

The Traitors beat the Nomads on Friday, 15-7. After the top of the 3rd inning, the score was Nomads 6, Traitors 5. But the rest of the game was all Orange, all the time.

The win, when combined with their defeat of the Sluggos later in the day, gives the undefeated Traitors (8-0) the Long Division title and the #1 seed for the tournament. The Nomads are a half-game up on the Eagles for the lead in the Division of Labor, with the top team there taking the #2 seed.

I had planned on posting a whole mess of pics and video highlights from this game, but deleting rude messages took too much time. I will not reward those who cannot win with class, and I will not allow anyone to destroy with negativity and divisiveness what we've worked hard to build. Talk to your captain, Traitors.

End of post.

UPDATE:

From Kevin Rowlson, Captain of the Traitors:

I would like to take this time to publicly apologize to my teammates and everyone else for the comments I made. (Mude has already deleted the post.)

Sometimes I act without thinking of what the consequences will be as long as it makes me feel better at the time, and I am sorry for that. I sincerely hope that if anyone who saw the post and took any offence to it can find it in their hearts to forgive me.

SO: We'll have SlogsCenter highlights and some of Melissa Manning's excellent game pics ~~later today~~ some day soon. -Mude

Practice Post

2007-07-28T10:01:00.000+03:00

Today through Thursday, August 2nd. Name, Team, Day, Time & Field. In the comments. No complications.

"The Hurt Locker" (Movie) Looking for UN Types

2007-07-28T10:00:00.000+03:00

The Hollywood movie currently filming in Amman is looking for United Nations-type men for roles as extras. Filming is this Monday. You'll be wearing a suit and looking all official. They're looking for men in their 30's and up. If you look anything like Gary Bonifas, you're so in. (But other, less pretty people are welcome, too.) You can email your pic to Lara Atalla at lara.atalla@gmail.com (or call her at 0777.555.007). Please do so ASAP, because, again, filming for this scene is this Monday, July 30. And the team is still in need of extras, both male and female, to play various speaking and non-speaking (both paid) "extras" roles. Western-looking, 18-45, soldierin' people. Get in touch with Lara today. You won't regret it. (Note: The Amman leg of filming for this movie will run through September 12, 2007.)

The Biggest Game of the Year...So Far

2007-07-26T21:22:00.000+03:00

BREAKING NEWS:

Alberto Santiago will be back tomorrow...playing!

Ziggy and Schwa grew close over the past week.

It’s late, I know. I was out of town. Also, Ziggy and Schwa were upset about it, and it’s hard to write one of these previews without creatures who actually know the game. Also, I’m lazy.

It's going to be the hottest gameday of the season. If you're reading this, thank you for dropping in and being a loyal Slogger. Your reward is this urgent plea to hydrate all day long. If you're not reading this, then you won't know that I don't care if you drink water or not. Here's what the kittens have to say about Week 7 at Slogway Park...

Nomads (5-1) @ Traitors (6-0)
Time: 9:00 AM
Temp: 90°F/32°C
Wind: From NW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Yvette

Ziggy and Schwa agree: The Traitors’ depleted lineup and age will finally catch up to them. (Remember, these are the cats' words, not mine. But I happen to agree.) The only question in the minds of the Vegas Felines is whether or not Shukri can hit one out, despite winds which will be blowing straight in from center. First the Nomads will rattle the Traitors, then they’ll beat them. Nomads by 6 runs.

Traitors (6-0) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time: 10:30 AM
Temp: 94°F/34°C
Wind: From NW shifting to from WNW, 7 MPH/11 KM
Umps: Mude & Maher

Ziggy: This will be a letdown game for the Traitors—and some revenge for the Sluggos. The Traitors have spent all week firing shots at the Nomads, forgetting all about the Sluggos. That is some serious disrespect. Ali Lejlic and Chris Hattayer are back for the Sluggos, and the Traitors will learn a lesson. Despondent over their loss to the Nomads and still seemingly unaware they're playing a double-header, the Gatorades will let one slip away...and they'll pretend not to care.

Schwa: Even though she left me alone in this house with the Evil White Cat for five days, I’m going with Mrs. Mude’s team. The Traitors will find a way to overcome the injuries and missing players to pull off the win, but it'll be a wake-up call for them.

Bling Bling (0-6) @ Sluggos (3-2-1)
Time: Noon
Temp: 97°F/36°C
Wind: From WNW, 9 MPH/14 KM
Umps: Beats

Ziggy: I can’t pick the Sluggos to beat the Traitors and not Bling Bling. Captain Yvette Martin and crew have been working 'round the clock to reload, and it’ll pay off against the Shinies.

Schwa: Dumb Ziggy. Blingbeefers are so due. It’s the upset of the season, and I’m calling it: Bling Bling gets in the win column this week. Cap'n Neal is back, they've finally got another chick, er, woman, and just about every player on the team has improved over the course of the season. [Note: The boycat's chauvinism is not endorsed by the Slogs, but it is enjoyed.]

Stars (1-6) @ Beats (1-6)
Time: 1:30 PM
Temp: 100°F/38°C
Wind: From WNW shifting to from W, 11 MPH/17 KM
Umps: Eagles

Ziggy and Schwa love paisans: Greg Ambrosio, the Beats’ winter co-capo, made some threatening remarks to the guy who feeds us beef snacks. But it turns out they’re cousins. The Beats will turn it around and will win two out of their final three games.

Eagles (5-2) @ Slackers (4-2-1)
Time: 3:00 PM
Temp: 102°F/39°C
Wind: From W, 12 MPH/19 KM
Umps: Nomads

Ziggy and Schwa have exercised their right to withhold comment due to a possible conflict of interest.

Now you can plan your day. (Hooray, meteorology!)

Traitor Nation Is Born, Quickly Rejected By Own Mother

2007-07-21T15:27:00.000+03:00

Dennis Merdian has an ouchie. That ball is evil...and hungry.

In Jeff Coupe's last game as a Traitor, he helped his team beat the Stars and fathered "Traitor Nation." No word on who the mother is, though, as she apparently wants nothing to do with the whole ordeal. Here's Jeff and his daughter Hannah, setting things straight and saying goodbye...

Dennis Merdian, pitcher for the Stars, took a bullet off his shin, courtesy of Justin "Get Some" Hiester. Dennis is a tough man, and he wouldn't give any Traitor the satisfaction of seeing him hurt. He stayed in the game and played well. (But I have the feeling his wife had to hear a lot of whining later that night.) To his credit, Justin felt awful about the whole thing and offered to pay all of Dennis' tuition fees for grad school.

The bruise on Dennis' shin had barely turned purple before Kevin and Brooke began trading small arms fire with Omar Massarweh of the Nomads, with whom they have a breakfast date next Friday to determine which of the two teams truly rules the regular season. Ziggy and Schwa will be all over that preview. In the meantime, have at each other right here.

Nomads Top Beats, Eye Traitors

2007-07-21T15:00:00.000+03:00

Some good news for the Beats: They get the honor of having the SlogsCenter Highlight of the Week. Here's Nomad Shukri Saleh, getting oopsed up between 3rd and home...

The rest of the game was brutal, and I'm not just talking about the score. The Nomads topped the Beats to set up a showdown for league supremacy against the undefeated Traitors next Friday, but the real story was the injury suffered by the Beats' Alberto Santiago.

On a single to right field, Alberto had just passed first base when the laser of a throw came in. Alberto wasn't aware of the throw, which was rather unusual for an outfield single, and it met his mouth. The sound of the impact was sickening, and the scene afterward was a bloody mess.

Freeze, re-use, enjoy? I don't think so: Alberto's recovered tooth.

The good news is that our crack archaeologists found the tooth in the sand and Alberto had it put right back in (Note: Not at the field). A few stitches in his lip, and he'll be back on the field in no time, donning his Yankees cap and giving his opponents hell. And in his honor, the Beats put up an impressive six runs in the final inning.

The right-fielder who threw the ball, known here only as Li'l Massarweh, had his name sent by the US Embassy to Homeland Security. He is now atop the Most Wanted Terrorists list. Good luck getting back to school in the States.

Be careful out there, Sloggers. It's a mad. mad world.

Blame It on the Falafel: Eagles Sweep Double-Header

2007-07-21T14:49:00.000+03:00

Ben Roberson fled Jordan after his Falafel Coup succeeded.

Take some chickpeas, herbs and spices. Ball 'em up. Deep fry. Consume.

Then suffer the consequences.

That's what happened to several Stars and all of the Sluggos on Friday, July 20th. The two teams were scheduled to play against the Eagles in the All-Blacks' double-header, but the copious amounts of falafel which the missing players scarfed down the night before gave the hosts an easy sweep. The wins put the Eagles just a half-game behind the Division of Labor leaders, the Nomads, with three weeks to go in the regular season.

Reports are sketchy at this stage, but we have confirmed that one overzealous Sluggo went outside in the early morning hours to "air himself out," only to blast off to Uganda. Surviving him are six distraught teammates and one ringing cell phone.

Furthermore, our sources inside the Amman Stock Exchange reveal to us that one Eagle, Ben Roberson, is the silent (but deadly) majority owner of Abu Jbara Restaurants. It is no coincidence, therefore, that Eagles captain Tom Manning announced Ben's abrupt departure from Jordan. We like Ben's tactics, and we like his hair, so we'll just wish him good luck in his new life on the run.